BIL continued...

Some things happened between Bill and MIL before I was involved with Steve - something about SIL's birthday party; MIL and George wanted to go down and take a cake and take them out to supper but SIL doesn't like to celebrate her birthday; I dunno, the story never made sense to me. Then when their first DD was born in Sept 97, MIL went to stay with them for a few days to help out. MIL insisted that the baby was cold, but SIL insisted that just a onesie was enough. The baby ended up coming down with pneumonia a few months later. Personally, I don't think it was related the amount of clothes the baby was wearing, but I also believe in swaddling. Whatever. There were more hard feelings about that and other similar small incidents.

Meanwhile MIL and her sister were not getting along. Her sister actually grabbed MIL's hand and bent her fingers back as far as she could. She also clawed MIL's thigh under the table. All this was in a restaurant while having lunch with their mother & aunt! Gee, how old is she?? Anyway, it turned ugly (they're still not on speaking terms today). Bill is partial to his aunt over his mother and MIL knows this. Since things were very ugly with them at the time of DD's christening, MIL thought it would be best not to attend since she knew her sister would be there. Apparently there was no right answer to this problem because Bill was very angry at MIL for not coming but also said he wouldn't tolerate MIL and her sister fighting, which MIL was sure her sister was going to attack her again, at which George was likely to defend MIL and escalate everything.

In trying to explain why she decided not to go to the christening & why George was so upset with MIL's sister, MIL tried to have Bill put himself in George's shoes and said "Well, how would you feel if somebody attacked Andrea like that?" Well, Bill took that the wrong way and started yelling at MIL "Don't you dare threaten my wife! How dare you! I can't believe you just said that! I don't want to talk to you anymore!" etc etc.

After a cooling off period, MIL reached out to Bill again. They all agreed to go to counseling to try and work things out. That turned into a George-bashing session. After Bill & Steve graduated & left home, George quit the police force and started a series of self-employed ventures that were highly successful in the beginning, then ended up going bankrupt, always someone else's fault. Bill took that tidbit and ran with it. He insisted that George either get a real job or MIL leave him, saying it just wasn't right that MIL still had to work at her age. He had a point, but I don't feel that he had the right to put demands on his mom like that. None of his business in my opinion. At MIL's inquiry about the next counseling session, Bill told her that he doesn't have time for this crap;he has his own family to think about now. And they didn't speak for several years.

no time

Sorry - no time to update today. Leaving early to testify before the magistrate about the purse snatching. If it's over early, I'll be back and update then.

BIL history/update

Steve and I met in 1997. The first time I met his brother Bill, we realized that we used to work together at my first job. I was in the office and he was in shipping. He'd sometimes give me a ride to work if I was walking (usually in the rain or snow). I remember saying something mean to him right before I left that job. I'd asked him how was ScoobyDoo, since he looked SO much like Shaggy. He didn't find it amusing. Whatever. I was a 19 yr old know-it-all-brat at the time. It was 2 lifetimes ago.

When Steve & I announced our engagement, Bill tried to talk Steve out of it - because he remembers me from that first job and I was too bossy. (Hello Kettle!) Originally, he had agreed to be Steve's best man (like Steve was for him just a little over a year earlier) but about 2 months before the wedding, backed out. He didn't think we should get married at all. Luckily, Steve had just re-connected with a good buddy who stepped up to the plate. BTW, Steve's new best man and both his groomsmen wanted to go to Maryland and kick Bill's ass for the way he was acting.

Bill, being the marital expert that he is, stopped speaking to Steve for 3 or 4 years. Never mind that Steve had been driving to MD almost every weekend to support and console him after his first wife left him for some internet fling. Never mind that Steve would drop everything to run down to MD to fix his brother's water heater, shower, commode, etc whenever he called. Never mind that Steve was Bill's best man, regardles of his thoughts on the appropriateness of the relationship, in March 97, then celebrated with this new family in Sept 97, when Steve's neice was born. Mr Highandmighty Holierthanthou knew what was right for his brother's happiness. More likely, he didn't like that Steve was no longer available for his beckoned call.

Out of the blue one year, on Steve's birthday, Bill called to wish him a happy one. He acted like nothing had ever happened. Steve accepted the attempt and has sort of reconnected with his brother. To this day, that big white elephant is still sitting in the middle of the room. Nobody wants to bring up the subject. Well, I want to, but won't out of respect for Steve. They broke relations one more time and reconnected again. Now there are 2 big white elephants in the room.

Anyway, Bill also has issues with their mom. She divorced their dad when Steve was only 3 yrs old. If she hadn't, she'd probably be a domestic violence statistic today. I love his dad, but the 2 of them are like gas and fire together. Not good. MIL remarried in 77 to a policeman named George. By this time, Bill must have felt like he was the man of the family at the ripe old age of 15. We think he must have resented having a new man in his mom's life and being told what he could and could not do. There was friction, to say the least.

I'll go ahead and post this now and finish tomorrow - just so my ya ya's have something to read....

So sorry I missed it

My 14 yr old neice Sarah has been taking voice lessons for about a year or 2 now I think. She has such an awesome natural talent, but the lessons are refining that for her. For the summer, Stef's godfather Shawn is letting Sarah sing with his Christian rock band so she can get some stage experience. She sang 2 songs with them Friday night at The Coffee House in Hershey and again at a church event Saturday. The first time she started singing Friday night, Shawn's jaw actually dropped (and some of the other guy's jaws too) They'd heard her during practice but she totally wow'd them all during the performance. I'm so proud of her! I sent our camcorder along with my sister to capture Saturday's gig. I'm so so sorry I couldn't attend either (or both) shows. I need to check the website for their schedule. www.livemusicisbest.com

Potty training update: Friday 40% success, Saturday 50% success, Sunday 100% success, so far today 0% but it's early.

Sunday was very interesting but requires background info for it to make sense, so I'll save that story for a little later.

Steve and I both got summons to appear before the magistrate as defense witnesses in the purse-snatching. yippee. Wednesday at 1:30 is the preliminary hearing. Luckily for me, I get full pay for witness duty. It sounds like they're going to make Steve take personal time to go, so he's likely to just take the whole day off. Jokingly, he said to me "see what happens when you get involved??!!??" It's a pain, but it was still the right thing to do.

100% Success

Stef had no potty accidents at all yesterday. MIL was on my nerves, but that's her job. Either way, end result was 100% success. This was the 4th or 5th day she woke up completely bone dry too. She'd been waking up just barely damp for awhile before that. Apparently Stef just expects the potty prizes from me now and doesn't expect any from grandma. Whatever works. It just hurt a bit to hear that she can do it "better" than me. I know in my head that it's not better, just different. But it still hurts in my heart. Goes back to the same old hurt of not being a SAHM for Stef.

Apparently I do the discipline "better". Grandma was all beside herself about Stef pulling and pinching and hurting her boxer Daisy. She felt that transgression deserves a swat on the butt, but knows we don't really agree with hitting. I told her (though she didn't do it) to just separate them when Stef is doing that to poor Daisy (who, btw, just stands there and takes it with grace). I demonstrated the effectiveness of this technique last night while we were there for dinner. Grandma just doesn't get that it doesn't have to be punishment. Time out is just meant to de-fuse the situation and stop the behavior. It worked great for me. And to my surprise, in the middle of her 2nd timeout last night, Stef looked at me panic-stricken and said her first real full sentence "I gotta go potty!" So we rushed over to the bathroom and she continued her winning streak!!!

Visited places

http://www.world66.com/myworld66/visitedStates/statemap?visited=ALAZCTDCDEFLILINLAMDMAMSNHNJNMNYOHPASCTXVA">
> your own visited states map or check out these Google Hacks.

Thanks Linda & Elisa for this idea.

Progress on potty training

Bribery seems to be the key for Stef. Since I started giving her Potty Prizes (aka M&M's), she's been much more consistent. She called me just a little while ago to tell me "Poopoo potty"!!!!!!!! Yippeeeeeeee! I said she should get a whole handful of Potty Prizes for that one (as opposed to the 3 she gets for peepee). She told Grandma that she needed to potty, then came out and told her poopoo!

We just needed to find the right motivation.

SUPER Steve

What a Father's Day we had!!!! We had a great weekend all the way around, but Sunday was SUPER. Steve's dad stopped in on his way home from visiting Bill and the girls in MD. Apparently Ashley's birthday party was Saturday. We weren't invited, no surprise there though. Anyway, we took Grandpop out for lunch at Carlos & Charlies. Stef was really well behaved for the majority of the meal; just started acting up towards the end because she was tired of sitting and was really ready for her nap.

After naptime, we went to my mom's to re-fix her ceiling fan and tighten up some garden hose connections that were leaking. My brother Glenn visited for a while. It was really nice to see him - he works alot so I rarely see him of late. Stef is still terrified of him. Granted, he is a pretty scary looking biker dude, but LOVES little kids. He tried but Stef just wouldn't make up to him.

Next we went for our grocery run. It was getting pretty late, but Stef had taken a 3-1/2 hour nap so I wasn't too worried about keeping her up past bedtime. Steve let me drive the VUE because I hardly ever get to drive it and it's fun. As we were looking for a parking spot at the Giant in Centerville, I saw some punk kid on a bicycle snatch a lady's purse out of her shopping cart and take off. She started yelling and another guy in the parking lot started chasing the punk, but he was on a bike and too fast for either person on foot. BUT! I was in the VUE. I told Steve what I'd seen and we both said "Let's go".

We followed the punk around the back of the store and lost sight of him momentarily, but then Steve spotted him behind a trailer. He hollered at the punk and I sped over to where Steve had seen him. The punk took off again, this time off the back of the pavement into a corn field which hadn't been planted this year yet. There was a really big ditch between the pavement and the cornfield. And that's where the punk was trying to hide and go through the lady's purse. Steve jumped out of the VUE and yelled at the punk "What the fuck is your problem?!?!?" The kid was just shoving something in his pocket. Steve grabbed the purse back from him and gathered up the rest of the stuff that had been dumped on the ground. The punk had evidently fallen and cut himself on his bike or something because there was blood all over the purse. Steve could tell he was bleeding and decided not the beat the crap outta him. And he said he reminded Steve of Screech from Saved by the Bell.

If Stef hadn't been in the vehicle with us, I'd have gotten out and grabbed him up by his scruff and dragged him over to apologize to the lady, but I have different priorities now. The kid got back on his bike and took off again. He went back out to the front side of the store, exited the parking lot, and headed north on Centerville Rd. The other guy that gave chase had lent his cell to the lady to call the police and she was still on with them when we brought her purse back to her. The only thing she could find missing was a $10 bill. And there was a bunch more blood on a plastic baggie that she carried her Nicorette gum in. Probably a REALLY good thing that SHE didn't get her hands on the punk as she'd just quit smoking a few days before.

When the policeman showed up, he took our statements and told us they think they had apprehended the individual up around the corner on Marietta Ave. Since Steve and the lady were the only ones that had gotten a good look at his face, they were asked to drive up with the policeman and identify the punk. It was definately him!

The lady kept telling Stefanie that her daddy is a hero. I think so too! I'm so proud of him!! And I'm humbled to be part of our Dynamic Duo. It may not have been the smartest thing to do, but it was the RIGHT thing to do.

And he didn't even want me to tell anybody. HA! I told him fat chance of that! I'm going to brag on him from here to there and back again. (of course his mom is proud of him too but was worried and scared that he could've been hurt, but that's ok, it's her job).

Plus I want to warn people of this type of theft. Don't leave your purse in the shopping cart (or buggy for our Southern friends) while you load the groceries in the car!

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the great dads out there. And to my Godfather, for being a great substitute daddy to me.

I'm trying really really hard not to think about my own dad this weekend. Best to just concentrate on how truly wonderful of a daddy Steve is to Stefanie. We are so blessed. Happy Father's Day Love!

Scared to poop?

I'm starting to think Stef is afraid to poop in the potty. She was sitting there this morning as I was reading GoDogGo to her (this is her sitting on the potty book). I could tell she was straining. She kept looking in the potty every few seconds. Finally I saw a little turd in there. As soon as she saw that, she was FINISHED even though I knew she still had to go some more. There was no talking her into sitting back down. Ten minutes later her pull-up was full. She had a bit of a regression over the weekend too. I'm really starting to think she'd do much better just wearing regular panties all day long, but MIL doesn't want her pee'ing on her carpet, so that's out M-Th at least. It's really hard on the weekends too, because that's when we have to do all our running and I really don't want her to pee in the car seat. I almost feel like I need to try another potty training vacation. Sigh

My head is gonna explode

...and all the numbers are just gonna come spilling out! And it's not gonna be pretty! These mortgage people are giving me a serious headache. After spending my entire lunch hour (and then some) plus 45 minutes after work (plus about 30 minutes during work - shhhhh) talking to these people, I just couldn't look at it or think about it anymore last night. I looked at it this morning and compared the choices and we're going with a home equity loan from Wachovia. That will free up about $250 a month in the budget. That will offer some breathing room for increasing gas prices and pizza once in a while, plus adding extra payments to the last credit card standing.

I have lived much much leaner than this in my lifetime. I remember having to pawn stuff just to get $10 or $20 for chicken leg quarters. Even leaner - there was a time I only had $20 a week for groceries. Of course groceries were alot cheaper back then, but still.

Re-fi land

On a whim I clicked on a popup for refinancing mortgages. It was for lowermybills.com or something close to that. I got matched up with 5 different lenders. The one from QuickenLoans was very pushy at first, but he seems to have the best program and is working the hardest for us, so that's who we decided to go with. I wish I could've talked more with the Wachovia person. They had practically no closing costs in their program. It was too good to be true though and I wanted to ask more questions but she's out of the office til Wed or Thurs. So Quicken it is. I really need to get rid of these credit card bills. They're sucking us dry. Then, we need to put all our credit cards in the freezer in a block of ice. We have too much impulse buying going on. It's time to behave and live within our means again.

I pouted all morning Saturday. I felt so bad for allowing us to get into this situation (since I'm the one who handles the budget, it falls in my lap). Then I decided to get busy doing something about it. It's a bit overwhelming though - gathering all this info and getting it faxed over to Quicken. It's a good thing I'm a good multi-tasker.

Random pictures

Stef's funny face

fell asleep on the recliner

grown from a slip off my grandmother's rose

our house


the red hot pokers are finally blooming again

crazy rose bush

back yard

Sitter situation resolved

Well, mostly, anyway. What it boils down to is that MIL needs to mind her own business and not worry about us having to find a sitter if she's not scheduled to have Stef. If my mom is sick, then it's mine and Steve's responsibility find someone. That being said, I really do have to find a reliable back up for when my mom is sick. I can't keep asking my cousin to stay up all day when she works nights. I've asked my Godmother and she's willing to help if she has nothing else planned. I should still find a daycare with drop in service though in case she's busy on a day that mom's sick. I cringe at the thought of the only one I've found so far. It's very close to our house, but $60 a day is steep. I'll keep looking.

BooBoo

Steve called me yesterday to tell me he got his tetanus shot. I was thinking it was because of the rip up his arm from catching it on a rusty screen door handle. But NO! He cut the tip of his finger off. There was a razor blade sticking up in his tool bag and it got him when he reached in to get a tool. Imagine a stack of 2 dimes - that's what is missing from his right forefinger. He never did find the missing piece. At first he just put bandaids on it but kept bleeding through so he wrapped it in a paper towel and they sent him to hospital thinking he might need stitches. There's nothing there to stitch, so they bandaged it up really well, gave him a tetanus shot, some vicadan, and the Z-pack antibiotic. It's just going to have grow skin back on it's own. The paperwork they sent home with him said it could take up to 6 weeks! Yuck yuck yuck! The thought of the whole thing just makes me queasy. I'd never have been able to be a nurse!

Update on MIL working vs babysitting Stef.....Steve mentioned to her that I was looking at some daycares and it scared the living crap outta her. She called me Saturday to say she just doesn't know what she'd do if she wasn't taking care of Lil Munchkin and wanted to know what we are going to do. I said we are going to act on whatever she tells us she wants to do but she has to tell us. I also asked how much it would cost us to keep her fulltime. She doesn't know what she wants to do and even when she decides, she'll second guess her decision til the day she dies. It's really hard sometimes, working with the human waffle. Anyway, we're invited to dinner with her tonight (mac & cheese & fish - YUMMMMM) and I guess we'll talk more then.

What I really need to find is just reliable drop-in service for when my mom gets sick. She'll be more than happy to take Stef 2 days a week as long as she's healthy. I've found out that the daycare at ParkCity Mall takes drop-ins. I haven't called yet though. Guess I should do that before dinner tonight.

SO incredibly upset

It's not like I hadn't been considering the idea myself because of hints being dropped and my mom's health not holding steady. MIL called me this morning on my way to the office to say she really needs to work at least 2 days during the week and can we consider putting Stef in part time daycare, maybe with a church group or something. The thing is, we only pay $10/day right now. I called one daycare that accepts drop-ins: $60/day (plus a $75 application fee). Holy sheep shit! I'm sure the pricing would be different for fulltime or parttime care, but it just gripes me to no end.

After all the fussing and fighting and crying and cojoling she did to get to be THE babysitter, now she keeps backing out on us. First it was Fridays that she isn't keeping Stef. Now she wants another day. I can understand needing to work more, but Sith Spawn!

Of course it's left to me to do all the leg work and research and calling around and budget re-configuring. Something is going to have to go. Maybe more than one something. (I'm not talking about the dogs here)

Maybe I'll call the mortgage lady and see about re-financing or getting a 2nd. Maybe my head will just explode and I'll feel better then.

Sunovahutt!