Rough night

Ellie Belly had a pretty rough night last night. We heard her get up and try to get comfortable at least 5 or 6 times. Just as I was getting up to get her another pain pill (she can have them 3 times a day, but so far it's just been twice a day), she settled down and went back to sleep.

I talked to the vet for quite a while last night. She said it's a good 3 inches of bone that's cancerous. The entire bone is involved. It's like someone is taking a melon baller and scooping out various sized balls out of the bone. That's why we have to be very cautious of bone breaks. I told her we'd like one of the other 2 vets there to have a look for a 2nd opinion, just because we don't want it to be true. She has no problem with that, but said even her xray tech knew it was cancer as soon as she saw the films. So she'll ask Carla to have a look today.

Margot is also researching the pain meds we have on hand at home to see if they're okay to give to Ellie. I have a big bottle of darvocet that I don't use anymore, but it has Tylenol in it and that's no good for doggies.

Strike that - I just got off the phone with Margot. She says NO to the Enbrel because it can mask infection and the dog could die of a hidden sepsis (people can too) and there is no dosage guidelines for dogs. NO to Darvocet because of the Tylenol. What she wants to do is keep up with the Percocet (it only has a little tylenol) 1/2 to 3/4 tablet during the day and a full one at night. Keep the Prevacox 1/2 tablet once a day, then replace that with Tramadol once our supply of Prevacox is gone. Also add (sp?) dexomethoraphan (like in cough medicine). She has to talk to a pharmacist to figure out dosage amounts and it might have to be compounded by a pharmacist. I know Darrenkamp's advertises that they do that for pet meds. Margot agrees and says their prices are really good and the one pharmacist (Bill) LOVES to do things for pets.

It's all going to be playing with the med levels to keep her comfortable as her pain levels change. We may eventually go to morphine tablets. If that happens, I think it will be close to the end for her.

I went to a farewell party last night for one of my co-workers who is quitting to be a SAHM. I told her I hate her ;) Anyway, I had to leave the party early because I was on the verge of tears again. I cried all the way home. My sweet Ellie.

Update

The chest xray didn't show any big major tumors, but there were several small "spots". The vet feels that these are most likely very small tumors, but could be blood vessels looking directly at the xray machine. Unlikely though. At the age of almost 11, we're not going to put Ellie thru the trauma of an amputation just to buy her 1-3 happy months. We've decided to just medicate her to keep her comfortable until either the meds stop working or Ellie tells us it's time to go. Until that time, we will spoil her and love on her and do whatever we can to help her.

Steve doesn't want to believe it is true, so he wants me to ask for a 2nd opinion. I don't want Margot to be right either, but I believe she is.

I talked to Ellie's foster mama from before we adopted her. One of her dobie girls got bone cancer when she was 13 yrs old. The next day after diagnosis, her leg broke, I guess from the cancer weakening it, and they had the old girl put down at that point. She also told me about another dobie she knows of that was diagnosed with the same thing 5 months ago and is still with us. He didn't get an amputation either. So, it's entirely up to Ellie how long she wants to deal with this. She will let us know when it's time.

On a related note, MIL has pissed us both off ROYALLY by suggesting to Steve that we put Ellie down now, or get rid of her...before she hurts Stefanie. I told Steve to tell his mother she better not EVEN go there with me. This morning was the first time since that conversation that I saw MIL. Steve hadn't talked to her about it yet, but she didn't bring it up with me at all. Good thing because I was prepared to pack Stef up, turn around, and go right the Hell back home if she did start on me about it. My emotional state is pretty frazzled now anyway. I don't need her crap.

I like how Tanya (dobie foster mama) put it. How would MIL like it if we threw her into a nursing home now just because she might need some help and be in some pain, which is manageable with meds. I won't throw my 4 legged children away any more than I'd throw away my 2 legged one. No life is disposable in my book.

My sweet Ellie

It's bone cancer. It's in her tibia (foreleg). It's very aggressive. I've okay'd a chest xray to see if it's spread to her chest/lungs. If not, we might consider amputation to buy her some happy time. Otherwise we will just give her strong pain killers until Ellie gives up.

Ellie and "Mary"

Ellie is at the vet today getting her knee xrayed. It hadn't gotten any better with the pain meds, so this is the next step. I'll update after they call me with the results.

For some reason, Stef has started pretending that her name is Mary sometimes. All day Sunday, she was Mary. She had Mary's ball, she was waving goodbye to Mary's house when we went to the mall, she even told the photographer at Picture People that her name was Mary. I have no idea why she picked Mary, unless it's from Jacks' Big Music Show. What's really funny is when she announces she's not Mary, but she's Stefanie again. What a character!

Picture People

Well, I guess that's how they keep people from grabbing the pictures from their website. They're all a bit pixelated, but you get the idea, at least until I get them all scanned in and uploaded for sharing. Steve even agrees with me now - we won't be using Sears for pictures any more. Picture People are SO much better with Stef.

Scream or cry?

At the suggestion from my family doctor (or CNP), I've been weaing from my happy pill. I've been at 40mg since Friday. I'm not doing well with it. Tax season wasn't a great time to try this anyway, but that's over now and I'm still ready to bite someone's head off while bawling my eyes out at the same time.

I talked to Michelle (RE) this morning. She said she's had some patients stay on prozac during pg and everything was fine. She suggested that I talk to the CNP again and ask about switching to Zoloft or just staying at 60mg Prozac.

Something HAS to be done. This morning, I very nearly fired MIL and quit my job (that I really really need). I know I'm not thinking entirely rationally right now, but now I'm just about as mad at MIL as Steve has been recently.

Happy Birthday Meredith!!

It's only one day late, but Happy Happy Birthday!!!

Ellie Belly

I'm really worried about our bionic doggy Ellie. She'll be 11 next month, which scares me just by itself. We took her to the vet last night because she's been favoring her back left leg for a week or 2 now and it doesn't seem to be getting better.

Both of Ellie's hips are bothering her, but it's just from old age. Margot thinks the problem is in her knee. She feels an old injury in there (from before Ellie lived with us) While she was feeling around the knee, we could really tell it bothers her. But then she moved further down the leg, below the actual joint, and Ellie yipped and snapped. Major big pain. We're hoping it's just a knee injury from acting like a nut in the yard and Ellie had finally just had enough examination. We're giving her more pain pills and trying to keep her quiet. If it doesn't get better, it'll be time for an x-ray to see if she either ripped her ACL or, worse case scenario...has bone cancer. It scared the bejeezes out of Margot that the big reaction came when she wasn't anywhere near the joint, but we're going to play this out conservatively for now.

What a dingbat

When I sent in my last prescription reorder slip, I was only looking for some more Nasacort for my allergies. I accidentally marked the Prozac box, but crossed it out and wrote "NO" next to it. Apparently they don't know what NO means, unless they are the ones saying it. LOL. That particular Rx was almost expired, so the pharmacy called the doctor. The doctor agreed to give a 90 day supply refill and made me get an appointment since it'd been quite awhile since my last visit for depression.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I saw Nurse Cindy, my favorite nurse practitioner. She had a nurse working with her, studying to become a nurse practitioner. I was going to ask about weaning or cutting back on the 60mg/day Prozac anyway, but then thought I'd better wait, because of the stress of the upcoming IVF (if it ever happens). The student nurse pointed out that I shouldn't be on Prozac if I'm pg, so I should start weaning now. Figures! The only person to even ever mention it was a student nurse!! I'm so glad I went in that day. Anyway, they approved a slow gradual wean.

That night, I took 2 pills from the bottle I'd been using. That would have been 40mg. The next night, I took the final pill from that bottle (20 mg) and one from the new bottle that just came. I continued taking 2 pills a day from that new bottle until last night. TG Steve went to fetch my pills for me. He brought me the bottle and asked was that the right one and how many am I taking now. I said 2/day. He pointed out that this bottle had 40mg pills in it. Holy Sith Spawn!! I'd been taking 80mg all week!! Nurse Cindy says it's okay, no harm done, but now I have to wean down from 80mg instead of from 60mg.

If all else fails, read the instructions!!!

Kitty BA

I almost forgot (because I'm trying not to think about it). Kitty BA passed away Saturday night in her sleep. She was 21 yrs old and lived a long, pampered, happy life. I tried explaining to Stef, but I'm sure she doesn't quite get it. I told her that Kitty BA went to live in Kitty Heaven and now she's not sick anymore and she doesn't hurt anymore. Now she can play with Kitty Doofus again. But we won't get to see her anymore. We will miss her but Kitty BA went to live with Jesus and Kitty Doofus and she is happy there. Stef is okay with the happy parts, but doesn't like the sounds of not seeing Kitty BA anymore. We shall see how it goes on Wednesday - the first time she'll be at my mom's since the passing of her little furry friend.

Silly Easter

Stef must think the Easter Bunny's name is Easter. She was telling Grandpop and Grammie on the phone "That silly Easter. He hide eggies in my house. On the stairs!"

We had a great weekend. Well, Friday could've been better if the Y had been open. We drove all the way down here only to find that they were closed Fri, Sat, and Sun for the holiday. Bummer, but oh well. Then we picked up Omi and went shopping. Stef had a grand time in the Treehouse (playcenter at the grocery store) and didn't want to leave. Then she napped in the car so we had to tag team when we got to Hancock Fabrics' store closing sale. Omi went first. I spent another $90 but got lots and lots of goodies. Oh, that reminds me. My friend Wendy wants to go in halfers on a Serger machine!! I just have to find one on QVC.com so her friend can get us a discount. I have ALWAYS wanted a Serger. I don't have any idea how to work one, but I want it!! I've always wanted a dress form too. I looked at the one at Hancock - $129 minus 30% off = $90. I almost got it but the lady said she doesn't have my size. I told her "That's okay. This isn't my size anyway. My size is hiding somewhere under the flab"

Saturday, we had a very fun (very loud) playdate with Ang and Logan at Chuck EE Cheese. As expected, we had to practically drag them out of there kicking and screaming. It's pretty standard for that place. It was more fun back at Logan's house;except for the flashlight klunking incident. Stef cracked Logan right on the noggin with a hard plastic dog shaped flashlight. OUCH! They bonked heads with each other once, too, but it was a bit less tramatic. Stef kissed the booboo, they hugged and made up. SO CUTE!!

Sunday, I threw the ham in the oven and finished cleaning up the downstairs. We dyed our eggs and I made a few Star Wars eggs with the kits Ang and Nessa gave me. The Darth Vader one was AWESOME!! I'll have to take pix and post them before eating the dark lord of the Sith. (if I can find my camera) Supper was delish. Stef was fun. Family was great. It was just a great weekend all the way around.

Today, I took my lunch break 1/2 hr early so I could get in the pool with Stef for Swimming School. Now that was an absolute BLAST! I think I helped her build some more water confidence (because I let her try things that scare the bejeezes out of MIL). She went under the water about 3 times. She was trying harder to actually swim, instead of floating while somebody holds her. It was just SO cool!!!! I can't go next week since it'll be the last week of the tax season. That's okay. Classes go on into the middle of June I think.

It's a smiley day.

A slide show would have been much easier

New pix

These are from our trip to Funk's to see the Easter bunny.

Our little daredevil:



holding the baby bunnies

hugging the Easter bunny








And this happened last night. I was cutting out "button" stickers to put on the red cake plates, so they look like Mickey Mouse's belly. Stef wanted to help. So I set her up with her own safety scissors and gave her the scraps to cut up. Next thing I know, I'm hearing the sound of HAIR being cut. She burst into tears when I scolded her about it.

Not really a big deal. Her hair is layered anyway, and it's only hair, it'll grow back. But it's in her genes and I wanted to nip that habit in the bud, so to speak. There is a picture somewhere of Steve with some VERY uneven, uphill bangs. He cut his hair the night before picture day. I don't think I ever did that, there are no lingering stories about it anyway.

What a nice weekend

Saturday, Stef was pretty much back to her old self. We went to Funk's to see the Easter Bunny and take a hayride. Stef actually HUGGED this Easter bunny!! Maybe she's over her fear of costumed characters finally? The egg hunt they had was fun too. After the egg hunt, there were real baby bunnies for everyone to hold. Stef did pretty well with her bunny. I only had to tell her "no neck" once.

Sunday, FIL came down to look at our next door neighbor's house which is still up for sale. He seems extremely interested, but is worried about the cost. He needs to sit down and do all the math. I think it would be kinda cool to have him living next door. He's the type to mind his own business. Stef would love having Grandpop living so close. We'll see.

Today was great too. I walked over the Y to watch Stef's swim class. She did so well! I want to rearrange my lunch schedule so I can get in the pool with her some time.