Sometime in my 9th or 10th grade year of high school, Daddy and Barbara disappeared. Rumour had it that they'd moved to California. He didn't tell me, my sister, or my mom he was leaving. And of course then the pittens he was giving for child support stopped too. If we weren't struggling before that, we sure started struggling then! I had been babysitting for my dear friend Wendy since 7th grade, but now those earnings had to go towards buying my own school clothes and supplies and such.
We didn't hear from Daddy again until right before my graduation. He called and said he'd try to make it home for the ceremony. I knew by then not to hold my breath for that event! I got a few more phone calls from him sporadically over the next 3 or 4 years. Then I joined the Air Force (not to follow in his footsteps) and still heard from him sporadically at best. I was almost always the one to initiate contact.
When I called to tell him I had orders to Panama, he suddenly tried to act like he's my dad or something. He kept trying to tell me I wasn't going to like it in Panama. I said "Ya know what? You don't know that!" We chitty-chatted the rest of the phone call and I didn't hear from him again until he came home to visit my Grandma (his mom) in 1997. I took my neice Sarah to see him - this was the first time he'd ever even acknowledged Sarah, who was 5 at the time. He and Barbara were cooking dinner for Grandma the next night and invited me over to join them. I told them I could come but not til after 6 pm since I worked til 5 in the city. That was fine at the time. The next night, I called as soon as I got home, around 5:50 and they said, "Oh, we've already eaten. Dinner is over." Well! HMPH!
He moved again, in 1999 I think, and I got the birthday card I'd sent him returned by the Post Office. So I didn't hear from him again until Grandma died in February of 2000 and he came home for the funeral. They gave us a wedding gift (we got married in 1998), took us out to dinner, and promised to try harder to keep in touch. We got an Easter card (who sends Easter cards??), then nothing again! I pretty much gave up on him at this point.
Then in the summer of 2002, I saw my Aunt Jean (daddy's sister) at a yard sale. She said he'd moved again and said for me to call her for the new address. I said I'd wait until I had news to tell him to get the address (we were trying to get pregnant at that point).
We did get pregnant finally in August 2003, but I really had no ambition to contact him again. Then in September 2003, my mom ran into a cousin of Daddy's (also a friend of hers) who told her that Daddy was now back in Lancaster County! The phone number the cousin shared with me was incorrect. The cousin told Daddy that I was trying to contact him and gave him my phone number. Still, I heard nothing..... Then the new phone books came out and I looked him up. There he was, plain as day...Ken and Barbara Bailey. The address listed shocked me. I practically drove past his house every day on my way to work!!! Eventually I got up the nerve to call him. I told him I had heard he was back in town and saw his phone number in the new book and wanted to call to share some news with him. He said "I thought you already knew I was back for a couple months now?" (insert eye-roll here) I said "Yes, but Tom gave me the wrong phone number and I had to wait for the phone book to come out to find you" (mentally screaming "why the flock didn't you call ME you SOB???") Anyway, I told him we'd moved into a 4 bedroom house (he last saw us when we had a 3 bedroom townhouse). He wanted to know what we needed with all that room? I said "Well one of the rooms is going to have to be a nursery soon because we're having a baby - you're second grandchild" He said "That's nice, but aren't you almost 40?" (mentally screaming "you should flocking well KNOW how old I am you SOB!!") I said sweetly "Yes, I'm 39 now and will be 40 when the baby is born". Chitty chatty chitty chatty, blah blah blah. I had 2 or 3 other phone calls from him during my pregnancy. I called him 2 or 3 times too. Things seemed to be going ok.
In May, when Stefanie was born, Daddy came to see us in the hospital. There was a tear in his eye when I handed her to him and said "Here ya go Pappy". He just looked at her for the longest time. Barbara kept saying how she wished they lived closer so she could just spoil Stefanie rotten (she doesn't drive) and how much she misses her great-granddaughter in California (they'd been babysitting her before they came back here). She was just gushing.....
And then the silence returned. I called and left 4 or 5 messages and emailed Daddy twice about Stefanie's Christening Ceremony in July. Nothing... No acknowledgement, no "sorry but we're waxing our floor that day", nothing. I didn't even try again for months.
more next time....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
My son's father is like this. It was like pulling teeth to get him to participate in anything. It wasn't like we were unfriendly towards each other either. What's wierd is he married a woman with three kids, when he had no interest in his own. The sad part is my son idolizes him. Oh well, he'll figure it out when he's older.
His loss, Terri. I wouldn't even have bothered to call him.
He doesn't seem like he's very interested in fatherhood.
My father's the same, haven't seen him since i was four, but then again, i have never heard his side of the story.
"Aren't you almost 40?" That would have made me so angry!!!!
Post a Comment