Still here

I must not be in the first 50%. And yes, yesterday was an official holiday. If the market is closed, we're closed.

We had a nice weekend, except that Steve was out chopping ice at work most of the day Saturday, then had 3 service calls Sunday evening. Yesterday, at Walmart, Stef agreed to the deal and didn't retract it this time. I bought her the My Little Pony panties with the agreement that she has to try not to pee in them. We shook on it. Of course, right after we said Deal! she said No Deal! but that's just because she sees that show on TV too much LOL! I still have to wash the panties for the first time, so I'll probably give it a try starting Saturday. MIL can't stand Stef pee'ing all over her carpet/furniture, so the whole thing will be left up to me - I suppose as it should be, but some teamwork would be nice. I still have to get Steve to watch the 123 Magic DVD, then convince her to watch it. small sigh

EEEK

This is c&p'd from an email we just got, so I may not be in the clear. We'll see if I still have access on Monday.

This is to remind you of the new policy restrictions on Internet Access and to inform you that effective this coming weekend over 50% of our branch office population will receive an upgrade which will prohibit the downloading of software to their WMW. You may wish to remind your branch office personnel of this new policy and its associated restrictions.

SNOW!!!

At last!! We got about 7 or 8 inches, plus about 2 inches of sleet. The weather guy said that if it had stayed a few degrees colder aloft, we would have had something like 20 inches of snow. I couldn't get to work for 2 days, but made it in today. The roads are still slippery, but driveable now. This is Stef's first real snow that she will remember (for awhile at least).

Well, crap! I thought I'd uploaded the snow pix, but apparently not! I will share as soon as I get them in PB.

I'm still f'ing pissed at my supervisor. I called him on Tuesday to tell him I was turning around and going home. His snotty comment "So, there's no way you can make it into the office?" I said "Umm, Ron. I just cleared an accident scene on 30 with a Jeep on it's roof in the ditch. The ambulances were getting the back boards out. It's slippery and only going to get worse. And I have my TWO YEAR OLD IN THE BACK SEAT! It's just not worth it to me." He was still snotty about it, but ended up telling me to be safe. Now that I'm back, I see 2 emails from management that says our safety is paramount, not to come in if we can't safely get here. I swear he is the 2nd worse supervisor I've ever had in my whole life! He's the father of 2 small boys too. What a jerk!

The worst supervisor I ever had was a dude in New Mexico that sat me down and verbally counselled me because people at the shop were afraid to call my house. I was afraid to call my house too! My ex was very out of control at that time. He never asked about the marks on my face (obvious finger nail scratches) or the bruises on my arms the one time I forgot and took off my outer uniform shirt. Ass. He probably beat his own wife too. He went on to become an officer later. Rumor had it that he might come to Panama during the closure of our runway to help out. I was SO glad he didn't because I'm afraid I'd have been busted for insubordination for telling him what I thought of him.

I'm trying hard not to, but I'm afraid I'm gonna tell this boss what I think of him next time I talk to him.

If only I could follow my own rule

My main casino rule: NEVER put the winnings back in the slot machine! Oh well. We had fun even if we only came home with $1.75. I made an interesting observation while we were walking on the boardwalk. At home, I have to cover my mouth/nose with my scarf or I start wheezing and coughing with an asthma attack. For some reason, the cold ocean air didn't bother me. It was quite a brisk breeze, especially as the sun was setting and my ears were much more bothered than my lungs.

You just can't beat going to Atlantic City on a bus trip. The casino gave us $25 back when we got there, so the trip was only $7 net each. I doubt we could have matched that in gas expenses. Plus, we got to semi-relax while Bus Driver Bob (yes, that was really his name) handled all the traffic in record time. Those tour bus drivers must have to have a lead foot as a job pre-requesite.

Stef did really well with her Aunt Von & Uncle (Ankle) Shawn. She asked where we were 3 or 4 times, but only cried when she got booboo's - only 2, which is a pretty good day for my toddler.

I had another really strange dream last night....something about someone trying to get Stef away from me and we kept running away and hiding. It really scared me and I had a hard time sleeping after it woke me up at 3am.

As if you's didn't think I was crazy already....

I had a dream about George Lucas last night. Nothing naughty (YUCK!) but weird all the same.

We were at some kind of kid's event, making puppets out of paper plates. GL just happens along (OMG!!!! I'm not worthy) He picks one of the kids - STEF!! - and decides to direct a play using her puppets and wanted me & Steve to help. I don't remember exactly what we ended up doing in the play, but it was fun. Stef had a blast, even if she didn't follow his direction.

Then we find out that he and his family bought the big house at the end of our development! Now that our family and his family are friendly, he asks us to take care of his dogs while he's away for a weekend. While in his house, I accidentally break some artsy fartsy very expensive looking statue. I cleaned up the mess and it turns out that GL didn't like that thing anyway.

Weird. I know. I'm just surprised I remember as much of it as I do. I know there was more, but can't focus on it enough to remember.

small vent

I help my friends and family with their taxes. I don't mind, in fact, I rather enjoy it. What bugs me is when certain people don't get that I do this as a favor. I understand needing the $ quickly, but dammit, I work fulltime and have a 2 yr old that won't let me sit at my computer without her taking over. Get off me! And if I had all the correct information BEFORE I transmitted the return for E-file, we wouldn't be having these problems of a check being sent to an old address. I KNOW the PO won't forward gov't checks. It'll be returned to sender. Meanwhile, it's up to me to figure out what to do about it! And she didn't even offer to put a stamp on the envelope for the one form that HAS to be mailed in. WTF?? I think Steve is right. I'm being taken advantage of here. Time to stand up for myself. I love my friend of *gasp* 30 years very dearly, but she needs to quit walking on me. And I need to quit allowing it.

Okay, vent over

We had a little snow overnight - less than an inch I think, but Stef was excited to see it. It's still too cold to really go out and play in it though. I don't think it would make a snowman anyway - too fluffy.

I'm still here

And I have a really funny Stef story...

Sunday morning around 8:45 (thank you very much for the extra sleep in, Stef) our little sweetypie came over and said good morning. When she realized daddy was in bed too she went to his side of the bed and kept telling him to get up, it's a sun day (I think she meant sunny day), time to get up, c'mon daddy. She even handed his robe to him. He was talking to her but he was still really tired and not getting up. She must have realized he was a tough cookie to crack so she said "okay daddy, you sleep" and went downstairs. She came right back up and started singing to him "go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep daddy" like a lullaby, followed directly by a blast from her toy trumpet! LMTO! If only I'd had the camcorder handy, we could have sent that in for the $10,000 on AFV. What a character!!

Well, so far so good

No blockage messages so far, not even for Ebay. I hope they aren't just late in running the program or planning on running it after hours tonight. Stay tuned....

WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

I'm so bummed. Mother Merrill strikes again. I just got this email (partial c&p below)

Branch offices will be upgraded in accordance with the corporate restrictions beginning Friday, February 2.

The initial upgrade will prevent the downloading of software to protect the firm against viruses. Additional blocking will occur thereafter to include websites which contain objectionable content, chat functionality, email, gaming, message boards and clubs.

Should you have a legitimate business need to access a specific blocked site, you can request an exception by following the instructions provided on the notification page that is displayed when trying to access a blocked site.

I think Ang was right and that day when I had blockage issues a few months ago was probably a test of the software. BLAH!!! If you see an entry tomorrow, you know I still have access. If not, I'm blocked from Blogger and Chatzy.

Some new pix

Lining up her Dibs like tic-tac-toe on the napkin


Eating Dibs - one in each cheek


say CHEESE




"reading" the letters on Grandpop's treadmill


being a messy artist

Very friendly

I asked some of the yaya's yesterday in chat, but let's see what the rest of you think. MIL told me and Steve that she thinks Stef is getting very friendly with strangers lately and she wants to know how we want her to handle it - because there are so many creeps and pervs out there.

I had to ask for clearer clarification as to what she meant by "very friendly". She said, "Well, she's going up and talking to the kids more now. And she's been talking to the parents and adults more lately too" (I'll have to assume she means at Gymbo class or storytime) I could tell by the look on her face as she was saying it that she could hear just how ridiculous it sounded. I mean, come on. My 2 yr old is talking to kids **GASP** and their parents in a familiar, controlled, supervised environment.

Steve and I talked about it last night. His point to his mom was "well aren't YOU watching her? you're supposed to be right there with her at Gymbo and storytime" I haven't actually responded back to her yet other than "let me think on it and talk to Steve" I totally agree with arming Stef with protective information. But we both agree Stef is too young to understand that stuff yet. I plan to teach her about not allowing anybody to touch her private parts, but I really think we should wait til after she's potty trained or she'll be yelling at US for wiping her at diaper changes.

What do you all think?

Row row row the boat

questionaire

1. FIRST NAME. Terri

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My great-aunt's middle name was Tressa, so my mom borrowed the spelling a little bit for Terrisa and my grandmother's and aunt's middle name is also my middle name.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? When I dropped Stef off with MIL this morning

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? usually

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? honey ham

6. KIDS? 3 if you count the furbabies (I do)

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? absolutely

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Just this blog

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? all the time

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Nope

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Not only no, but Hell no !

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Apple Cinnamon Cheerios

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes, emotionally for what I've lived thru and physically fairly strong (I came in 2nd place in the Basewide Arm Wrestling competition/females category in 1993)

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Reese's PB Cup (Breyer's brand)

16. SHOE SIZE? 9-1/2

17. RED OR PINK? pink

18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my weight

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? living - my friend Judy from B'more; passed - my grandparents

20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Don't matter I love these no matter what

21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? black pants black shoes.

22.WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? shredded wheat with banana on top and skim milk

23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? 101 WROZ

24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? purple

25. What is your FAVORITE SMELL? hyacinth

26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? I don't even remember - probably a client, but maybe a co-worker

27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? smile

28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes :)

29. Favorite drink? hot chocolate - Swiss Miss Fat Free Marshmallow Lovers

30. FAVORITE SPORT? none really

31. EYE COLOR? green

32 DO YOU EMBRACE THE NEW TECHNOLOGY? yes

33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I used to but my allergies are too bad now, so it's just glasses

34. FAVORITE FOOD? chocolate

35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy

36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? ummm - some DVD we got for Christmas.....I can't remember

37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? brown with a black jacket

38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer

39. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs

40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Pellman's peanut butter pie

41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? All yaya's likely will do this, we're freaks.

42. Least LIKELY TO RESPOND? anyone who already did it.

43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Star Wars (of course) Legacy of the Force: Bloodlines

44. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? our Christmas family picture

45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Deal or No Deal and the beginning of Heroes

46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Stef's laughter

47. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles!

48. THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Panama or Germany - not sure which is further away

49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I can sew

50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? 1965 Columbia PA

Mary

I'm feeling quite disturbed by this story. Meredith - the only reason I thought of you when I heard this is because of foster care. Anyway, here goes...

My 14 yr old neice Sarah has a best friend, Mary, 15 yrs old. A few weeks ago, Mary's little sister came to my sister's house around 6am asking her to please call the police because her dad was beating Mary all night long. Of course my sister called. They came and put the dad in jail and took Mary out of the home. Turns out, he'd beat her with a belt for 2 hours and she had cuts all over her legs from it. Not knowing that the police would do so, Sarah gave her digital camera to the little sister to take pictures of Mary's injuries.

After my sister spoke to a detective on the phone, she explained about the camera and that Sarah was afraid to call or go down there to get it back. The detective assured her that it should be okay, so Sarah called and asked if they could come get the camera back. After the little sister said it would be okay, that they could do a drive-by pick-up, the mom got on the phone. She doesn't speak English very well (the whole family are naturalized citizens originally from Egypt) but kept asking Sarah "Why you mom call police have my daughter taken away?" Sarah simply told her she wouldn't discuss it with her (yay Sarah).

Then they drove down to get the camera. Well, here comes the mom and she started in on my sister with the same line. She ended up having to have the little sister come out and translate the conversation. Poor little thing (11 yrs old I think) was terrified. My sister's answer was simply "Because your husband was beating on her with a belt. I did what you should have done. I protected your daughter. You should be ashamed of yourself" At first the mom denied even knowing about the beating, which was a total lie because it was the mom who told the dad that Mary had been talking to a boy on the phone, knowing full well he'd beat her for it. Then she changed her story saying, "He no hurt her bad. Just a little; here (pointing to her butt)" My sister asked her to explain the cuts on her legs then. "Well, no bad. Just a little. He had to or Mary end up pregnant at 16" (Gee - if I'd know THAT'S how you get pg, I wouldn't be wasting all this time and money on infertility treatments!!!) The conversation just kept going in the same cirlces, so they took the camera and drove off.

Meanwhile, Sarah found out that the dad was threatening to shave off all Mary's hair and slice her face up and if he couldn't do it, he'd send her back to Egypt so they could do it there. He made bail and was talking about taking the whole family back to Egypt. My sister passed that info on to the detective.

As disturbing as all that is, last night put the icing on the cake. I was at my sister's for my monthly massage and Sarah was on the phone in the kitchen when we came downstairs. She's not what you could call a quiet talker so we overheard everything she said. The first thing we hear is "You went all the way?!?!?!? Ewwwwwwwww! With Kevin??!!?? Dude! You've only known him for 3 months!" So my sister went into the kitchen and quietly asked Sarah about it. She confirmed that it was Mary and that she did indeed say she went all the way. My sister asked if she had at least used protection. Sarah mouthed "probably not". My sister came back in to talk to me and said that was the only thing she didn't like about Mary, how boy-crazy she always was. Apparently her parents had something real to worry about with her, but tried to resolve it in all the wrong ways. The last thing I heard from Sarah was "NO! I do NOT want to know what it felt like" at which point my sister went back to talk to Sarah some more. As I was going out the door, I heard "I won't, mom! I'm not stoooopid!"

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Just plain disturbing.

Old age

One of my clients told me the other day that her mother always said "Old age is a curse, but what the hell else is there??" I only quote her now because I couldn't get into make comments or update here at all on Tuesday and now, for the life of me, I can't remember what I was going to write about. LMTO!

I just called and bugged the insurance company. They say it will take 14-21 days for the claim to be finalized. I will just keep following it online until Jan 26. If it's not updated by then, I'll be calling again. Because my biological clock is ticking like THIS!

The boss came around with the "notifications" this morning which just means he told us all how much our raises and bonuses are this year. 3% raise for da GEEK! Yay! and the bonus is up about 10% over last years, so I'm pleased with that. My rating for the year is a 4 (on a scale of 1-5) Last year it was 5 but EVERYBODY was getting a 5 unless they were screwing up. So they re-skewed the scales again, back to where they are supposed to be. 3 is a good employee. 4 is a super star. 5 is a super duper rock star. I'm okay with being a 4 in that case.

Nothing else new. I'm still having back spasms. Steve is enjoying his new job (he's doing the same thing, just for a new company). Stef is super cute as ever.

Christmas pix

This is my new fave pix of Stef

Here she is in her "clubhouse" with all her goodies

acting like she's in the WWE

with her spotting scope

how cute is this glove/hat set?

Good pix of my mom and aunt

why do men think this kind of picture is funny?

Against direct orders...

Here I am at work again after a lovely 4 day weekend. Stef told me this morning "No work mommy! Jammers!" meaning I was supposed to be in my PJ's and staying home with her again. LOL. She cracks me up and makes it really hard to be sad about anything. Yesterday, she called me out to the kitchen and said "Look! Balloons!!" as she pointed to the kitchen ceiling. Next it was "Here mommy. Cake. Blow candle" She had her own invisible cake and candle too. When we both blew out our candles, she told me "Happy Birthday!!" What a super sweetheart! I've been telling her my birthday is coming soon (tomorrow) and so she threw me a surprise party!

She was "writing" on a piece of paper yesterday afternoon and handed it to me to write on too. So I wrote Stefanie Jaina Hohn and read it to her. She flipped the paper over and "wrote" some more then passed it back to me so I wrote Mommy and read it to her. She looked at it and said "Mommy Jaina Hohn" LMTO! I love her little mind.

UltraMan vs. the kitty

ROFLMTO!!!!!!! I bought the DVD set of Ultraman http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/u/urutora.htm

Steve and I both LOVED this cheesy Godzilla type TV show when we were little kids. We started to watch it a little last night. Steve was worrying that it would give Stef nightmares so he started calling the monster a big kitty. So then she was worrying about the kitty - where did kitty go? Eventually, Ultraman showed up and started fighting with the "kitty", sort of wrestling style. So Stef says "Oh look. He hugging the kitty!!" I laughed so hard I almost pee'd my pants.

The stock markets are closed Tuesday for President Ford's funeral, so ML is closed too. Yippee!! A 4 day weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great weekend

Stef just makes it way too hard to be sad. We had a great Christmas weekend, despite having to endure my evil SIL and her 2 passive aggressive brats. My absolute favorite moment was at MIL's on Christmas Eve. Stef had a gift bag to open and took the tissue paper out and gasped "PINK PAPER!!" Then she was dancing around the room with it. ROFLMTO! She thought the paper was the gift and was LOVING it!!

Do we have to hire a realtor to find out how much the deserted island for evil SIL's will cost? AGH! I really really can't stand her. Steve was shocked as we were driving home last night talking about the evening. It's no secret that he can't stand her, but he said "wow! You really don't like her do you? I thought you could get along with anybody" I told him I could be civil with her, but that's about it.

I'll try to get pix uploaded soon.

Oh well

The blood test is negative. I'm not pregnant. There is no way they've made a mistake. My baby boy (yes, we know it was a boy because of the genetic test) just didn't want to stick around this time.

At least we know I still have some good eggs in there. I'm willing to try again, but only if the insurance ends up covering the genetic testing. If they don't, we're finished because we just don't have $5000 to lay down on the table again. I'm pretty sure they will cover it - 90% anyway. But meanwhile I'm hating sitting here waiting for the insurance company to piss. Waiting for them means losing the January cycle and probably the March cycle too. So we're looking at June probably. I'll be going on the Nuvaring as soon as I get AF (probably Monday) so my system stays regulated so we don't have to jump thru that herdle (or is it hurdle?) again.

I'm okay. Disappointed and a little sad, but okay. I might have a meltdown later when I have Steve to hold me thru the sobbing.

Is it Friday yet?

I can hardly wait to hear the results of tomorrow's bloodwork. I might poas tomorrow morning, but it's probably too soon for even a FRED to register.

AAGGHH!!!

Somebody must have flunked or totally skipped MIL 101. I had Steve pick up Stef last night. MIL was wondering to him how Stef got her cold. She seems to think it's because Stef wasn't dressed right. It pissed him and I'm freaking furious. Why would you say something like that??? WTF?!?!

Stef caught a cold because she came in contact with a germ that she has no immunity to. I know a family in B'more that has this same cold, and someone in FL too for that matter. I could think of some more if I really thought about it hard. It's GOING AROUND RIGHT NOW!!! Steve thinks she got the cold from when we were at HersheyPark Christmas CandyLane. She was all sweaty from running and bouncing then we put her coat back on her and went straight outside. I agree that could lower her resistance a bit, but she caught a cold because a virus found her for crying out loud!!

Nothing like questioning your son and DIL's parenting abilities to fuel the Christmas cheer!

Christmas status

We went to a local paint your own pottery place Saturday to make a gift for Grandma and Omi. Stef had a great time but was not cooperative at all about the handprint thing this time. She just wanted to paint freestyle. Fine. Have at it. I just wish I hadn't let her get near the black paint. Oh well, they turned out great anyway. We shopped for most of the rest of the family then and planned to finish up Sunday. Ha!

I wanted to get started early but that never happens. I got out the door to drop Stef off with my sister around 11:45. Kmart sucked the life out of me, the Circuit City had a line that went on forever. I only spent about 20 minutes in Barnes & Noble, and had had enough. I headed back to pick up Stef since I told my sister it would only be a few hours. Stef hadn't napped and it was about 4:00. She offered to keep her longer if it would help me, so I tried to nap her, but no luck. She was definately getting buggy tired and was acting out a bit, trying to steal cooling cookies and the like. I was still going to take her with me, but Stef said she wanted to stay with Aunt Lissa. Naturally 5 minutes after I left, she was asking for me.

Next I went to Weis Market to get pet foods for Omi, since she's not able to drive right now (she just had surgery on her hands to release her trigger fingers), then dropped it off to her and took out her trash. Then I went to Giant for our groceries. By this time Steve was finished so he picked up Stef. She fell asleep in the car. So he got to snuggle with her on the couch while she finished her very very late nap while I unloaded the groceries and started making cookies. As I was mixing the first batch, I realized I hadn't bought enough butter. I was too tired to make more than that first batch anyway.

And I still need to find 2 more gifts for Steve plus think of something for Stef's godparents. And I'm still working on Christmas cards. I'll probably be wrapping stuff very late on Christmas Eve. Is it Friday yet?

Linda - your blog won't let me make comments! It makes me sign in, but then says incorrect password and I know it's right (at least I'm pretty sure it's right). I'm already signed in before I try to comment too so I just don't get it.

Fun game

http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf

Just in case you need to work out some stress :)

Normal

My ovaries are normal. My uterus is normal. I feel completely and totally normal. But I suppose I wouldn't get any symptoms for a few weeks either way.

I had some weird cramping yesterday that scared me, but the RE said it didn't mean anything - except maybe implantation! Woohoo! I haven't seen any spotting yet. She also recommends that I refrain from picking up anything (including Stef) or carrying anything heavy until at least after the blood test next week. Well, her exact words were "don't do anything you might regret until after the blood test". Nuff said.

Stef has a cold. She's been sleeping poorly (understandably so) which means I end up in her bed for most of the night. Normally, I lay on a little 12x12 pillow and she has her regular bed pillow. Well, last night, she insisted on sharing the 12x12 with me. So here's miss snotty face in my face, playing with her hair so that it tickles my face, with her little arm wrapped so sweetly around me or on my face or holding a chunk of my hair - all so she will know if I try to get up and go back to my own bed. It was a looooonnnggg night last night. I think she's over the hump of the cold and seems to be getting better now. But she's still all about Mommy. Daddy isn't even allowed to kiss her right now. She was telling MIL around 11:30 that she's ready to go home now with Mommy. She doesn't usually start that until around 4. I love it, but it's very tiring too.

picture of the embryo

This is my little 8 cell blob - before they transferred back to me.



Isn't it cute??

superquick update

We got ONE good oocyte!!!!!!!!!!!!! The transfer will be today around 12:30! Then it's 24 hrs of bedrest and the dreaded 2 week wait.

Wednesday update

Well, Meredith, I'll see what I can about the every day thing, but here's a start. Last night I was supposed to take my HcG injection at EXACTLY 7:30pm. Well it ended up more like 7:45 and I confessed that to the RE's office this morning. She said that if it's a problem, Michelle will call me. Now I'm jump with fright everytime my boob vibrates. So far, no call from Michelle. It was only 15 minutes late, mostly because Stef was STILL asleep at my mom's at 7:15 last night. That was a marathon 4 hr nap!!! She must be growing again or something.

The next step then was to take a HPT this morning with FMU. It was supposed to be positive due to the HcG shot from last night. It was BFP, but that is just plain MEAN to make me do that!!!! I took my doxycycline this morning and one more tonight. Then no food or water after 11pm tonight. We need to show up at 7am tomorrow morning to get the show on the road. I'll give another update tomorrow if I'm up to it. The whole needle in my ovaries thing scares me a little, but I'll do whatever it takes.

Stef update....Ang will recognize where this one comes from (probably). MIL called this morning and said Stef is running around chasing Daisy (the boxer) saying "I gonna kick you butt" I'm totally mortified. MIL said "I thought it sounded like something you would say". Sure enough, I've told Presh for years that I'd kick her black furry butt, usually for having her face on the table looking for food or for having something forbidden in her mouth. I should have known to filter that phrase out of my vocabulary. Son of a Hutt! LMTO.

Weird full moon thing from yesterday....a client came to the window with a deposit. He's been a "difficult client" in the past, but not so bad lately. We had a few run-in's because he didn't like our no-cash policy or our no-3rd-party-checks policy. So he actually had the audacity to say to me yesterday "You know, dear, I have to hand it to you. When I first started coming in here, you had a horrible personality, but now you've totally turned that around" WTF is somebody supposed to say to that??? Thanks??? I just blurted out "Well, I think we just had some misunderstandings on the policies back then" What a complete and total Neimoidian thing to say!!!!

Goodbye Doofus

My mom's 17 or 18 yr old kitty named Doofus crossed over today. She was never very friendly and always sort of on the wild side, but Omi loved her (more than she deserved sometimes) and cared for her til her last breath. Stef just thinks Kitty Doofus is sleeping. Omi will bury her in the yard once Stef leaves for the day.

Eggs eggs eggs

My retrieval will be Thursday morning. I'll be on bedrest Thursday and Friday. They will do the genetic testing over the weekend. Monday morning will be the transfer if we get any genetically normal oocytes. I think I'll need Monday off work either way (for bedrest or for crying and mourning), and I'll be off Tuesday if we have a successful transfer for more bedrest. Please send me all your good egg prayers!!

The (Christmas) Holiday Party was really nice. The food was DELISH!!! They had roast beef and roast turkey breast (or pork? I didn't eat it so I'm not sure). There was a pasta station where I spent most of the evening HAHA. I had tortellini and chicken in a yummy garlic sauce. There was also a nice salad station. I always enjoy a nice plate of weeds. The tree was HUGE and decorated exquisitely, even after the DJ blew the circuit breaker. I wore my burgandy velvet dress that Steve bought me back in 97. The tag said size 12 and I nearly panicked since I was just pulling it out of the closet 2 hrs before we had to leave for the party. TG velvet is VERY forgiving. One of my coworkers even said I looked stunning. Steve and I danced to one slow song. Gee, it'd been quite a while since we last danced. My broker was, shall we say, very 'happy' (it was an open bar) and she kept trying to get me to go dance with her and 3 or 4 of the other girls from the office. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess I just wasn't drunk enough. Ya know, it's been almost 10 years since I drank any alcohol....since I started doing Richard Simmons. It's just not worth the calories to me most of the time. This time, it was because I'm busy growing eggs and didn't want to risk screwing that up for anything.

It's just around the corner

I have 4 mature follicles and 2 immature ones. Everything depends partly on my bloodwork, but the u/s tech is guessing Thursday for my egg retrieval. I'm still waiting for the official phone call and will update when I hear.

We went to the ML Holiday party Saturday night. It was fun! We each got a huge Hershey Kiss (about 1/4 lb I think) to take home as a party favor. Stef saw them in the morning and said "Mmmmm. Chocolate! I want chocolate please!" I told her we had to eat breakfast before we could eat chocolate, so she spies the 2nd big Kiss and asked "Well, how 'bout that one?" LMTO! The answer is still the same, sweet child of mine!!!

Well that was weird

I was blocked by the ML Bull all day yesterday from EBay, BlogSpot, and Chatzy. There was some filter program run that even told me WHY I was blocked and that the site in question may have content that is inconsistent with the ML electronic communications policy. But, today, it's all back?!?!?! I don't know how long the access will last, but I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts.

PS - One of my coworkers gave me a hint that might circumvent the blocking of sites - she said to type www . SECURE.whatever-site-is-blocked

booboo

Last night, Steve took Stef upstairs to change diaper and get jammers on. I was on the phone with my mom downstairs. I heard her running "the circle" (hallway to bedroom to bathroom and repeat). There was giggling, "catch me Daddy", then THUMP. I waited for it .... 5 4 3 2 SCREAMING! She had run full force into the edge of the open bathroom door. No blood or anything but she has a nice red stripe from her forehead to her cheek, across her left eye. Poor little thing. After all the crying was over, all she wanted to do was sit down and read our bedtime book. Actually, she didn't even make it all the way thru Polar Express. She closed the book and said "The End". Okay - off to bed. She even talked about it this morning. I know that one hurt like heck.

This morning, I heard her playing in the hallway while I was getting ready for work. She was saying something about being a teacher. I asked her if she was a teacher today and she said "No Mommy. It's me. Stefanie!" ROFLMTO!! Like I didn't recognize her!!!

Pictures - just for Elisa!

because I think everybody else has seen them (oops - except Meredith)

She survived

Aunt Ruth Ann said Stef was an absolute angel for her yesterday. I'm glad they had fun together! Stef is with my mom today and Friday, then Aunt Von Monday, and my mom again Tuesday. Then I think we're finally back to an almost reasonably normal sitter schedule.

I'm pretty pissed at my supervisor at the moment for the way he spoke to me yesterday regarding the time off I'll need for the IVF. We'll just have to wait and see what he comes back to me with after he checks the schedule and sees that one person is off that whole week, another if off the Monday, and another is off that Wed-Fri. Plus my counterpart in his office will be off Wed-Fri. As she often tells me, anybody can do anything for a few days. I just hope bossman doesn't give me too hard of a time about it. I don't anybody to make it any harder than this already is.

Stef update

Ever since the fever broke at 2:30 am Sunday night, she's been back to her normal sweet two year old self.

She normally counts like this: 3 1 3 1 3 1 3 1 3 1
but surprised me this morning by counting the beads on my sweater 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 6 9 10 11 12 ( i guess she doesn't care for the number 8). She was just counting with Steve last night along with Sesame Street, so maybe it sort of just clicked for her. I remember that math suddenly just clicked for me one day, but that was in 4th grade. Ah, my sweet amazing little girl!!

Please say a prayer for my Godmother (Aunt Ruth Ann). She's watching Stef today. She is one of the sweetest gentlest kindest ladies I've ever known and I was afraid Stef would chew her up and spit her out. When I approached her about it, she said "Now, honey, I can be stern when I have to be" LMTO! Apparently, she really can be because she scolded me sternly for trying to pay her for babysitting today.

I may not be around much today as my supervisor will be in the office very shortly.

Well, it took freakin forever, but that's because their machine broke and they had to send the blood samples out somewhere.

Worth the wait though, because I passed the test this time!!! My levels are all good. I take out the NuvaRing on Thanksgiving, then start the injections. Follistim twice a day Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Friday morning is bloodwork and ultrasound. Right after the bloodwork I take another Follistim. Then we'll go from there, but we're looking at an egg retrieval later in the week of Dec 4!!

WooHoo!!!!!

Opinion expressed

We took Stef to church Sunday morning. Just as Pastor Jeff started with the scripture reading, Stef started projectile puking all over the pew. I guess she didn't want to hear what the Romans had to say. She'd had choc milk with breakfast, so at least it didn't smell too bad. When she was finished (rather on the wooden pew than on the carpet in the aisle), I scooped her up and ran her to the bathroom. Mr Rich offered to help, so I sent him to help Steve with some paper towels.

Poor Stef. It scared the crap out of her. In the bathroom, she was just worried about her pretty little dress. "Muddy all over my dress. Muddy all over Mommy. Oh no!" I took off her jacket and coat, cleaned up her tights as best as I could and exited the bathroom. I was going to take her home, but she seemed to be perfectly happy as long as I cuddled her, so we went back for the last 10 minutes of the service. I checked her temp after the service and she was 101.3.

At home, she had one shot of diarhea, messed her next outfit, then took a 2-1/2 hr nap, during which time, her fever broke. She got up, ate 2 cups of Jello, begged for more choc milk, and played quietly while I cleaned. A couple hours later, she was 99.6, so more tylenol. She was cool at bed time. BUT at O'dark:30 (12:30am for you civilians) she came out of her room and said "I want my mommy" in the most pitiful voice I've heard from her yet. She was burning up again. Motrin this time but then she had a had time settling back down. Around 2am, she said she had to pee potty, so I took her over. She was cold without her pj's so I hugged/cuddled her while she pee'd. After that, she was able to settle down and get back to sleep. Not so easy for me. I guess I kept waiting for her to come get me again.

I was probably also anxious/nervous about today's bloodtest. I'm still waiting on the phone call to tell me if I flunk or pass this one. There was a cyst on the right ovary but the tech didn't seem too concerned.

I'll update later when I get the phone call....

Twas the week before Thanksgiving

and all thru the town, Christmas decorations and Christmas music were everywhere to be found.

Okay, it doesn't quite rhyme, but so what. Santa is coming to one of the malls this weekend!There are Christmas street decorations up already and the radio is playing all Christmas music already. In case anybody wants to join in the fun, here is the link so you can listen too www.roseradio.com I'm all for the Christmas spirit and all, but it just feels too soon. Can I please get thru Thanksgiving first?

Ready to fire

Steve is ready to fire both moms from watching Stef. MIL keeps coming up with more and more dates that they want her to work, which is to be expected for somebody that fills in vacation/sick time for other people, especially this time of the year. My mom's already started her annual winter-long "not feeling well" spree. So far, she's not been too sick to take care of Stef.

I'm the one that has to scramble to find back-up care, so I don't quite understand why he's the one that is so upset???

I know it would be best for Stef to have consistent care with a consistent schedule. I also know it would break his mom's heart if we pulled Stef from her completely. She has 3 granddaughters but will never ever get to see the other 2, so she's heavily invested in Stef.

MIL insists that the extra working days will come to a schreeching halt after the first of the year, so I'm willing to deal with the coverage scramble for now.

Stef was SO funny last night in the car on the way home. She was pretending that I was a kitty and kept feeding me "milk". She had a pinch of air that she kept putting in the palm of my hand. After about 4 servings, I told her that mommy kitty was full. "Full?" Yes, my belly is full of milk. No more room. "no more room? how about my room?" I'm pretty sure she thought we were talking about bedrooms, not available space in my belly. ROFLMTO!! I love the way her mind works!

IF

I heard from the RE late yesterday. I'm scheduled for bloodwork(with the Nuvaring still in) and ultrasound on 11/20 (2 Mondays from now). IF everything is within acceptable levels, we are good to go for a December retrieval!!! She was saying the week of Dec 4, more specifically, Dec 6-9, depending on follicle growth.

If my levels are not good, we'll probably supplement with Lupron and be stuck with the last week of January for retrieval.

Steffy story - I put a cute little denim jumper and tshirt on her this morning. She proclaimed "Steffy princess!" I'm thinking that any flowy article of clothing makes her feel like a princess. LMTO

School

Stef was so stinkin cute yesterday. MIL took her to B&N for story time and saw a cute little Disney Princess backpack for sale. She thought Stef might like it for Christmas and showed it to her. Well, Stef LOVES that little backpack. She was walking all around B&N telling people "Steffy going to school. Steffy going to school" I guess she sees the big kids at the bus stop with their backpacks and put 2 and 2 together. The next problem was that MIL never takes her purse along in to story time. So she had to pry the backpack from Stef's little grasp so they could go to the car and get her wallet. Enter bloody fit. It didn't last long, only til they went back in to pay for the thing. I told MIL to hide it during Stef's nap or she'd never get it back. When I got there to pick her up, Stef was still sleeping, so I snuck in MIL's bedroom to check out the backpack. I showed it to Steve when he got there (to scrape off some foam stuff from the day before). When Stef woke up, MIL just HAD to get the backpack out to show us how cute Stef is with it. Steve tried to play his usual "mine!" game with her but she wasn't having any parts of it with backpack. Then as I was getting her ready to go vote with me, we were all surprised that Stef just left the backpack go.

I knew Stef wasn't understanding that were going to Vote and not Boat. At the polling station, she asked "Where da water?" LOL She was so incredibly good while we waited in line, then wanted to help me push the buttons on the new electronic voting machine. It was so cute.

Another one bites the dust

This cycle is a bust. My estradiol level on Sunday was still 74. Since they want to give me the best possible chance of getting pg, we're not proceeding this month. They don't normally have IVF week in December because too many other things are going on, BUT they are trying to see if the embryologist team will be available for a special one just for me. They should be getting back to me by the end of the week to let me know.

If they can't get the embryologists, the next IVF week is the week of Jan 22nd or 29th - I'm not sure which - all she said was 'the last week of Jan'

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, it's back to the nuvaring for me tonight. They plan to monitor my levels throughout the month, both with and without the ring in, so they can see if I need Lupron injections to help the ring get me under control.

I'm bummed but glad they are willing to go to such lengths to help me out.

If I just tried a little.....

I could probably make myself feel even more inadequate than I already do right now.

All the fussing and wrestling with Stef and her Omnicef (Steve even helped this morning - HA, he thought I was exaggerating) and MIL gets it in her. I know it's probably just a different location, different person, different approach thing, but BLAST IT! Like I don't already feel bad enough handing her over every day!

She got her medicine. That's the important thing. I'll just have to get over the rest on my own.

Comments from yesterday

It's a bloody fit because that's what my mom always called a major meltdown super duper fit. It's her fault.

We use kid's toothpaste now, just a small dab, and I'm pretty sure it has fluoride. Try a CrestSpinBrush - Stef loves hers.

Meredith - LMTO about the slug. YUCK!

more later.....

ps - I still can't get in Linda's blog!!!!!!

Bloody fits (bloody in the British sense of the word)

Stef has been having major meltdown bloody fits lately. The omnicef didn't fly this morning. My fragrance dujour is Cherry omnicef. I tasted the stuff. It's GOOD! I have one last hope in fooling her. I put red food coloring in it to make it pink like Amoxicillan and I'll give it to her upstairs rather than downstairs. If that doesn't work, I'm asking for a pill form that I can shove down her throat like I do with Ellie's pills twice a day every day.

Last night's bloody fit was horrible. It started after her teeth were brushed. I gave her a little water in a cup to rinse, just like always. She put the pouty face on and put her chin down on the edge of the sink. I waited about 20 seconds and asked if she was going to rinse. She gently backhanded the cup into the sink. Fine, no rinsing, let's go to bed. As soon as her door was shut the crying/screaming began. "I want it! I want it!!" I told her too bad, she had her chance to rinse. After about 20 minutes of solid bloody fit, she started to calm down and quietly said "I want it" so we went back to the bathroom only to repeat the earlier scene. "That's it. You're done. Bed" And so the screaming/crying started again. I was headbutted in the mouth and that little noggin is HARD! I basically just had to hold her until she exhausted herself and finally fell asleep.

I'm re-reading 1-2-3 Magic, but I better start reading MUCH faster.

House of germs

Steve has some kind of flu bug. He came home from a 16 hr shift at Kellogg's feeling punky - body aches, throat on fire, sinus congestion/pain, chills. He spent most of Sunday in bed (except for dragging his butt to the photo session at Sears, poor man) and woke up this morning feeling a lot better. His side of the bed is SOAKED! He must have sweat it out.

Stef is still very snotty, sneezy, coughing. And I can NOT get that antibotic in her. I've hidden it in OJ, choc milk, pink milk, applesauce, etc. I've tried just squirting it in her mouth and making her swallow it, but it always just comes back out, usually all over me. I think she's gotten a total of maybe 2-1/2 doses out of the 6 I tried giving her. So I called the pedi and they're going to call in Omnicef, which is supposed to taste good.

I still have sinus congestion/pain like crazy and my throat's fire comes and goes. I was actually feeling body-achey this morning, but not so much now. I can't have any more sick days this year anyway, or I'll get a verbal warning!

MIL pissed me off pretty good this morning. I was supposed to be meeting her at the doctor's office for the Stef hand-off because she had a lab appt. I swear she said the appt was at 8:30, so I show up at 8:20. She's not there. She's not answering either phone. The front desk says her appt is not until 8:45. Finally at 8:35 she shows up. Dammit woman! I'm supposed to be at the post office at 8:30! She holds me up and makes me later just about every single day. It's funny that I can be on time on the days Stef goes to my mom's. Grrrr. Okay, vent over.

Still infected.

Stef's left ear is still infected, even though it was her right ear she was complaining about. The pedi said kids sometimes have a hard time locating the exact source of pain. So she's on Cefprozil for 14 days. I gave her the first dose this morning. After she sucked about half of it out of the syringe, she threw the rest into the sink and said "Thatsucky" ROFLMTO!!! I think she meant to say that's yucky. I'm gonna have to hide it in her choc milk or applesauce or something for the next dose or else administer it like I would to the dogs.

I need to walk down the farmer's market today. I'm out of cucumbers and celery. They have the best prices and the freshest produce! (usually anyway)

Final answer

My supervisor was here in the office yesterday (all day long!) He double checked with our official time-off keeper and I do indeed have 4 sick occurances this year. There was a day in July that I didn't write down and she'd completed out my timesheet before I could update it. So, what it boils down to is that it would normally be considered sick time for IVF week. But since I have 4 occurences already, that would be a bad mark on my record to take any more sick time. We also reviewed how much time off I have left and I was surprised to learn that I actually have 5 days, not 3. Apparently I can't multiply 5 x 3 = 15, not 14! So there's a vacation day I wasn't counting. Plus we get a floating holiday this year that I totally forgot about. It's because New Year's Day was on a Sunday and the market was open on the Monday.

Anyway, 5 days left will cover me no problem. In any case, if I need it, the RE will sign me out for the whole 5 days as medical leave (like short term disability) then it won't count as an occurence and it won't suck up my 5 days off either! Is that being greedy to want the medical leave?

Stef news - her snotty nose has now morphed into a snotty nose and barky cough. Jeni's kids just got over a barky cough. Great! She passed it to us over the phone! LOL. I guess I will call the pedi to see if there's anything else I should be doing.

I have to smile everytime I look at my hands today. They are covered with Halloween stickers (THANK YOU AUNT ANGELA!!) that Stef insisted were for Mommy. She's so sweet. I miss her so much.

Another cold

Stef was sneezing an awful lot yesterday. I just kept an eye on her all day, but by evening I was sure she had another cold. She's barely over the first one! She was awake at 2am because she couldn't breathe, poor little thing. I had to wait til 3am to give her the next dose of decongestant. Almost as soon as she swallowed it, she was able to get back to sleep. She is very very clingy today and made me about 30 minutes late for work! I really wanted to stay home with her but still don't know the status of my IVF time off, so just left her with Omi.

Stef doesn't seem bothered by the ear infection at all, but loves the Amoxycillan! Apparently the puss in the ear is a normal ear infection.

I finished Sarah's homecoming dress Friday night and she looked absolutely stunning! We took pix Saturday on her way to the dance too. I called my sister Sunday and asked if Sarah had gotten beaten up for being the prettiest girl there with the best dress. She was actually bummed because no boys asked her to dance, but then decided she had a good time anyway.

I found the source of the bug infestation.....the extra corn for more corn bags! I was cleaning up in the sewing room and saw a bunch of little holes in the bottom of the un-opened bag of corn. There was a lot of corn dust under it too. And the little buggers were just all over that area. I still think its weird though. That corn has been sitting there since before Thanksgiving last year! Oh well, I guess they just decided to hatch last month. Yuck yuck yuck! Since I got rid of the corn, we've still seen some of the bugs but not nearly so many.

One of my co-workers just got a new puppy (another Shiztu, I think) and she brought him in to meet the office today. What a doll of a puppy!! I got to puppy sit him while she used the facilities and he just cuddled and nuzzled and I can still smell his sweet oniony puppy breath! I just love puppies!!! I'm gonna have to go puppy sit during my lunch break too.

First time for everything...

Stef has her very first ear infection. She'd been complaining on and off that her ear hurt since about Friday. She's also still got green snot and said her peepee hurt when I wiped her yesterday am. So that bought her a trip to the pediatrician. The left ear has puss in it. I don't know if that's an ordinary ei or a bad one (somebody help me out there please?). She still doesn't seem bothered by it, maybe just a little punky, but mostly normal. Doc doesn't see any signs of a sinus infection and thinks the cold may just be lingering. Didn't see anything wrong with her peepee. I mentioned that she's also been (TMI alert!) digging her finger in her tooshy hole and saying it itches whenever I change her diaper. He said to check her first thing in the morning, before she gets out of bed, for pin worms. They're very common, but YUCK anyway! I didn't get to her before she climbed out of bed this morning, so there was no checking today.

She's with my mom today. I got a phone call that Stef had just streaked the neighborhood! Omi was right outside the back door and somehow Stef figured out how to open the front door. She was trying to come in thru the front gate when she saw that Omi saw her. So she squealed with delight and ran back to the front door, couldn't figure out how to open it from the outside, and started running up the sidewalk. The front door is now latched where Stef can't reach it. TG Omi lives on a very seldom travelled road. I think I have her sufficiently scared of cars that she wouldn't venture into the street alone anyway. Besides the fear thing, I can't help but giggle at the sight of her little bare bottom running up the sidewalk! She sure is a character!!

Sick or Personal??

The debate has begun. I'm waiting for a final decision from my service manager, who said he was calling HR corporate yesterday (and also said he'd get back to me by cob yesterday - HA!). I called the RE today. They said for the IVF week, I should be off work the whole day of the procedure and at least the next day for bed rest - that's for each procedure (retrieval and then transfer back). So it looks like I will be off work at least 2 days that week (best case scenario), but as many as 4 days (worst case scenario as far - as the firm is concerned anyway).

The doctor said they would definately write a note for me to be off, but the boss is still unsure if they'd give me the sick time. It's a medical procedure dammit!! Let's see somebody put a needle thru their cervix and then into their ovaries and want to come back to work!! Boss asked how many days vacation I have left, just as a backup plan so I wouldn't have to stop plans for the IVF. HA! As if! I told him I'll take em unpaid if need be. I'm too deep into the process now to back off because of time off concerns. Bullshit! My family comes first!

I don't know why I'm even ranting about it. Mother Merrill will probably come back and say that as long as I have a doctor's note, it will be sick time. Time will tell.......

NO SUIT!

LMTO. I caught Stef stripping to her birthday suit on Saturday. I asked what she was doing. She yelled (just like Max on Max&Ruby) NO SUIT! Now, she wasn't wearing a suit, just pj's. It was still hilarious. She cracks me up!!

We built up some good Karma over the weekend. I had listed our old recliner/rockers on Freecycle and a lady called about them. Turns out they just moved into a house from an apartment. She and her boyfriend already had her son living with them, but they also suddenly got custody of his 3 boys too, so they needed bedroom stuff. I offered my grandmother's antique set to them and they were so grateful! They also took our RCA console TV, 2 mismatched dressers and a window air conditioner. The basement looks so empty now. Anyway, it all inspired me to go on a cleaning binge. The basement needs some more work, but it'll wait til after Steve gets the trash and the sleeper sofa out of there. I cleaned a lot upstairs and realized we are infested by some kind of tiny little hardshelled bug. No idea where they are coming from. We'd been seeing a few here and there in the bathroom, but now I am finding them in all the bedrooms too. YUCK!! CREEPY!! I hate bugs. They just have way too many legs.

I KNEW she didn't get it!

MIL has been pushing us to put Stef in daycare one day a week so she can work for her new job. She was going over the schedule with me yesterday and these extra days are only in November. Probably no more after then. I made it very clear that if we start Stef in daycare one day a week, she's going to continue going long term. If her thoughts were of daycare for 4 days in November, I will just get my mom to watch her those days. Holy Hutt Slime! First of all, I wouldn't want to screw with Stef's schedule that much. She is a creature of habit and thrives best when she knows what to expect. Second, there is a $50 registration fee and a $25 deposit on the key cards. Totally not worth it for 4 days! GRR!

If nothing else, I know I need to call that one daycare in Landisville that takes drop ins, in case my mom gets sick on a day when we need her. I am just procrastinating on it but we're looking sick-season square in the face, so I'd better get moving on that project.

Well that was uncomfortable

The trial transfer must be performed with a full bladder. I'm SO proud of myself for having held it so long! TG for Kegel exercises!! This test was just to get a measurement on the uterus so they don't go too deep when transferring oocytes. The bad news is....the real transfer also requires a full bladder. And I will have to lay there for an extended period of time after the transfer rather than the "grab the sheet and run for the potty" method used today. The u/s tech said they can give me a pediatric cath so I can get relief as soon as the transfer is finished. I'll take one of those please!

Now that's a list of meds!!

This is a 3 month supply:

Ganarellex (12 syringes)
Doxycycline (40 pills)
Progesterone in Oil (EEK!) (6 vials)
HCG (3 vials)
Medrol (an anti-inflammatory) (15 tablets)
syringes and needles

copay is $45/rx so that comes to (gulp) $225

It costs $45 each no matter if its a one month, two month, or three month supply. I may as well get 3 months worth now in case I have to do this more than once. If we get no genetically normal oocytes, I'll donate the rest of the meds that I don't use.

SHG = Sono Hysterogram with Green gloves

Dr F is SO freaking funny. He told a visiting doctor (from a foreign country) that the G in SHG stands for Green gloves. She wanted to know where she can find green gloves once she leaves his clinic. LMAO. Anyway, my SHG was normal. They were mostly looking for polyps or fibroids that would interfere with embrionic attachment.

I feel a bit better about facing the Trial Transfer on Wed. I talked to the u/s tech (Lisa) and she said I should do a test today or tomorrow - drinking 48 oz of fluid and then holding it for 45 minutes. If it's unbearable, she suggested just drinking less. Worse case scenario, my bladder won't be full and they'll have to wait for me to fill it. I doubt THAT will be a problem. It feels like it's full ALL the time! LOL.

I can't believe it...

I actually touched a live alligator at the library last night. Stef was begging to touch it as soon as the owner was finished with his presentation. LOL It was about 5 ft long, but they can grow up to 13 ft long. The owner's wife laughed at that one and said Allie will lose her happy home before she hits 12 ft. The guy rescued Allie from certain death. Some boys had her as a pet and took her outside to "play" with her. She took the opportunity to escape. The guy's buddy found it in a field 10 yrs ago in the fall. Alligators can't survive winter this far north. She supposedly won't grow any bigger if he doesn't increase the size of her pen. She was actually very nice to touch. The skin near her armpit was soft like butter. The bumps on her back were like rocks. My mother is so proud of me today. I normally scream and run from most reptiles.

no luck

I've spent the last hour or so searching the web for a picture of chicken pot pie. I guess I'll just have to make a batch and take my own picture (thanks Ang) LOL

I'm the current winning bidder on this http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ih=015&item=250035165791&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMEBI%3APIC&rd=1 Hopefully it will keep Stef from jumping on our new couch so much. Today is her 2nd Gymboree Class. I hope she does as well with MIL as she did with Steve and me.

What a world!!!

I cannot fathom any reason behind this story. Linda - you probably shouldn't read this. It's about a school shooting in Lancaster County.

http://www.wgal.com/news/9981693/detail.html

The tv reporter is saying now that the gunman is no longer a threat to the community. She's heard from a witness that he's been shot & killed but that hasn't been confirmed yet. Ugh! Why why why?

updated link http://www.wgal.com/news/9981693/detail.html

They're NOT dumplings either!

LMAO. They are pot pie squares! Thinner and lighter. I'll have to see if I can dig up a picture somewhere.

The recipe

I might just get run out of PA Dutch country on a rail for sharing this but my yaya's are worth it.

Start by boiling off a chicken - a fryer size is fine, but I usually get a roaster. Cook it to death - like meat falling off the bones. Save the broth. Add the chicken meat back to the broth after it's all picked off. Add 1 box of powdered chicken broth - I use Washington's Golden. Simmer while you make the dough.

Mix 6 C flour, 1 stick butter or margarine, 5 eggs beaten with a little water added. Add more flour or water as needed to get a good rolling consistency. Grab out a softball-sized hunk of dough at a time and roll out to about 1/4" thickness. Cut into "squares". Poke each square with the knife so the middle cooks well. Put all squares in the chicken/broth and simmer 20-30 minutes or until thickest squares are cooked through.

Sorry - I guess it's not really a recipe. But that's the only way I know how to make it. Easier done than said.

Chicken Pot Pie has nothing to do with a crust!!

Oh Meredith, I thought I'd had you all straightened out on what Pot Pie really is. The PA Dutch version is NOT a pie. I don't know why they call it that, but it's more of a chicken and dumplings stew-ish thing. Once it's colder out, I'll have to make you a batch and mail it to you frozen so you can see what you're missing. My MIL's pot pie isn't so good. I don't know why on earth she thinks the dough has to have baking powder in it. True to form, Stef refused to eat it. But the last 2 times we made it, she just gobbled it right up. LOL - I won't tell MIL that though.

Speaking of MIL, she's driving me straight up the freaking wall again. She took a new job at Luthercare. It's more hours but less days - every other Sat & Sun I think rather than a few hrs every Fri, Sat, and Sunday. But she loves the residents at her old job at Lancashire and just can't bring herself to say NO when they call and ask her to fill in. Lancashire is a pit of a nursing home and has trouble paying it's bills. That's one reason why she left! Yet she complains that Luthercare is further away (an extra 4.5 miles). And Luthercare's residents are financially well off, much more so than Lancashire's, so she doesn't get to make friends with Luthercare's residents. She's thinking of going back to Lancashire. Then she's definately staying at Luthercare. Then she'll just help out at Lancashire here & there until the end of the year. Talk about a human flipflop (LOL Elisa). So now she's asking me if I can find babysitting coverage for her on all sorts of dates. My mom would be happy to do it, but we're getting into sick season again and she can't predict when she'll be sick. Time to call that one daycare back again that takes drop-ins. UGH! Just make a decision and stick with it woman!

And I swear if she brings up one more time about the amount of "junk food" Stef eats, I'm gonna flip out all over her face!

Ok - I feel better now.

Gravy!

It's a gravy day for meals in my world today. My co-worker Deb is buying me lunch as a thank you for something I did for her last week. And tonight is Chicken Pot Pie (PA Dutch style!) at MIL's. It's not great pot pie, but it's good enough. It's kind of funny. Stef won't eat MIL's pot pie but she will gobble ours right up.

Stef has been expressing her anger lately by throwing whatever she gets her hands on or knocking everything off a table with a swipe of her arm. She's learning that this earns an automatic time out. I'm trying to teach her to hit a pillow when she's angry instead of throwing, but haven't had much luck so far. Consistency is the key! MIL is taking her to story time at Barnes & Noble this morning. Gymboree play class starts this weekend. I can hardly wait to see her enjoying that!

I think he finally gets it

Steve that is. We had our appointment at the RE to sign consent forms this morning. I had Dr F explain to Steve just how unlikely it is that we'll ever conceive again, even via IVF. I thought I saw the lightbulb go on when Dr F said that even using IVF, we have a less than 5% chance of getting pg. The main point of this exercise is closure for me. If we get pg, FANTASTIC! But I'm a realist. I'm very mathematically inclined. I know what the odds mean.

I'm also a hopeful little soul and know that less than 5% still means that 3 or 4 people out of every 100 will still get pg! I know that I tend to be abby-normal so I could very well be Dr F's first over 40 patient to get pg with IVF. I'm not opposed to being the first in this case!

A new obsession

Stef's new love is Max & Ruby, a Nick Jr show that airs on Noggin. We have a few DVR'd. She used to get up and dance when the end song came on. Now she cries and whines "More Max. More Max please" It's a sweet show and Steve & I both like it too. The expressions Max gets sometimes are freaking hilarious. I can't help but wonder though, where are the parents?? I've seen a picture of them on a wall, but they're never in the show. The grandma and other adults are around but never the parents. Hmmmm.

I hate myself today.

Forgive me my time on the pity pot but I really feel like I SUCK today. I'm in charge of the bills. I'm happy to do it. I love working with numbers. I love working on the budget. For some undefineable reason, since Stef was born, I've been bad about getting the bills paid on time. I thought it would all be better when our bank offered web bill pay for free with our account, but that just seems to be making it worse for me.

I thought I was being proactive yesterday and set up all of this weeks bills to be paid today instead of just entering them today. Only thing is, I forgot to change the issue date. We didn't get paid until today. Well, there was some money in there, but not enough to pay everything before payday! They paid everything but also charged us 5 overdraft fees @ $35 a pop. I called and pled my case but they said since this wasn't the first time the acct was ever overdrafted they couldn't do anything to reverse the fees. I started bawling and told her now I won't be able to get gas & groceries, couldn't she please talk to a supervisor. I said it's obvious what I did, it was an honest mistake! I've been a customer for 11 years! Couldn't they cut me some slack?? She went & talked to someone but could only offer to reverse one of the $35 fees at the Call Center but I could call the branch & see if they'd be willing to do anything for me. I will do that once I get my full composure back.

I guess I'm hyper sensitive about it right now because 1) I'm worried about the security of my job and 2) Steve's been upset about the budget the past few days anyway. He won't come out & say anything mean to me, but I know he feels like it's my fault. It is my fault but he shares the blame too. I told him a LONG time ago that we needed to quit spending money like water. Then we I had to get the home equity loan, I told him again, that the loan basically just saved our asses. He thought we were comfortable after getting the loan. NOW he's hearing me that we have to be very careful with what we spend.

I know part of the problem is my inability to say no to him or to myself for things for Stef. I can say no to myself pretty easily.

Added on top of all this, we're thinking ahead to all the costs involved with the IVF procedure, then all the costs involved with a 2nd child, if it works. Why in the hell am I doing this? I'm a logical reasonable person. The baby fever has masked even that part of myself. So then starting down this path leads me into the dark place I hold about being infertile in the first place. Then I start doing all the coulda, woulda, shoulda's that get me nowhere.

I'm on the verge of cleaning out my pitiful 401k account to fix this whole mess. Meanwhile Steve is praying for Kellogg's.

I need to get to work so I can think about something else for awhile. I'm making myself nutsy.

MTFBWY!!

YAY!!!!! The original Star Wars trilogy was released on DVD yesterday. Okay, they've been released on DVD at least once before, but this is a special edition. They include the original theatrical versions! The have all the pre-enhanced scenes with what we would consider cheesy & obvious special effects by today's standards. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the enhanced versions, but it's nice to see the original versions too - just the way I saw them in the theaters the first time around. Now I just need to block out approximately 6 hours of time to sit & watch them! Haha

I'm trying, really I am

to not let MIL get on my last nerve too badly. Steve is ready to fire her & take money out of his IRA to finance Stef going to daycare. I've convinced him for now to leave it alone. I'll still do the research. I know it would break her heart if we did that. I think we should give diplomacy a try first. It's a precarious situation. We're afraid to say too much for fear of hurting her feelings, but she's just not listening to us anymore.

Case in point
1) she gave Stef a handful of M&M's even though she hadn't gone potty. Then Stef asked for more, so, of course, she gave her more. Umm Hello! It won't work for potty prizes if she gets them whenever she asks for them!

2) For about the 6th time (no exaggeration), she told me yesterday that since Stef had eaten such a good lunch, she gave her a cookie. She's been trying hard to limit that kind of snacks because she thinks Stef gets too much junk. Steve said he's heard the exact same line at least 3 or 4 times from her too. Okay! Who started the whole cookie thing?!? Not us!! Why do you have to tell us 6 times each. It's starting to feel like an insuation that WE give her too much junk food.

3) Calling daycares behind our backs = not appreciated!

4) In discussions about Stef needing to play with other kids, saying that she WON'T give Stef up more than 2 days a week just feels a bit, shall we say, demanding & controlling.

I know there's more, but that's just the main things we're bugged about right now. Steve even actually suspects that when MIL says she can't get Stef to nap it's that she's not really trying very hard. I disagree with that because sometimes I can't get her to nap and neither can my mom. That would just be stupid and counterproductive on MIL's part to do that because she'd also be doing it to herself as well as to Stef. Sorry Steve. I know you're right on most things, but I just can't buy that theory.

I personally don't want to fire her. It would break her heart. But I do want to sit down & have a talk so she knows how we're feeling and what our expectations are. I know my sister had to sit down with my mom about Sarah every 9 months or so to straighten things out. That's the downside of having family as babysitters.

The OTHER Gymboree

Sorry for the confusion. I didn't know Gymboree was a clothing line until I came to BBC. LOL

http://www.gymboreeclasses.com/b2c/customer/home.jsp

That terrible day.

I can't help but think about it. What I was doing, where I was when I heard the news five years ago.

Steve was on a temporary layoff from Tyco, so he was home. I had just gotten another allergy shot & got to the office around 9:15am. There was a note on my desk "Call Steve. A plane hit the twin towers" I still don't know who left me the note. My first thought was "what a stupid accident". One of the girls walked past the window & I asked if she knew about the plane. She said "yes, but now it's 2" I logged into the computer & called Steve. We had MSNBC live feed in a small corner of our computer screens at the time. I wasn't in the habit of watching it, so it took a few minutes to come up. I remember 2 clients came to the window, and I was the one to give them the news. I talked to Steve for a little while, for comfort mostly. I hung up and tried to start sorting the mail. Just as the first tower started to collapse, we lost the MSNBC feed. Nobody was up here but me, but I started saying "OMG, what was that? what was that?" I had to call Steve again.

An email came out to close the whole complex. So I put things away, made a sign for the doors, locked up the mail, locked up the office, and started driving home. I was still shaking. Along Rte 30, my 95 Saturn started acting funny. I knew this feeling because it had done it before. Another alternator just went out. I pulled off into the Giant parking lot, called Steve, called AAA, and sat & listened to the news reports on the radio. We dropped off the car at the dealer, but they were closing anyway, like most businesses. We went home & started watching the news again.

Our friend Ed stopped by unannounced (as usual). He said he couldn't watch the news any more so we watched a DVD - I think it was What Women Want. After he finally left, we went back to staring at the news. I was afraid to not watch for several weeks after.

New Gymboree soon

In my search for something for Stef to do with other kids, I found out that we're getting a brand new Gymboree at the end of this month. They will have open house the 28th, 29th, & 30th - with all classes being free. I talked to the contact person and am pretty excited about it for Stef. I think it's just what she needs. The price is a little ouchy though - $52/month for one class a week ($13/class). At least the registration fee is waived if you sign up before Sept 19. I'm still trying to find out more about 2 other places and a MOPS group.

I may have to break down & take a muscle relaxant tonight. The spasm in my trapezious (?) just won't let go. It made it really hard to sleep last night. I just hate how I feel the next day - hate that drug hangover. I'd make a terrible junkie. LOL

Me & my big mouth

At my semi-annual VA appointment last week, I told the doc that my family doctor had increased my dosage of Prozac. I only told him because I can get the Rx from the VA cheaper than thru my own insurance. Doc dutifully changed my Rx and I received the pills in the mail yesterday. I had a message on the answering machine Friday from the VA wanting me to call them in follow up to my recent appointment. So I finally called today. All this because my Prozac was increased! They want me to do a 15 minute phone questionaire to track my progress with the Happy Pills, see how I do on the increase, and make sure I'm okay. OI!

So the 'me & my big mouth' part is because I answered all the questions honestly. Honest to a fault - that's what Steve says about me. I admitted that I'd had suicidal thoughts within the past year, but I really feel that they were chemically induced from infertility treatments. Among a host of other admissions, this one raises a flag. Now I have to talk to a VA counselor on the phone! Shit shit shit. I really don't feel like getting into the whole infertility issue with some stranger from the VA! Maybe I'll just say that when he/she calls.

MIL pissed me off right & good this morning. She's still going on about Stef being bored and needing some playmates her own age. I agree to an extent. So MIL says she's been calling around to daycares for prices, etc. She's thinking a few hours a day for 2 days a week. Well SURPRISE! Daycares don't usually offer such limited hours. The one church daycare she checked with offers part time care - 3 full days/wk - $80/day! I agree that Stef should be able to play with other kids, but what's wrong with taking her to the playground? Why does it have to be a daycare? Not that I have anything against daycares or anything. It's just the way she presents these things to me and once she gets on something, she's like a pitbull and won't let it go. It really bugs me that she's already been making phone calls. I'm thinking there's got to be some mommy & me playgroups around here somewhere! Time for me to do some research.

So sad

I'm very sad about the death of Steve Irwin aka The Croc Hunter. I really admired his commitment to his ideals, his enthusiasm in learning & educating, and his awesome spirit. I'm less than thrilled with Matt Lauer's insinuations in his interview with Jeff Corwin & Steve's friend. Matt has made it pretty clear that he can't stand Steve ever since the incident with Steve feeding a croc while holding his infant son.

I'm just glad he died doing what he loved. God bless your soul Steve.

GTG

That's military lingo for good to go! My 2nd FSH was 5.5, so we're clear to proceed. Steve's appt is this Wednesday. Our Consent Forms appt, where they explain everything in fine detail is Sept 26 10am. Then I will go back on the injections and the transfer should take place in November.

I should know by now...

to not believe things Nurse Sue tells me. She told me on Tuesday that they'd call me later that day or Wednesday with my 2nd test results. Since I hadn't heard, I called the York office yesterday. Anita checked with Melanie. Apparently the lab only runs those tests on Fridays. I had some misinformation from Sue last time I started down this path. She reminds me of my dad's woman. Why pretend when you know you don't know?

This evening is my (former) office manager's thank you party. I can't go. Steve is on call & MIL wants to leave as soon as I get there so she can deliver the high chair she just sold. Just as well. I don't feel like sitting around in a smoky bar anyway. That reminds me, I'm supposed to give $5 towards his gift. Better start digging thru the change in the bottom of my purse. Payday isn't until tomorrow and I'm still a paycheck to paycheck budgeter.

MIL stopped up last night to get the high chair back from us (we tried to sell it for her in the yard sale). I thought she was gonna pass out when Stef went down the 2 steps from our porch to the driveway. Then she was all beside herself because Stef was *gasp* running! Sigh. I love my MIL. I love my MIL. I love my MIL. I'm not the type of mother who puts her kid in a plastic bubble but MIL certainly is.

Cheatin hearts

I remembered to weigh in this morning. I'm back up 1 lb (net -4 lbs). I know I cheated too much last week. Between my second trip to Harvey's, weekend waffles (I save my points all week so I can have them Saturday, but ate them Sunday too), a full sugar Barq's, and the occaisonal popping of Dibs, I'm just happy to not be back to square one! Today is a new day. Back on track and being a good girl now!

My first blood test results are good:
Estradiol 37 (should be <50)
FSH 6.5 (should be <10)

They will call me later today or tomorrow with today's test results.

Koren's phone call

It's a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dreading tomorrow

Our community yard sale is tomorrow. I am about 70% ready for it. I dread it though because Steve is on call and has to open up the pool in the morning....leaving me to deal with the whole thing by myself. He should still be able to help set up in the morning because he won't have to leave until around 9:30am.

It wouldn't be so bad, but I really think I'm going to need help with Stefanie. If left to her own devices, she'll be pulling all the clothes and things out of the boxes and off the tables and hording them in the corner. I can hear it now "Steffy's shirt. Steffy's toy. Steffy's pants. MINE!" Ugh! I'd better call Sarah and see if she'd be willing to come up and help.

Then right after the yard sale is Steve's mandatory-voluntary pool party at work. Nice how they made up a new word, huh? The whole thing about the new guy not having to work on the pool at all is just plain WRONG! I don't get it why they would ask him if he wants to work on the pool? Of course he said No. They act like he's the company owner's favorite nephew or something. They act afraid of him. I hope they soon see that favortism like that just breeds resentment in the rest of the staff.

Fluke?

I hope not. I weighed in Monday morning and was down 1 lb. I ate Harvey's Cajun Sausage & funnel cake at the fair Monday night. On a whim, I weighed in again Wednesday (mostly to see how much damage Harvey had caused) and I was down 4 more lbs!!! I also just finished AF for the month, so that probably has more to do with it than anything. Either way, I'll take it! Five down, 45 more to go.

How well do you know me?

Here's a fun quiz game. Take my quiz, then make your own & post the link in your blog

http://www02.quizyourfriends.com/quizpage.php?quizname=060821133416-446906

Doc update

I just got back.

We have to do another Clomid challenge and Semenalysis since it's been over 6 months since the last one (which blows this cycle).

Luckily today was CD3 so they took my blood today, the I go on Clomid Wed-Sun (100mg) then another blood test next Tuesday CD10. If my egg reserve falls within the acceptable parameters, we'll sign consent forms and prepare for the next cycle.

Steve appt to deposit his sample isn't until Sept 6th.

Speaking of my wonderful sweet man, there is some kind of confusion about the Kellogg's testing. The lady at the testing service told him this morning that today's test is only for ppl who haven't taken the test yet but he should be able to take it at the next testing which should be really soon. What they don't know is that Steve knows 2 other casuals who also got letters to test today and who have also not had their reviews yet. So if these other casuals are allowed to test today, he's going to lodge a greivance with the union. blah blah blah

Tickets please....

I'm getting back on the roller coaster. Steve & I have decided to do at least one round of IVF. I have a restart appointment tomorrow morning at 10am with the RE. I should know more after that tomorrow. Wish me luck and may the Force be with us.

Steffyisms

I need to start writing down some of the super cute things Stef says lately.

She's started saying Amen after her prayer doll says it.
Mr Rogers is pronounced Merochers.
Grammy is Gammy
Kenobi (a friend's cat) is K'oobi
I love you is ALoffoo (although I've only heard it 3 or 4 times, it melts my heart)
Precious is Sheshy
I've had to teach her that cars will bite her to keep her from running into the street at my mom's house. So now she says Car Bite.

That's all I can think of right now.

What a good girl!

Stef ran up and jumped on my back while I was sitting on the floor with her last night. It feels like she fixed that joint problem. I was able to move much better the rest of the evening and then the muscle relaxant pill did the rest. Oh boy did I pass out from that pill!! I could barely get up this morning. But my back feels much better today; just stiff.

Potty Training Hiatus

They say that when the babies are learing something new that they can regress on something else they already had mastered or were working on.

Stef's vocabulary has just exploded recently. Some of her motor skills are getting so much better (things like running, climbing, and threading beads on a string). I'm thinking potty training has taken a back seat for her. Everytime I ask her if she has to go, she says No. If I ask her to try anyway, maybe get a prize, she gets really whiney and insistent with her No. I don't want to stress her out about it, so we're taking a break.

My left lower trapezious (sp?) is in a huge spasm. The joint in there (rib to spine maybe??) keeps popping out. So far, not too badly, but enough to get the muscle in a protective uproar. If it goes out really badly, it feels like I can't breath. It's a good thing I'm going to the VA doctor later this month, if for nothing else than to get it documented.

Inspired

I love it when a project idea just jumps up and hits me right in the nose! Three of my yaya's are meeting up with Stef and me in October. We were discussing putting the babies in costumes and what theme we should go with. In looking thru pattern websites, the girls in poodle skirts just jumped off the page at me. My nephew can be The Fonz and the 3 girls can be 50's girls. I bought the fabric for all 3 skirts, poodles, and scarf/hair ties last night. I'm so excited about this. They are all going to be adorable!!!

Got most of the list done

Ok, well, part of it anyway. I went to yardsales but only spent $1. We got such a late start because Stef decided to sleep in. I guess all the good stuff sold early. I made one sundress and it's cute cute cute. The pix are still in my camera, but someday I'll upload them to share. I got the grocery shopping done and the kitchen redded up. No computer work got done and no floors were vaccuumed or swiffered. Was that the whole list? Hmm I did better than I'd thought.

Sunday at Shawn's (Stef's godfather) birthday was a really nice time. We were late but didn't miss the birthday boy's arrival. He was truly surprised and touched. He was even more touched when I explained my mom's gift to him. She gave him my grandfather's cello and trumpet. Both needed to be cleaned up and the cello needed a bit of work, but mom & my aunt both felt the instruments needed to be with someone who would appreciate them and use them, rather than just cherish and store them. Shawn is the same type of person as my grandfather was; passionately into all sorts of music. My grandfather was in a swing band in the 40's, but also founded and conducted the Columbia Symphony Orchestra. He was choir director of his church for many many year and also loved jazz and big band music. Shawn is in a Christian band that covers all sorts of styles from rock to country to raggae. He has his own music studio at his house and has mentored several young people in musical endeavors. He is a sweetheart of a man and I'm glad he is Stef's godfather.

Funny coincidence....my mom found a picture in the Sunday News of a band that had most of the names listed. My great-grandfather is in this picture! Joe Sipel is sitting there with his trumpet on his knee and judging by the apparent age, I'm guessing the picture is from around 1912. What a musical family I come from! Too bad it skipped me. I love music but can't play or sing worth a crap.

I realized last night that I forgot to take my happy pills Saturday and Sunday nights. The only reason I realized this is because I had a major emotional meltdown. I went thru the usual self-deprecating tapes....I'm fat and infertile, the budget is a mess because of me, I don't express my devotion to Steve well enough, and my MIL is basically raising our daughter because we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. It turned into the ugly cry that Oprah talks about. Speaking of Oprah, I need to actually fill in the blanks and work on the plan for the Oprah Debt Diet. My aunt and her roommate are sponsoring me on WW now too. Her roommate is apparently the Food Nazi! Exactly what I need. Plus one of my co-workers still has her WW books and says she'll do it with me. It's easier when you can do it with someone.

See? I have all the tools I need, but I just have a hard time bringing myself to actually use them.

Ahhhhh

The a/c unit on the roof for my area had a burn out. The wonderful dude from Neffsville Plumbing fixed it and it's nice in here again!!

Steve is working a 16 hr shift at Kelloggs tomorrow so I might go yardsaling with my mom. I always make GRAND PLANS for when I have a day like that. I hope I can get at least half done. I plan to get the grocery shopping done, update our budget program, cancel our wmconnect account, cancel our peoplepc account, make a sundress or 2 for Stef, maybe go swimming, and redd up (clean) the house.

Then Sunday is Stef's godfather's 40th surprise birthday party. That should be fun! They have a beautiful home and I always love spending time with them.

MIL is on vacation next week. We will be dog sitting her boxer, Daisy until next Sunday (I think) and it's challenging but not a huge deal to me. Ellie and Daisy don't get along so we just have to keep them separated. Daisy wants a shot at the title and Ellie wouldn't mind taking her on. My money would be on Ellie for sure even though she's 10 yrs old. But we don't want to see that happen.

Steve gets to be home with Stef Mon-Wed next week. Then my mom will likely have her Thur & Fri. I'll call Sarah in for reinforcements if mom isn't up to 2 days in a row.

Still no A/C!!

I brought Steve's little electronic temperature checker thingy. It was 87 in here this morning! So I complained to the new office manager. He's apparently not a handy guy like the old one was. I'm pretty sure the problem is with the wrong vents being opened or closed. I know Kevin adjusted them for me before, but he's on vacation this week and Dave doesn't want to climb up there and have a look. And of course the plumbing/heating dude is swamped today so he won't even be here to look at it until tomorrow! Luckily my little heater has a fan only setting.

If I can survive 3 yrs in Panama, where the weather is pretty much like this day in and day out, I can survive this. I'm just not acclomated to it anymore.

FIL is home from the hospital now. I don't know any other details yet since Steve is the one that talked to him.

So far so good

FIL made it through the surgery last night. They didn't even cut him open; just went up the uretha (YIKES!) and removed the tumor that way. There should be no more pee'ing blood since it was all coming from the tumor. They've sent it off for biopsy and will let him know when they find the results.

Apparently, one of my co-workers' father started his decline with bladder cancer. She says that if you have to have cancer, that's the best one to have. The walls of the bladder are so thick that the cancer does not usually spread easily to other organs. Unfortunately for her father, they did not follow up with chemo, as per standard procedures, and his cancer spread and killed him.

The A/C in my office is screwy on the best of days. With this nasty heat wave, it's been quite warm in the mornings and then freezing cold in the afternoons, to the point of having to turn it off for about an hour to warm up. Well today, it's a freaking oven in here. The thermostat says 78 degrees, but that's on the other side of the glass window, out in the lobby. I'd say it's at least 85 in my office. They said they were going to ck it out, but so far it doesn't feel any better in here. I don't mind the heat as much as most people (mom says I have piss for blood) but this is ridiculous.

Bad news and Good news

First the bad news: If you are so inclined, please say a prayer for Steve's dad. He has a tumor in his bladder. When he had it checked out last month, they said they're pretty sure it's malignant. He was scheduled to go back this Thursday, then go for surgery on the 10th. He didn't make it that long. His girlfriend called last night to let us know he's in the hospital. He was pee'ing blood and they've scheduled him for immediate surgery. She's supposed to call one of us today to let us know how he's doing.

Now the good news: Steve got his Kellogg's testing date!!!! It's August 22. This weekend is supposed to be a mandatory work weekend and the lady in charge of hiring full-timers said they will be watching him work in leiu of him having a formal review (which is required before taking the test). His supervisor has told him before that they like Steve's work, so that part should be cake. He just needs to work like he always works. The test will be the rough part. It's an aptitude test and Steve just isn't a great test taker. He knows what he's doing, but doesn't do well on written tests. We've agreed that if he gets hired fulltime that I'll keep working for at least 6 months, maybe a year, so that we can get financially comfortable before I become a SAHM. WooHoo! I can hardly wait!