Well, Stef made it til 11:00. Daycare called and said her fever was coming back (only 100 at the time) and she was just crying. She was fine all morning, including when they whacked a pinata, but all the sudden, she burst into tears. So I called MIL to go get her, as was the plan. No answer. No answer at home. No answer on the cell. No answer, no answer, no answer. For 20 minutes I tried, but then gave up and decided to go get her myself. I checked with my mom to make sure she felt up to watching Stef for the afternoon. She has the cold too, but said okay.

Well, 3/4 of the way to daycare, MIL calls - she was out cutting the grass. Murphy's Law strikes again.

I told my mom to rest up today because she has Stef all day tomorrow and took Stef to MIL's. Poor baby actually asked to go take a nap.

Definately a cold

Blah! All 3 of us have a cold now. Steve isn't being too big of a baby about it. Stef came home from MIL's with 102 temp and went to bed early with no fuss. That allowed Steve and I to go to bed early too. She didn't wake once, but neither of us got good sleep - kept waking up every hour or so. Stef's temp was only 99 today and she was happy enough, so I sent her to daycare. She had a small meltdown once we got there - something about wanting to use the big potty at school. Neither I or Miss Beth knew what in the world she was talking about. I asked her to take me to this big potty so we wandered the hallway for a minute, then I convinced her to use the regular 3-yr-old's potty. Whatever. I told them that if she gets too whiney or gets a high fever again, to call me and I'll have Grammie go pick her up. I think MIL was a bit disappointed that I left it that way instead of just sending her straight to her house, but oh well.

Preshy is still seeming a bit depressed. We expected as much. It cheers her up that we can go for walks again, although nobody felt up to taking her for one last night. She's a reasonably good girl...if you can ignore that slow leak that seems to whine out of her almost all the time. She's funny; very vocal. I thought I'd gotten a little video of her "talking" to me, but I must not have pressed the button on the camera. Duh. I'll try again soon.

Cold or Allergies?

Steve and I have both been sneezing like crazy and have really sore throats. Von said she was sneezing all day yesterday too. I'm hoping it's just allergies. I don't feel like being sick on top of everything else.

Stef keeps asking to go to Logan's house. Then she'll point out some random house along the road and say "There's Logan's house" or "There's Mary's house". There is another name she comes up with every once in awhile too, but I can't think of it right now. She had a bit of a rough night last night. She was up twice to get me to just go lay down with her, then at 3am-ish, she got me up so she could go potty. She peepee'd, then left a great big stinker. Now she was complaining about her belly hurting. I told her to try to go poopy and it would feel better, but she just couldn't. I laid in her bed the rest of the morning. When I got her up, she said again about her belly hurting, and this time she was able to go....alot! I don't know if she ate something yesterday that disagreed with her. At home, she only had 2 strawberries, a pretzel, mac & cheese, and a little keilbasa. I'll have to check with the daycare.

MIL left a message on our machine yesterday saying that Steve's cousin, who just gave birth about 2 months ago, will be in town this weekend, and it would be really nice if we could make the time to go visit her and the baby. Once again, she speaks without thinking. Ummm, a newborn is one of the last things I want to see right now. Steve explained it to her, but I don't know what her reaction was. Don't really care either.

One of Stef's favorite movies right now is Dumbo. The one line keeps playing in my head over and over. Timothy Mouse was talking to Dumbo. "Your ma's not crazy. She's just broken-hearted" I feel a little of both this week.

An ok weekend

Stef's swim school started up again Saturday. MIL sounded hurt that I would schedule the class for a Saturday (so I could participate and Steve could watch and maybe participate sometime) rather than on a Wednesday. How dare I plan that with the YWCA! Anyway, she was a little afraid at first, but then really got into it. Miss Anna is really nice, but honestly, she's just not as charismatic or interactive as Miss Chris was.

There was another kid in class that screamed and cried almost the whole time "I want out! I don't like the water" As soon as class was over, Stef started screaming and crying "I want back in!! I want in the water!" Funny kids!

After swim school, we stopped at Home Depot and then went home. Grabbed lunch (Steve suggested Taco Bell - I think because he knows how much I love it and how low I'm feeling), took Presh and Stef for a walk, and headed to FIL's for the Apple Dumpling Festival. He bought Stef an all-you-can-ride wristband. Little did we know that those expired at 5pm, but Stef definately got her worth out of it. She rode an airplane ride and then the little choochoo train ride. As we stood there watching her on the train, I looked around and found myself surrounded by preggo's. Steve saw it too and held me close. God bless his heart. He's trying so hard for me.

Next ride was the Dumbo type ride. Well, that scared the crap out of her. She didn't want any more rides after that...until I showed her the big sliding board. I went with her on that one and she kept asking to go again. When I'd had enough, Steve went down with her. FIL would have liked to, but can't with his vertigo. I talked her into riding the merry go round once, as long as I was standing next to her. We walked around and played a couple of games. Stef even won a prize (mardi gras beads) for throwing softballs semi-near a pile of blocks. We didn't even pay for that game. I just asked if she could throw for no prize. The dude let her have the beads anyway (it was the last day of the festival). I had to have an apple dumpling with ice cream. It was delish.

Sunday morning I got to sit and read the newspaper in relative quiet. Then MIL called and wanted us to come see her new house. It was open until 4 for open house. Steve measured for miniblinds and curtains and some spaces to see if certain furniture items would fit. I really like it. It's cute, has a nice layout, and is new construction. She even has a 2 car garage, not attached to the house, but about 5 steps from the back door. And LHOP is helping with the closing costs and a downpayment! Then she informs us, that even with the LHOP help, her monthly expenses will be about $100-$150 higher than at the trailer, but "at least I'll be building equity" AGH! I don't think I even want to go there.

MIL took us out for lunch as a thank you for Steve's work-yet-to-be-done - hanging the blinds, etc. It was delish but I ate way too much. That tends to happen to me whenever I eat out Italian. Then we went for groceries and I was freaking surrounded again. I just hurried to finish and went home to hide on the couch for awhile. I even took a nap while Steve and Stef watched Bandi II (Bambi). I went out back so Stef could play on the playground for awhile. I got a little (VERY little) gardening done. If we all get home at a decent hour tonight, I should be able to go out and do a bit more. The vegetable garden in full of weeds again. And I'm still working on spring cleanup stuff.

Well that blows all my theories right out of the water.

The test is negative. I don't feel like talking about it yet. Thanks f0r all the prayers and support.

Noon

That's what they told me. I should hear from them by noon with my results. Tick tock tick tock

It's been an honor

It has truly been an honor to be Ellie's mommy for 4-1/2 yrs. She was a phenomenally good dog. We will miss her quirky way of HAVING to have something (a shoe, a toy, a piece of paper, a TV remote, whatever she could quickly find) in her mouth when she got excited. Also, we'll miss how she always sucked on her blanket, sort of like she was nursing. Her bark was distinctively different than Preshy's. It felt very weird to be in the house without her last night.

Steve was already crying at home when we were getting her ready to go. I'd cried pretty much all day and was cried out just then. Presh was a bit freaked out that we put her back in the crate but took Ellie out to the Vue. I rode in the very back cargo section with Ellie, partly to keep her stable and safe, partly because I wanted to be very close to her for the ride. Margot had a blanket already set up in the grass waiting for us. Steve picked Ellie up to get her out of the Vue. Margot explained exactly what was going to happen, what might happen and why. We got Ellie on the blanket and put her own holey blanket with her too, along with one of her favorite squeak toys. Margot drew some blood, then we layed Ellie down. In a few minutes, she gave her the injection. Ellie was still, but kept looking around for a few seconds. I was holding her head and talking to her. Steve was petting her neck and ears. She actually closed her eyes, which is apparently not the norm. I told her to be sure and send me a sign that she's okay once she gets there. And that my friend Jill was sending her dog Max (who passed last year) to meet her and show her the ropes. I know my mom's dogs Gretchen and Charlotte would meet her there too.

It didn't take long. She stopped breathing, then her heart stopped beating. Margot stayed with us for awhile, then let us have our privacy to say our goodbyes. Poor Margot had a doctor appt that we made her late for. She said she didn't mind, she had her priorities straight. (God bless that woman!!) We stayed with Ellie alot longer than she actually stayed with us. Neither of us wanted to leave her, but the storm clouds were building. We told the vet tech that we were finished, so she could take care of her body.

I had to drive because Steve was too much a mess to even see straight. We talked and cried all the way to his mom's to pick up Stef. Amazingly, we both pulled ourselves together just in time to be strong for Stef. We went home and ate a pizza. Stef never even asked where was Ellie. I guess she'd gotten used to Ellie laying quietly upstairs in our bedroom most of the time. At bedtime, Steve sat with us as I read the Rainbow Bridge to Stef. At first, she didn't understand, but then accepted it. This morning, when we were giving Presh her goodbye treat, was the next time she asked about Ellie. I asked if she remembered what we'd talked about. She said, in all her 3 yr old innocence, "Oh, that's right. She go to Jesus. And go play on the rainbow bridge!!" I think it helped her (and me) to know that we'll see sweet Ellie again one day, but that she'll play and run and be happy until that day.

Until then, we'll miss her terribly and do our best to honor her memory.

It's time

Ellie's appointment is tonight at 6:oo. Margot refuses to go to homes to do this kind of thing. She hasn't for 15 years because they've all been disasters. She won't even do it for her own mother or sister. She needs a vet tech or 2 to help get the IV catheter in and older dogs tend to have hard-to-hit blood vessels. The few times she did it turned into very traumatic events with 10-20 attempts to stick the vein. It should be a peaceful time for all involved.

So it was a choice between calling a vet van and having a stranger do it at home or having someone who loves Ellie do it away from home. Margot said we can do it in their pretty little garden or down by the stream outside the vet office, so Ellie doesn't get all freaked out going in the office.

Stef will go back to MIL's right after her dentist appointment. Steve and I will go home and get Ellie. I will sit in the back of the Vue and hold her so she doesn't hurt herself. Then we'll pick Stef up after it's done. I'll read this to her tonight:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

It's probably crazy, I know, but the thought that stuck with me as I lay on the floor with her last night, was that I'm trading a life for a life. I always knew Ellie would gladly give her life for our family. I just never imagined it would be like this...her crossing the bridge so that a baby boy can come to us. What a good dog she is!

Totally weird Saturday

Saturday was just a weird stressful day. It started with Ellie having a really really rough night again. Then Stef woke up at 7:30am when I was hoping for at least 8 or 8:30. Well, as long as I'm up, we may as well go to the cool sounding yardsales Omi found in the paper.

When we picked her up, we went around the block like usual, to get back to the main road. Some crazy Mustang came screaming up the street, turned onto the street where I was waiting at the stop sign, and very nearly side swiped my car! My mom let loose with a few choice phrases, for which I scolded her and better NOT hear coming out of Stef's mouth.

Next, Stef decides to dart out of the driveway of the last sale we were at, right into the road. TG, no cars were coming, but we had the big "don't you EVER do that again" talk again.

After yardsaling was over, we went home and ate lunch (Stef was hungry and I was shaking). Now, all during this time, Steve had been at Kellogg's to get fitted for a new uniform company. What I didn't know is that he went to the mall after the fitting and hadn't eaten. He was just coming home when I was leaving to take Omi home. When I told him that we'd already eaten, he got sort of pissy with me. I said "I didn't know when you'd be home and I was shaking! Go make yourself something! There are leftovers in there." I know he got very little sleep too, but come on! I got up at LEAST an hour before he did. Grumpy grumpy grump. That's really pretty unusual for Steve.

I dropped Omi off with no further incident. We all piled on the couch for some quiet time and got a little rest. All the tension seemed to be gone now. So we decided it was time to go get the groceries. It was incident free until I got Stef out of the TreeHouse play area. Steve had gone to get the car and load the groceries up. Stef came out the treehouse door and promptly slipped away from me in a big crowd. I could still see her but couldn't get thru to grab her hand. Next thing I know, she's looking at me with that twinkle in her eye and that devilish grin on her face. I yelled "Don't you dare!" and then she darted...into the busy parking lot...the same freaking parking lot where she darted last time and I tore my calf muscle chasing her down. I didn't tear anything this time and caught her really quickly. I reached out and grabbed the top of her head, effectively tackling her. She skinned her leg and started bawling. So I scooped her up and had the talk again. OI! It's a good thing she's so cute!

Then twice, in quick succession, we were almost in 2 separate car accidents on the way home! I just wanted to crawl into bed and not leave the house again!

The other weird thing was that the little girl who was in TreeHouse with Stef asked if I was her mommy. I said yes and then she wanted to know where Stef's little brother was. **cue Twilight Zone music**

Sweet story

A fellow doberman owner/lover told me this story about her sweet Sierra who has already crossed over the rainbow bridge. Her 2 children are just a bit older than Stef. She said reading the Rainbow Bridge poem to them really helped them understand after Sierra passed away. Then one day, they were out in their yard. The sky was crystal clear blue, not a cloud to be seen. Her 5 yr old son came running "Look mom! Come look!" There was one puffy white cloud, shaped sort of like a dog bone in the sky. He said "Look mom! Sierra is waving to us!" Of course she was bawling her eyes out. The story made me cry too.

Stef stats

From Wednesday's pedi appt:

38" tall (75%)

35-3/4 lbs (75%)

I still dispute that weight. She feels MUCH heavier than that!

Baby Blob

One bad day does not a Rainbow Bridge make.

Ellie is eating happily and acting normally again. Margot said we can up her meds again. My good friend Teresa told me about a conversation she had with a human bone cancer patient. Apparently, just 15 minutes late on a dose will make for a very bad day, maybe even a very bad week. Bad days are allowed. Bad days in a row are not allowed.

Steve and I did have a bit of a talk about it last night, but he's preoccupied. His Air Conditioning Certification test is today and he feels very unprepared. The boss is going to go over the book with the guys this morning, then the test is this afternoon. If he doesn't pass, the test fee ($100) will come out of his paycheck. He knows what he's doing, he's just not a great test taker, so he's worried. It's not an easy test either. I almost had to take it in the Air Force, but was too close to getting out to have it be a requirement. Anyway, we shall talk more about Miss Ellie Bean tonight or tomorrow.

Stef starts "school" Monday. She's so excited! MIL is sad but I think relieved at the same time. It was just too much for her, never any down time.

Poor baby girl

I feel SO horrible. Neither of us got home until almost 7pm last night, so we missed giving Ellie her late afternoon meds. Poor girl. She must have been in too much pain to do anything. She wouldn't eat. She pee'd and poo'd on the floor upstairs. When I made her come downstairs to try eating, she wanted to go outside. So, there she lay in a corner of the yard and refused to budge, even when it started raining again. She had SUCH a rough night. I gave her an extra percoset around 2am, and it took her at least 20 minutes to get settled after that. Her back leg is looking very thin. She was breathing pretty hard last night too. So we think it's spreading up the leg and in her lungs.

I was convinced last night that she was telling us it was time. I cried the whole time I was laying with Stef for bedtime. I cried when I came back to our room and laid on the floor rubbing her velvety ears. I couldn't sleep worth a crap, even when she did settle down.

Then she surprised us both this morning by scarfing down her breakfast and looking more perky than usual lately. She's allowed to have a bad day here and there, but she really scared the crap out of us both. Doggone rollercoaster.

PGD Test Results

Just don't tell Steve, okay?

embryo # XY 13 15 16 17 18 21 22 Interpretation

1 XX 2 2 3 2 3 3 3 complex abnormal

3 XX 3 1 1 2 2 1 2 complex abnormal

4 XY 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 NORMAL

5 X0 2 1 2 1 2 2 3 compex abnormal


#1 was a girl with trisomy 16, 18, 21, and 22
#3 was a girl with trisomy 13 and monosomy 15,16, and 21
#4 is the one that got transferred to me
#5 was a nothing I guess or a girl with only one X and trisomy 22 and monosomy 15 and 17

Trisomy 13 would miscarry.

Trisomy 18 is Edwards Syndrome (like Linda's friend's baby) in which about half die in utero, half of live-borns only live til 2 months and only 5-10% survive their first year of life.

Trisomy 21 is Downs Syndrome.

I checked Wikepedia for the other chromosones and it was WAY over my head.

Recent pictures

Final count

There were 4 embryos and 1 was genetically sound for implantation. I've done my 24 hrs bedrest but am going to take it easy the rest of today. I won't lift ANYTHING heavier than my purse until June 21...the date of my pg test.

Ellie isn't looking so good lately, at least according to MIL and my good friend Von. I guess I don't see it since I see her every day. I know she's looking thin in the waist area and she's having a harder time getting comfortable. I don't think it'll be much longer for my sweet girl.

Embryo update

We ended up with 4 embryo's. The PGD is being done today and we'll know tomorrow morning whether we have any good ones. For comparison's sake, last time, we had 5 embryo's and only one genetically sound one for transfer.

Convo with the Ultrasound Tech

Ha! This morning during my u/s, I was discussing with the tech how can she tell the difference between the follicles. To me, it looked like she measured the same folly several times, but she assures me they were different. She said I was relatively easy to read, compared to someone with 25 follies on each side. HOLY SITH SPAWN!! 25?!?! I asked if that was a hyper-stimulation, she said "no, just someone younger". Sheesh! If I feel this full and bloated with 10-12 follicles, I'd hate to feel what that younger person feels like with 50 freaking follies!!

Anyway, my 10-12 are big enough that I'll be taking my HcG shot tonight. Steve will get lucky tonight too. :) wink wink nod nod saynomore saynomore But then he's cut off til his appointment with Penthouse/Playboy Wednesday morning. I'll have to take an HPT tomorrow morning and should get a BFP, but it's just caused by the shot. MEAN MEAN MEAN to make me do that! My egg retrieval will be Wednesday morning. I'll be on bedrest after that. The genetic test will be done over the weekend and the transfer will hopefully be next Monday, followed by another day of bedrest.

WooHoo! I'm pretty excited now that I have some firm dates!!!

Hallam (or is it Hellam?) Days

Hallam/Hellam is a little town on Koren's side of the SqwakyAnna that can't make up it's mind which way to spell itself. I've seen it spelled one way on certain signs and the other on other signs. Either way, Saturday was Hellam/Hallam Days - the whole town has a yardsale.

Omi went along and, of course, bought 2 baby dolls for Stef ($0.25 each). She's just thrilled beyond words to have a little one that loves playing dollies again. The names of the babies.....Luke and Leia! Wahoooooooooooo! And MIL hates it. Bwaahaaahaaaahaaa.

The calm after the storm

I feel much better today. I made sure I took a happy pill last night. I even had a civil conversation with the supervisor today. I told him that if I ever start another conversation with words like "hormonal" or "pissy" that he should just tell me I'm not rational today and we can continue the coversation another time.

Ellie had an okay night last night. No problems.

My estradiol level was 678 today and my 8 follicles were 13-14 in size (mm I guess). I have another bw/us appt Monday at 9. After that appt, I will know when retrieval is - either Wed 6th or Thurs 7th. Then the transfer will be either Mon 11th or Tues 12th. It depends on the follicle sizes Monday and whether they want to let them grow another day or not.

Everyone has a breaking point

Here's mine.

***Warning - especially to Jeni's sensitive eyes LOL - I'm pissed and I've used the F word multiple times in this post****

It's a full moon tonight, so I have to blame some of this on the moon. It's been a stinky 24 hrs.

1-Last night, I forgot to take the mail and UPS out to the boxes for work.

2-I talked to Margot about Ellie's rough night and she said if it happens again, just to give her another pain pill and if that doesn't help her in 20-30 minutes, to give her another, etc. At this point, she has a terminal disease and if we OD her on pain pills to keep her comfortable, then so be it. I told her I'd wondered about that myself, how many pills would do that? She doesn't know since she's never intentionally OD'd a dog before. Anyway, Ellie had a pretty good night last night without extra pills.

3-MIL practically burst into tears this morning when we very briefly discussed daycare. I told her we need her to pick a day, she says she'd like Monday's off so she can have a 3 day weekend every other week. I said 'no, we need you to pick a day that you WANT Stef' Oh! I'll only have her one day a week! I'm going to go thru withdrawal!! And there were the tears. She tried to stifle them saying that Stef will like going to school. I said yes, she's going to love it. She's been practically begging to go to school for months now. It's all about Stef.

4-About 15 minutes after I handed out the c&p'd (because it was too long to fit on one page of paper) office calendar, one of the guys asked me to add him to the Dude-of-the-day mix...which would mean re-doing the whole damn thing and I worked hard on that sucker! So I told him it was too late for this month, but I'd add him for July. As far as I know, he doesn't even have his production number yet, so WTH? Well, he must have cried to the boss because he made me change it. The good part of that is that I shrank fonts, etc enough to make it all fit on one piece of paper. So much for the HOUR I worked on it yesterday!

5-I forgot my happy pill last night

6-I'm so full of injected hormones that I've been sort of on the edge the past few days anyway.

7-Steve keeps asking me when is the day he will have to take off work for the egg retrieval. I keep telling him I DON'T KNOW! ASK MY OVARIES!!

8-I was still stewing about a comment my supervisor made last night and I'm really personally crushed about it. He said the girls here HATE covering for me when I'm out of the office. I seriously honestly didn't think they minded beyond the computer sign-on hassle. Apparently, I was wrong. So now I'm back to feeling like I can't take any time off from work. I was thinking of telling the jerk "yeah, just wait til I get pg and see how much time I'm off work buddy boy!" But I was too busy stifling tears.

9-Supervisor called me again today, asked how I was doing. I gave the usual non-committal "I'm okay" He pushed so I told him the truth, that I'm in a pissy mood. He says "hey, watch your mouth, but why are you in a mood" (LOL! If he would've heard that mouth when I was on active duty!!! WHOA). Well, ask me a question and you'd better expect to get a fully truthful answer, especially if I'm in a mood and just got pushed. So, I listed it out for him: happy pill, hormones, calendar, etc etc. He asked if anything else was new, so I told him "well, my dog is dying." He said "Wow, I'm gonna stop talking to you people from that office." I said "okay, bye" but he kept talking. "You people have the worst luck!" "I'm sorry, but I don't think it's bad luck that my dog has bone cancer" "Oh well, not luck, but bad Karma" WTF?!?! So now it's MY fault that Ellie has cancer??!!?? Try to change the subject and get the hell off the phone since dude doesn't know when to shut up shuttin up. Hang up and burst into tears. Once I got my composure half way back, I asked one of the girls and apparently dude was right, they do hate having to cover me, or at least that one girl does. So now I'm crushed for not having known that. I've always believed it was a PITA but not too big of a deal for them. I asked a different girl and she said my belief was true for her at least. Still, I am back to feeling like I can't take any time off work without it being a huge big deal for the rest of the f'ing firm!

10-After my dentist appointment (which I did for my lunch hour!), I came back and found a check laying on my desk in a window envelope, so I assumed it was to be mailed out (if it were for pickup, it would have been in a regular envelope). I sealed it, stamped it, and took it to the mailbox with the rest of yesterday's mail that I'd forgotten. Twenty minutes later, client comes to the window looking to pick up a check. I call the girl who would have entered the check request, she tells me it's already printed and laying on my desk. Well FUCK a HUTT! I just put that in the mailbox. Client was not at all upset, but I sure was. What ELSE can I screw up today????

11-One of the brokers comes to me in a bit of a panic about some error from earlier this month that doesn't look fixed and today, of course, is the cutoff for statements and if it doesn't get fixed today, it'll take her 2 hrs to explain to the client why it's on their statement, blah blah blah. I had a part in THAT screw up too!!

12-I vented all this to my good friend in the York office and she asked if there was anything she could do to help. I told her to ask Supervisor to please not call me anymore today. She relayed that (and a bit of the reason behind it, I'm sure). So at 3:32, doesn't the idiot call me again. He just wants to clarify that the CA's don't hate me. I said "I never said that. I said that you said they hate having to cover for me when I'm out." He tries to explain himself to death that NOBODY likes having to cover for each other, nobody likes having to do extra work, and they don't hate me so I shouldn't feel guilty for taking the time off that is due to me. He's trying to alleviate how much they have to cover me by sending the cashier from the York office to cover part of the time for me, that this office is very lucky to have a full-time operations person that probably does more for them than other ops people would let them get away with, and don't read into THAT that you're job is in jeopardy cause it's not. Blah blah blah. SHUT UP SHUTTIN UP RABBIT!!! I try to tell him that I can't talk about it anymore, but he freaking just keeps talking and talking and talking and I keep crying and crying and crying. I finally snap and said "you just don't have any idea do you?? You don't get it, how much is on my plate already! I don't need this on top of it all! I was happily oblivious! I just don't need this" He tried to say that he does understand about my plate but wanted me to explain why this was more on top of it, like why does it bother me so much. I just whispered that I had to go, have to go, have to go...and hung up.

So he calls my good friend in York again fearfully worried about me and wants me to go home and maybe take tomorrow off too. Of course now she's worried about me. But I could explain to her that I just need to concentrate on my job, keep my mind busy, and NOT TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING ISSUE ANY MORE!! So I asked her to tell him again to not call me about it. If he has business to talk about, that's fine, but no more on this subject!

Deep breath! Sigh. He's a nice guy but he's a fucking asshole! (quote from one of Steve's former co-workers - I stole it cause I love it)

Quick like a bunny

Ellie had 2 bad days, then a good day yesterday. She's still holding her own.

Stef was freaking cracking me up. If you ask her what is the name of our river (Susquehanna), her answer is Squawkee-anna! When she asks to watch Bambi, it is more like Bandi. She was hitting on her new T-ball set like a champ. Usually it was the T that got hit, rather than the ball. She won a little teddy bear at the fair, all by herself by throwing a dart and popping a balloon. She won a freaking goldfish and named it Memo or Nemo, depending on how closely you listen to her. She won a giraffe at the "fishing pond". Typical fair crap, but she loves them.

I had bloodwork this morning, but haven't heard the results yet. It's just to let me know if I have to increase my dosage or not. I sheepishly had to confess to Dr F that I forgot my injection last night. He said it's okay, just keep going. So now the Nemo song "just keep swimming just keep swimming" is stuck in my head.

The reason I forgot my injection last night was that it took me 3 hours to get Stef to bed. She was just about out and then the lovely neighbors started setting off fireworks. At first Stef thought it was Daddy knocking on her door. "let's go see Mommy. Daddy wants to come in" Then she thought Fire Crackers were something good to eat. Then she thought the firecrackers were in our house, then they were knocking on the window. Grrr Grrr Grrrr.

No meals???

Daycare #1, LL, is practically in our backyard, only costs $1/day more than daycare #2, and has all the same credentials as #2. They also have an indoor play village for when the weather is ugly, so the kids don't have to just stay in their room all day. They don't, however, serve any meals. They give a morning snack of fresh fruit, so I'd have to feed Stef breakfast before dropping her off, plus pack her a brown bag lunch. I was turned off by that and by the "strict schedule" the director says the teacher sticks to. The teacher is supposedly by-the-book-no-nonsense, which I wouldn't mind too much, but there should be some flexibility. They also do not use 1-2-3 Magic. I asked what do they do for discipline then. Basically, redirection with a choice between a different activity or going to the library for a cool down. Our neighbor 2 doors down was telling Steve last night that he was none too impressed with LL either.

Daycare #2, LP, is still on my way to work, serves breakfast and a hot lunch, is open til midnight for 2nd shifters, has separate playgrounds for the little kids and the bigger kids, uses 1-2-3, ensures hand washing and tooth brushing at meal times, has parent's nights out to raise money for field trips a couple times a year, and just seemed more in tune with the real world. Steve didn't go with me to see LL, but did see LP. We're going to talk about it a little more this weekend, but I think we're sold on LP. The only real drawback is that you have to cross 2 lanes of ugly traffic at the top of Chickies Hill for picking up and going home. If it's too ugly, I'll just drive on to Marietta and turn around, then go down Chickies and turn around again at the Burger King. Problem solved.

Next, Steve has to make his mom believe that we're for real about this. She will still get Stef one day a week and so will my mom, but it's daycare for the other 3 days. I don't think MIL thinks we're serious. Good luck with that one Honey!

Panic for potty?

Stef has been doing wonderfully with potty training; no daytime accidents for weeks now. Sometimes she gets positively panicky about having to go. "I got to go potty!! I don't want to pee my panties!!!" I kind of like that it's so important to her, but then again almost think something is wrong, like somebody yelled at her about peeing her panties (nobody that lives in our house). Last night, just as I was ready to leave her room and go to my own bed, she started crying really hard and sort of acting like she was trying to get away from something. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I just did my best to comfort her until she went back to sleep. Then I noticed her nighttime pullup was squishy. I'm thinking she had to pee but couldn't wake herself up quite enough to get up and go, but was also panicked about peeing her panties. She even mentioned this morning that she peed her panties. I told her it was her night time panties and it's okay because she's still learning and to try again next time.

Anybody else seeing panic potty attacks?

Happy Birthday Ellie!!

You made it to 11 years old!! I know, we just picked a day in May and the vet picked May as your month. It's all a guess. But it's the day we choose to celebrate you sweet baby. More liver and another roast are on your menu for tonight!!

Spasms

I have at least 3 spasms hanging on since Friday. UGH! I have an MRI scheduled for this afternoon. The VA hasn't done any imaging since 1995. The WC doc wants to compare but good luck getting images out of the VA archives.

Ellie did pretty well this weekend except Friday night (after I was passed out from the pain pills) she jumped on the fence to bark at something and cried when she came back down. I've even seen her putting the booboo foot on the ground once in awhile.

So cute - whenever Stef sees a puffy dandelion, she blows it and wishes "Ellie booboo leg go away" or "baby sister" I coached her for the Ellie wish and I think she remembers Logan's wish for the sister one.

Owwie

Stupid stupid stupid postal worker!! The grumpy bald dude just hands me the crate of mail this morning with a big box in it, with no forewarning about how heavy the beast is! The box weighs about 35 lbs just by itself. I'm not supposed to be lifting anything over 20 lbs max! All I could say is "WHOA" and dropped it to the ground. I couldn't even kick the sucker down the ramp like I do sometimes. So I had to go get the wheely cart out of my trunk, bring it back up to the dock and load it from there. That was no easy task either. Great holy Sith spawn!! Ow ow ow ow. So now I'm wearing the TENS on pretty high power and reported the injury to our worker's comp people. I guess I should call the VA too, to get it put in my chart. Like I have time for this crap now!

Ellie is doing about the same. No changes since yesterday. I just have to comment about how incredibly soft and silky her ears are and I love stroking them. She prefers to have her neck scratched, but I sneak in an ear rub every once in awhile too. :)

Kibble strike is over

Ellie refused to eat supper Tuesday and breakfast Wednesday. I know the tramadol really really suppresses the appetite (I'd like some too please!) So I got some beef liver (YUCK!!!) and a cheap pot roast. She devoured the liver for supper and was very happy to have some pot roast and juice for breakfast. Presh was very happy about this too. We had a really long snuggle before bed last night. It was a good night.

Nothing else going on right now.

A good evening

Ellie had a good evening Monday. She was even trying to play with Presh and I hated to break it up, but we can't risk a bone break. It did my heart good to see her in the "let's play" stance again.

Last night and this morning's kibble went untouched though. She wouldn't even eat a biscuit. She is still happily taking her pile-o-pills wrapped in a piece of turkey lunchmeat. I will have to go buy some more turkey and try that in her food again. Maybe she doesn't really like the ground turkey and rice.

Monday night, Stef and I stopped at the Rag Shop. I wanted to see if they had any stepping stone kits that I could put Ellie's pawprint in. While I was looking, Stef was spinning around in a circle. Next thing I know, she's flat on her face on the floor, screaming. She busted her lip - cut it on her tooth. I feel horrible for her. It doesn't seem to bother her anymore though.

I'm still in research mode for the daycare situation. Must make some phone calls....

She's giving me "the look"

Ellie, that is. It's been a week now since she last put weight on the bad leg. I had to carry her down the steps yesterday and I have to help her go up the steps. I talk to her alot and ask her to please let me know when it's time. That look has been different the last 2 days. Totally not something I wanted to think about on Mother's Day.

The vet asked 2 important questions:
1) is she still eating? answer - only because I started adding ground turkey and rice to her kibble
2) is she still happy to see her family? - answer - yes but much less so

Margot feels that if those 2 questions are still yes, it's not time yet. But then again, we know our dog better than anybody. She'd like to see how Ellie will do with another medication increase. If she's obviously not getting any relief, then it's time.

It'll be $64.50 to say goodbye plus $77 for a group cremation or $155 for a private cremation. I haven't decided how I feel about that yet. Is it important to me to have her ashes? I know her soul will be gone long before then and that's the part of her I love. It almost feels wrong not to have her remains returned to us though. That's probably just the part of me that doesn't want to let go of her.

Voluntarily quitting?

MIL told Steve last night that after Stef's swim school is over (in about a month I think) she wants to not have Stef every other Monday. Working and taking care of Stef are just too overwhelming for her. She's tired and depressed and her body hurts. Steve was saying to me that he would be happy to take all her Monday's, Tuesday's, Wednesday's, AND Thursday's away. I'm thinking more along the lines of one day a week at each grandmothers and 3 days a week in daycare. It's barely any difference $ wise between that and fulltime. This would keep both grandmothers from going into total Stef withdrawal and would be good for Stef too. Maybe for now, I will suggest 2 days/wk in daycare, then 3 days after swim school is over. I just have to talk Steve into it.

My mom's bathtub is still leaking. Apparently whoever from CAP installed the pipes in the first place didn't actually line up the drain pipe with the drain hole. They just got it pretty close, but it wasn't grabbing any threads at all. Steve tried a semi-quick fix, but if it's still leaking, he wants to rebuild the whole assembly. Maybe he can do that Saturday while I take Stef to Logan's party. That'll teach him to be a party pooper. In his defense, he's not coming because he's on call and already has a buddy covering for him so he can go to some mandatory Kellogg's training. He didn't really feel comfortable asking the buddy to cover him all afternoon too.

The audit man cometh

Our internal auditor is in the area this week. So far, he's looking at all our office's stuff at the parent office but he'll probably come down here early next week. Anyway, that is the reason for my conspicuous absense this week. Nothing new going on. Same old same old.

Happy Birthday Stefanie Jaina!!

At 2:07pm, 3 yrs ago, you were born via C-Section at Women's and Babies' Hospital. I didn't get to see you again until sometime after 5 because my toes just would not wiggle for the longest time. I've been SO in love with you ever since. It's been a wonderful 3 years and I can't wait to see you again tonight. You and Daddy and the Babies and I will have ice cream cake and open your gift from us. Happy Birthday baby girl!!!

The weekend update

I'm Chevy Chase and you're not.

I did come down with some kind of ugly flu after all. I was feeling feverish, shaky, shivery, and headachey all afternoon Friday. It only got worse that night (I had to actually go take a nap in my mom's bed while Steve worked on the plumbing) and the next morning. I was running about 101 Saturday until 1 or 2:00. Then I felt fairly human again. So what did I do? Rest? HA! No way dude! I broke out the vacuum and steam cleaner and *gasp* the Pledge!!!

I made like the white tornado and vac'd and steam cleaned carpet throughout the whole house (except the guest room which isn't dirty), steams cleaned the couch, decluttered the kitchen counters and dusted the living room. I missed the sale on chicken breast tenders, but oh well. I just couldn't DO anymore after all that cleaning. Even weirder...Stef took a spontaneous 2-1/2 hr nap!!

My neice Sarah, cancelled her performance in the voice recital Sunday. She's sick and is having trouble with her voice anyway. No point in stressing it further.

I still felt pretty punky Sunday, but since I left Steve sleep til noon, he was perfectly willing to help me out. We got all the laundry together and started. He made lunch (I still wasn't eating much at that point), went to the grocery store with us (and sat in the car with a sleeping Stef the whole time), then made supper.

Ellie was looking pretty good Sunday evening so I thought we could all go for a short walk as a family. Stef strapped on her roller skates, helmet, and pads. I harnessed up the doggies. It must have been quite a site coming down the sidewalk. Stef was in the middle of us on her skates. We each had a hand. We also each had a dog. Dog-parent-stef-parent-dog. If only there had been someone to take a picture. Anyway, we stopped briefly to talk to a neighbor/dobie owner just around the corner from our house. A girl about Stef's age opened the door to the house next to where we were standing. A little puff ball dust bunny of a dog came charging out of this house, straight for us. I instinctively pulled Ellie's gentle leader up tight so she couldn't move her head at all. Her hackles were up and she would have loved to have a little dog sandwich. Steve had Presh and Stef, so his hands were full and unavailable for help. I tried to grab the dust bunny by it's scruff while it was comically leaping in the air trying to reach Ellie's neck. The owner came out and retrieved it before I could get a good hold. No harm no foul. The little dog just wanted a shot at the title.

Ellie must have tensed up while dust bunny was trying to reach her carotid because after the whole thing was over, she cried and cried and held her booboo leg up. I thought I was going to have to carry her home. But less than a minute later, trooper that she is, Ellie wanted to finish her walk. She's pretty sore this morning even, so I gave her 1-1/2 oxycodone and we'll see how she is tonight.

Full moon residue

My day started off great....really it did. I got up and let Presh out, not feeling too tired. Went back to bed for a great *wink wink nudge nudge say no more say no more*. Stef woke up early and happy. We all sat down to eat a bowl of cereal together. I actually got out the door a little early, which was great since I was supposed to drop the car off at the dealer for it's overdue service.

When we got to my mom's, the door was still locked, but I knew she was downstairs already because Neelix was out in the yard. Just as I was about to go back to the car to get my key, she opened the door and said "it's a disaster zone in here". It sure is! A pipe must have burst between the floors. She said the water got COLD and much less pressure all the sudden during her shower this morning. It gushed out of the living room ceiling, wiped out 3 drop ceiling tiles and drenched her chair, medicines, papers, phone, etc. When she came downstairs, the water was ankle deep. Beings that the house is 100+ yrs old, the water started draining thru the wood floor boards to the basement. Cool. She went down and turned on the sump.

She was getting ready to call the insurance company, but realized her phone is out of service. I know it was working at 7am because I called to make sure she was awake. The water gush either knocked the basement phone off the hook or messed up the phone lines in the walls. Meanwhile, we have to stand outside to use my cell phone to make the call because her house is a black hole for technology. They will pay for the cleanup and damage but not for the plumber to come fix the leak.

Mom's plumber is Steve. I called and asked if he could come help her right after work (even though we all know he has to work a 16 hr shift at Kellogg's tomorrow). He said he has the plastic pipe glue at home, so I told him to go home after work, take care of the dogs, get the glue, then come down and help mom. I said I'd leave out which pills Ellie is supposed to get .... OH FUCK! I forgot to give her the morning pills!!! I was already late for work, and forget Saturn, so I called the office and told them my whole sad story, ran back home, gave poor gimpy baby her pills, and rushed into work.

There were 3 or 4 problems waiting for me here at the office, but they are dealt with now (I hope). I still have to figure out the new change system for the new phone system. TGIF!!

birthday

On to happier things....I am cautiously announcing that Stef is completely day potty trained. Of course, now she'll have a big accident, but she's doing SO well! She even runs in from playing when she has to go. Sometimes she wakes up dry, but not always.

We broke out her new roller skates last night. She had a blast even if she wasn't actually really skating. It was more like being wheeled around by mommy and/or daddy.

Here are some slideshows of her birthday party (I guess I didn't take very many pix that day - Help me out Angela!!), riding her bicycle, and 2 roller skating videos.

biking

roller skating

skating

Just off the phone

Margot just called me back about the panting. She asked if the limping was worse; it is. Increased panting with increased limping = pain response. We went over the medication schedule and revised dosages a bit. She also gave me guidelines for how much I can increase each of the 3 meds without getting permission first. So, for now, it's:

Oxycodone - 1 full pill 3x's/day
Tramadol - 2 full pills 3x's/day (enhances the oxy)
Dex - 3 pills 2x's/day (decreases pain windup - something about the pain impulses gathering at a certain place in a dog's brain which increases her perception of the pain level - she feels more pain than she's really in)

The next step up will be 1-1/2 pills 3x's/day of Oxy. The Tramadol can be increased up to 4 pills 3x's/day. The Dex can be increased to 9 pills 2x's/day. Margot is not ready to say that it's time to go to Morphine yet. It won't really work in our situation anyway since it HAS to be given every 4 hrs (doesn't last as long as the oxy). When I asked if she thinks it is progressing pretty quickly, she said "well, it's progressing. I wouldn't say you've had her on an excessive amount of Oxy yet, so it's not that quickly yet"

God bless Margot. She's a true gift of a friend. I pray for her alot. She's got a really tough job.

Not so good

Since we got home last night, Ellie has really been favoring her booboo leg;not even putting it down alot of the time. I increased her dosage of Tramadol (okay'd by vet ahead of time) but she's still really really sore looking today. I gave her 3 dex's (instead of 2) this morning and a full oxycodone (instead of 1/2) and one tramadol. We'll see how she is tonight. I'm still not concerned/scared enough to use that secret magic cell phone # though.

Rough night

Ellie Belly had a pretty rough night last night. We heard her get up and try to get comfortable at least 5 or 6 times. Just as I was getting up to get her another pain pill (she can have them 3 times a day, but so far it's just been twice a day), she settled down and went back to sleep.

I talked to the vet for quite a while last night. She said it's a good 3 inches of bone that's cancerous. The entire bone is involved. It's like someone is taking a melon baller and scooping out various sized balls out of the bone. That's why we have to be very cautious of bone breaks. I told her we'd like one of the other 2 vets there to have a look for a 2nd opinion, just because we don't want it to be true. She has no problem with that, but said even her xray tech knew it was cancer as soon as she saw the films. So she'll ask Carla to have a look today.

Margot is also researching the pain meds we have on hand at home to see if they're okay to give to Ellie. I have a big bottle of darvocet that I don't use anymore, but it has Tylenol in it and that's no good for doggies.

Strike that - I just got off the phone with Margot. She says NO to the Enbrel because it can mask infection and the dog could die of a hidden sepsis (people can too) and there is no dosage guidelines for dogs. NO to Darvocet because of the Tylenol. What she wants to do is keep up with the Percocet (it only has a little tylenol) 1/2 to 3/4 tablet during the day and a full one at night. Keep the Prevacox 1/2 tablet once a day, then replace that with Tramadol once our supply of Prevacox is gone. Also add (sp?) dexomethoraphan (like in cough medicine). She has to talk to a pharmacist to figure out dosage amounts and it might have to be compounded by a pharmacist. I know Darrenkamp's advertises that they do that for pet meds. Margot agrees and says their prices are really good and the one pharmacist (Bill) LOVES to do things for pets.

It's all going to be playing with the med levels to keep her comfortable as her pain levels change. We may eventually go to morphine tablets. If that happens, I think it will be close to the end for her.

I went to a farewell party last night for one of my co-workers who is quitting to be a SAHM. I told her I hate her ;) Anyway, I had to leave the party early because I was on the verge of tears again. I cried all the way home. My sweet Ellie.

Update

The chest xray didn't show any big major tumors, but there were several small "spots". The vet feels that these are most likely very small tumors, but could be blood vessels looking directly at the xray machine. Unlikely though. At the age of almost 11, we're not going to put Ellie thru the trauma of an amputation just to buy her 1-3 happy months. We've decided to just medicate her to keep her comfortable until either the meds stop working or Ellie tells us it's time to go. Until that time, we will spoil her and love on her and do whatever we can to help her.

Steve doesn't want to believe it is true, so he wants me to ask for a 2nd opinion. I don't want Margot to be right either, but I believe she is.

I talked to Ellie's foster mama from before we adopted her. One of her dobie girls got bone cancer when she was 13 yrs old. The next day after diagnosis, her leg broke, I guess from the cancer weakening it, and they had the old girl put down at that point. She also told me about another dobie she knows of that was diagnosed with the same thing 5 months ago and is still with us. He didn't get an amputation either. So, it's entirely up to Ellie how long she wants to deal with this. She will let us know when it's time.

On a related note, MIL has pissed us both off ROYALLY by suggesting to Steve that we put Ellie down now, or get rid of her...before she hurts Stefanie. I told Steve to tell his mother she better not EVEN go there with me. This morning was the first time since that conversation that I saw MIL. Steve hadn't talked to her about it yet, but she didn't bring it up with me at all. Good thing because I was prepared to pack Stef up, turn around, and go right the Hell back home if she did start on me about it. My emotional state is pretty frazzled now anyway. I don't need her crap.

I like how Tanya (dobie foster mama) put it. How would MIL like it if we threw her into a nursing home now just because she might need some help and be in some pain, which is manageable with meds. I won't throw my 4 legged children away any more than I'd throw away my 2 legged one. No life is disposable in my book.

My sweet Ellie

It's bone cancer. It's in her tibia (foreleg). It's very aggressive. I've okay'd a chest xray to see if it's spread to her chest/lungs. If not, we might consider amputation to buy her some happy time. Otherwise we will just give her strong pain killers until Ellie gives up.

Ellie and "Mary"

Ellie is at the vet today getting her knee xrayed. It hadn't gotten any better with the pain meds, so this is the next step. I'll update after they call me with the results.

For some reason, Stef has started pretending that her name is Mary sometimes. All day Sunday, she was Mary. She had Mary's ball, she was waving goodbye to Mary's house when we went to the mall, she even told the photographer at Picture People that her name was Mary. I have no idea why she picked Mary, unless it's from Jacks' Big Music Show. What's really funny is when she announces she's not Mary, but she's Stefanie again. What a character!

Picture People

Well, I guess that's how they keep people from grabbing the pictures from their website. They're all a bit pixelated, but you get the idea, at least until I get them all scanned in and uploaded for sharing. Steve even agrees with me now - we won't be using Sears for pictures any more. Picture People are SO much better with Stef.

Scream or cry?

At the suggestion from my family doctor (or CNP), I've been weaing from my happy pill. I've been at 40mg since Friday. I'm not doing well with it. Tax season wasn't a great time to try this anyway, but that's over now and I'm still ready to bite someone's head off while bawling my eyes out at the same time.

I talked to Michelle (RE) this morning. She said she's had some patients stay on prozac during pg and everything was fine. She suggested that I talk to the CNP again and ask about switching to Zoloft or just staying at 60mg Prozac.

Something HAS to be done. This morning, I very nearly fired MIL and quit my job (that I really really need). I know I'm not thinking entirely rationally right now, but now I'm just about as mad at MIL as Steve has been recently.

Happy Birthday Meredith!!

It's only one day late, but Happy Happy Birthday!!!

Ellie Belly

I'm really worried about our bionic doggy Ellie. She'll be 11 next month, which scares me just by itself. We took her to the vet last night because she's been favoring her back left leg for a week or 2 now and it doesn't seem to be getting better.

Both of Ellie's hips are bothering her, but it's just from old age. Margot thinks the problem is in her knee. She feels an old injury in there (from before Ellie lived with us) While she was feeling around the knee, we could really tell it bothers her. But then she moved further down the leg, below the actual joint, and Ellie yipped and snapped. Major big pain. We're hoping it's just a knee injury from acting like a nut in the yard and Ellie had finally just had enough examination. We're giving her more pain pills and trying to keep her quiet. If it doesn't get better, it'll be time for an x-ray to see if she either ripped her ACL or, worse case scenario...has bone cancer. It scared the bejeezes out of Margot that the big reaction came when she wasn't anywhere near the joint, but we're going to play this out conservatively for now.

What a dingbat

When I sent in my last prescription reorder slip, I was only looking for some more Nasacort for my allergies. I accidentally marked the Prozac box, but crossed it out and wrote "NO" next to it. Apparently they don't know what NO means, unless they are the ones saying it. LOL. That particular Rx was almost expired, so the pharmacy called the doctor. The doctor agreed to give a 90 day supply refill and made me get an appointment since it'd been quite awhile since my last visit for depression.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I saw Nurse Cindy, my favorite nurse practitioner. She had a nurse working with her, studying to become a nurse practitioner. I was going to ask about weaning or cutting back on the 60mg/day Prozac anyway, but then thought I'd better wait, because of the stress of the upcoming IVF (if it ever happens). The student nurse pointed out that I shouldn't be on Prozac if I'm pg, so I should start weaning now. Figures! The only person to even ever mention it was a student nurse!! I'm so glad I went in that day. Anyway, they approved a slow gradual wean.

That night, I took 2 pills from the bottle I'd been using. That would have been 40mg. The next night, I took the final pill from that bottle (20 mg) and one from the new bottle that just came. I continued taking 2 pills a day from that new bottle until last night. TG Steve went to fetch my pills for me. He brought me the bottle and asked was that the right one and how many am I taking now. I said 2/day. He pointed out that this bottle had 40mg pills in it. Holy Sith Spawn!! I'd been taking 80mg all week!! Nurse Cindy says it's okay, no harm done, but now I have to wean down from 80mg instead of from 60mg.

If all else fails, read the instructions!!!

Kitty BA

I almost forgot (because I'm trying not to think about it). Kitty BA passed away Saturday night in her sleep. She was 21 yrs old and lived a long, pampered, happy life. I tried explaining to Stef, but I'm sure she doesn't quite get it. I told her that Kitty BA went to live in Kitty Heaven and now she's not sick anymore and she doesn't hurt anymore. Now she can play with Kitty Doofus again. But we won't get to see her anymore. We will miss her but Kitty BA went to live with Jesus and Kitty Doofus and she is happy there. Stef is okay with the happy parts, but doesn't like the sounds of not seeing Kitty BA anymore. We shall see how it goes on Wednesday - the first time she'll be at my mom's since the passing of her little furry friend.

Silly Easter

Stef must think the Easter Bunny's name is Easter. She was telling Grandpop and Grammie on the phone "That silly Easter. He hide eggies in my house. On the stairs!"

We had a great weekend. Well, Friday could've been better if the Y had been open. We drove all the way down here only to find that they were closed Fri, Sat, and Sun for the holiday. Bummer, but oh well. Then we picked up Omi and went shopping. Stef had a grand time in the Treehouse (playcenter at the grocery store) and didn't want to leave. Then she napped in the car so we had to tag team when we got to Hancock Fabrics' store closing sale. Omi went first. I spent another $90 but got lots and lots of goodies. Oh, that reminds me. My friend Wendy wants to go in halfers on a Serger machine!! I just have to find one on QVC.com so her friend can get us a discount. I have ALWAYS wanted a Serger. I don't have any idea how to work one, but I want it!! I've always wanted a dress form too. I looked at the one at Hancock - $129 minus 30% off = $90. I almost got it but the lady said she doesn't have my size. I told her "That's okay. This isn't my size anyway. My size is hiding somewhere under the flab"

Saturday, we had a very fun (very loud) playdate with Ang and Logan at Chuck EE Cheese. As expected, we had to practically drag them out of there kicking and screaming. It's pretty standard for that place. It was more fun back at Logan's house;except for the flashlight klunking incident. Stef cracked Logan right on the noggin with a hard plastic dog shaped flashlight. OUCH! They bonked heads with each other once, too, but it was a bit less tramatic. Stef kissed the booboo, they hugged and made up. SO CUTE!!

Sunday, I threw the ham in the oven and finished cleaning up the downstairs. We dyed our eggs and I made a few Star Wars eggs with the kits Ang and Nessa gave me. The Darth Vader one was AWESOME!! I'll have to take pix and post them before eating the dark lord of the Sith. (if I can find my camera) Supper was delish. Stef was fun. Family was great. It was just a great weekend all the way around.

Today, I took my lunch break 1/2 hr early so I could get in the pool with Stef for Swimming School. Now that was an absolute BLAST! I think I helped her build some more water confidence (because I let her try things that scare the bejeezes out of MIL). She went under the water about 3 times. She was trying harder to actually swim, instead of floating while somebody holds her. It was just SO cool!!!! I can't go next week since it'll be the last week of the tax season. That's okay. Classes go on into the middle of June I think.

It's a smiley day.

A slide show would have been much easier

New pix

These are from our trip to Funk's to see the Easter bunny.

Our little daredevil:



holding the baby bunnies

hugging the Easter bunny








And this happened last night. I was cutting out "button" stickers to put on the red cake plates, so they look like Mickey Mouse's belly. Stef wanted to help. So I set her up with her own safety scissors and gave her the scraps to cut up. Next thing I know, I'm hearing the sound of HAIR being cut. She burst into tears when I scolded her about it.

Not really a big deal. Her hair is layered anyway, and it's only hair, it'll grow back. But it's in her genes and I wanted to nip that habit in the bud, so to speak. There is a picture somewhere of Steve with some VERY uneven, uphill bangs. He cut his hair the night before picture day. I don't think I ever did that, there are no lingering stories about it anyway.

What a nice weekend

Saturday, Stef was pretty much back to her old self. We went to Funk's to see the Easter Bunny and take a hayride. Stef actually HUGGED this Easter bunny!! Maybe she's over her fear of costumed characters finally? The egg hunt they had was fun too. After the egg hunt, there were real baby bunnies for everyone to hold. Stef did pretty well with her bunny. I only had to tell her "no neck" once.

Sunday, FIL came down to look at our next door neighbor's house which is still up for sale. He seems extremely interested, but is worried about the cost. He needs to sit down and do all the math. I think it would be kinda cool to have him living next door. He's the type to mind his own business. Stef would love having Grandpop living so close. We'll see.

Today was great too. I walked over the Y to watch Stef's swim class. She did so well! I want to rearrange my lunch schedule so I can get in the pool with her some time.

It's apparently THE flu

One of my depositing customers told me yesterday that his wife has the same thing Stef has and their doctor told them it's THE flu - as in the one we all got shots for last fall. He says the shot is really only effective for 3 months, then it's sort of no good after that. I personally just think we got a shot for a slightly different strain than what is going around now.

Anyway, MIL sort of confirmed that today. Her other job is at a nursing home and one of her coworkers had this stomach bug, also told by her doctor that it's THE flu. She said it was so bad that her hair hurt. That totally fits with how Stef has been acting - like it hurts to be touched, sometimes it hurts to just BE. Poor poor baby.

No more puking so far. She complained that her belly hurt a lot last night. One explosive/toxic diaper later and she was much better. She ate a little piece of banana last night then asked to go for a nap. Today, she ate a cracker and about 1/3 of a banana before I left her at my mom's. She called me later (Stef did) to tell me she's feeling good. I think we're finally over the hump with this (knock wood). The diahrea is supposed to last for about a week, so I'm not sure if she can go back to swimming school Monday or not.

If anybody has any ideas about games the kids could play at Stef's birthday party, that tie in with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, please share! So far, I only have Pin the tail on Mickey (yawn) and some sort of treasure hunt that loosely follows the episode where they were looking for colors to refill the rainbow machine. Red ball, orange whistle, yellow flower, green ducky, blue bow, and purple plum. I'm still not quite sure how to run the game. All the kids are around 3 yrs old except Michael who is 7. HELP!!

Stef update

Stef puked herself awake this morning, then went back to sleep. I called the pedi and got an appointment for 9:50. When I woke her up to go to the doctor's, I gave her a few sips of KoolAid. That all came back up (even thru her nose, poor baby) in the car. Luckily, I had the forethought to bring a towel and put on her lap, so most of it went there. I brought the pukey bowl too but she didn't make it to that. Pedi checked her weight (30-1/2 lbs) and her belly, throat, ears, heart(?); said her bowels are working fine and everything else is clear. Apparently this stomach virus is rampant - they've been seeing ALOT of it lately. Stef got a shot of phenergan to stop the vomiting. MIL reports that she slept in her bed for awhile, then wanted to be held and was sleeping in MIL's arms as of 12:45. When she wakes up, she's allowed to have sips of Sprite or ginger ale or broth. If she holds that down, she can have crackers/toast/rice/bananas etc for supper. The puking should be finished now.

Lil stinker that she is, she keeps asking for cocoa or choc milk or cereal or ice cream. I tell her she can't have that while she's sick. So she proclaims that she's all better now. LMTO

On a related note, MIL told me this morning that she hates our pediatricians because they just let her be sick for too long. Luckily she told me this on the phone so she didn't see the eye roll. I told her that they had offered for Stef to come in on Tuesday but there isn't much they could do for her except weigh her and check her belly. I was comfortable with waiting it out. I know there's not much to be done for viruses. Of course I translated her comment into that I'm a bad mother for not insisting she be seen. Ugh.

Tagged by Elisa

Birthday Tag

1. Go to Wikipedia and type in your Birthday Month and day only.
2. List 3 Events that occurred that day.
3. List 2 important Birth days.
4. List 1 Death.
5. List a Holiday or Observance. (if any)
6. Tag 5 other bloggers.

3 events:
1-1865 - The New York Stock Exchange opens its first permanent headquarters at 10-12 Broad near Wall Street in New York City.
2-1958 - Sputnik 1 falls to Earth from its orbit (launched on October 4, 1957).
3-1999 - Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura is sworn in as governor of Minnesota.

2 important birthdays
1-1643 - Sir Isaac Newton, English mathematician and natural philosopher (d. 1727)
2-1965 - Julia Ormond, English actress (same year as me)

1 death
1999 - Iron Eyes Cody, American actor (b. 1904)

holiday
The eleventh night and tenth day of Christmas in Western Christianity

I tag Sara, Angela, Kylee, Koren, and Krista

Day 3 of the stomach flu

I could tell Stef wasn't herself on Sunday. She hadn't been eating much since about Thursday, but I chalked that up to toddlerhood. Sunday afternoon, she started telling me her belly hurt. Well, not so much that it hurt, just that whine "my bellllllyyyyyy" I kind of figured it was coming. She fell asleep in the car on the way to the grocery store. We drove to York's Giant purposely so she could go in the Treehouse (play area). When I woke her and asked if she wanted to go play with the kids, at first she said yes, but then just cried and wanted me to hold her. She still wasn't feeling hot. I carried her all the way thru the grocery store (and OY does my back feel it now). After groceries, she and I waited in the car while Steve went in Lowes to get us a new dishwasher (ours isn't dead but it's very ill). As soon as he came back out, she puked all over herself and the carseat and everything on the floor in front of her. I never make a big deal out such things so as not to upset her. As long as I covered the puke mess, she was calm. Steve, on the other hand, freaked a little at first, but then got himself under control when he saw how Stef reacted.

We got her home and she puked once more, then just layed around and snuggled with me the rest of the evening. Monday morning she woke up in a huge pool of diarrhea, so straight in the bathtub for her. She was running a low grade fever by this point and cried unless I was holding her. So I stayed home with her. She was able to hold down small sips of Sprite then a few crackers for supper. Of course Steve was freaking just about the whole time he was home. "well, what about orange juice? maybe she caught it from the shopping cart at Giant. are you sure the Sprite is supposed to be warm? etc etc" Just worried daddy stuff.

She was running a temp of about 100 at supper time, and climbed to 103 before bed. Tylenol and Motrin tag team, cool washcloth, and snuggles with mommy all cooled her off enough that I could put her to bed without worrying myself to death. I still didn't sleep much all night - listening for Stef sounds. She woke up completely cool and begged for her water bottle, which is a comfort thing for her. Against my better judgement, I gave in and let her have a few ounces. She curled up on my lap and took a short nap. I tried to get her awake so I could see if I needed to stay home with her again or not. She wanted to go lay in my bed with me and just as I picked her up to carry her there, she puked all the water back at me, in my hair, down my back, on the floor. I should have listened to my better judgement. LOL

Anyway, now she feels warm again but I didn't get the thermometer on her yet. She's sleeping on my bed with the puke bowl next to her. I just called off work again and am waiting for the ped to open @ 8:30 to call them. Oh, I'll have to cancel my PT for today too. And then I'm getting in the shower again!!

I'll MEME too

Bolded items are things I have done:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it (Every day!)
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach (
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland (no but SO close)
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children/currently raising child
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet (a snake is NOT a pet!!)
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (if catching a fish counts)
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life (well, it was my dog, but i still saved his life)

How did it go?

Well, MIL said Stef was really scared at first but by the time it was over, she didn't want to leave. Stef told me she had fun, but hasn't mentioned it again. It's supposed to be a class to help them get comfortable being in the water. Some of the kids went under. Stef layed back in the water. That's a good step for her because she freaks if I just try to lay her back in the tub.

I hate my allergies. My nose is like a freaking fire truck. My left sinuses are completely blocked up. My ears itch. My chest feels heavy (well, heavier than usual). The pollen forecast is 6.6 today and slowly creeping up over the next 4 days. Blech.

Swimming school!

Today was Stefanie's first day of "swimming school" at the Y. MIL is taking her then stopping over here to let me know how she did. It's only 1 block away, but I don't get to take a lunch today since I'm making up time for PT appts. I should really let her get well established before I go over there and disrupt everything with my presence anyway. What a big girl!!!

Bionic doggies

I can't believe I just spent over $400 at the vet last night. Preshy had her annual checkup, plus a skin infection and an ugly looking something (probably impacted hair) on her face. And we needed Ellie's thyroid meds, and both of them are taking the incontinence pill now, and heartworm pills, and Frontline, and Keflex for Presh's skin, and some liquid stuff for her face spot. And we left with a follow up appt in two weeks. Well, at least there's no insurance company to fight with about this bill! LOL

I'm surrounded

by freakin IDIOTS! I'm having a frustrating day, which has sort of carried over from yesterday a bit.

Anyway, my boss has been putting off turning over the ordering of supplies duty for some unknown reason. I asked him about it today, and he said "you can make that change whenever you want to" WTF?

My office manager made an appointment for a client that needs the cashier for Thursday @ 4:30. HELLO! I only work until 4:30! And I cannot stay over tonight because Preshy's vet appt is tonight. So I asked if he could change the appt to just a little earlier - 15 or 20 minutes maybe. He comes back to me after talking to the client and says "I got it changed to Friday @ 4:30. I guess I should've checked with you first to make sure that's okay, huh" NICE!

The phone guy was going to come to our house today to check on a bad static in the downstairs phonejack between 2:45 and 4:45. I asked MIL yesterday if she could come up and let them in. She said Sure NP. I asked if she still has a key to the house. "YES." I asked again this morning is she sure she has a key. "YES! I'll show you if you want." "No, I believe you and I've got to run" I just got a phone call that she's at the house and this key doesn't work. She's already climbed the fence and looked for the hide-a-key, but I told her yesterday that it's not there right now. Steve must have locked himself out and used that key then left it inside (where it does a world of good!) So, MIL wants to know if maybe it's the key to the back door. "NO, the same key works all the way around the house" "Well this won't fit in the hole and the guy is waiting" "Well, I'll just have to reschedule then" Whatever, it's rescheduled for Saturday morning now.

I had called about a month ago at work to get a phone jack moved from the supply room to the cage for the postage machine. They finally came today and tell me "well that's an analog jack. IBM doesn't work on those. You'll have to call your help desk" EXCUSE ME! That's who I called and they sent YOU! Simple solution, which I wanted to do in the first freaking place - get a longer phone cord that reaches from the postage machine over to the wall and let it share the phone jack with the fax machine. The postage machine only ever needs to connect when it has to refill with postage money - like once every 2 months. WHY DON'T THEY LISTEN TO ME????

One of the brokers' intercom was apparently on auto answer. We don't know how it got that way, but she didn't want it that way since the phone automatically answered every single time somebody intercommed her, whether she wanted to talk to them or not. The dumbass (no)help-desk person I got to handle this took 30 minutes to understand wtf was going on.

"Well, that's the way a phone works. If somebody calls the broker, she can then talk to that person"

Well no shit sherlock. "Usually a person has the choice of whether they want to answer the phone though"

"Well, sure. Isn't she choosing to talk?"

"Umm, no. It's like the phone is haunted. It just answers all by itself - even in nobody is in the room"

"Well who is calling her when this happens?"

"It happens no matter who intercoms her"

"But what is this person's last name?"

What does it matter??? I could probably say George Lucas at this point and you still won't get it! "I don't know. Let's pick Smith."

"Can you hold please?"

***long time on hold***

"Let me understand what you're saying here. When Smith intercoms her, the phone rings once, then she can talk"

"Yes, but she doesn't push any buttons and Smith is already there, on speaker, whether she wanted to talk to Smith or not"

"But that's the way the phone works"

etc etc etc around and around and around

Finally I just wanted to slit my wrists and I heard the lightbulb come on. "OH! It sounds like she has it on auto answer"

"Umm, okay. How did that happen? Thru her personal website?"

"No, she would have had to call in to have that turned on"

"I'm sure she didn't. Ok, now how do we turn it off?"

"Just call in and ask for it to be turned off"

"Pleae can we have it turned off?"

"So you want the auto answer feature turned off on extension 5675?"

"Yes please"

"Can I help you with anything else today?"

give me rusty razor! "No, that about covers it!"

AAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Sesame Street Old School

I am LOVING this DVD!!

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000H6SY8C/ref=ord_cart_shr/103-3879835-7831838?%5Fencoding=UTF8&m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&v=glance

I actually remember watching these episodes on PBS when I was a preschooler and in early elementary school. I don't remember Oscar being orange, but that was just temporary. He turned green due to some vacation at a swamp or something. It was SO cute watching Stef watch these with me. She kept insisting that the orange muppet just could NOT be Oscar. Last night when we watched the current SS, she got all excited to see Oscar. "Look Daddy! It's Oscar! He's GREEN!!"

I loved seeing the number of the day counting sequence the way it used to be too. It's sort of the same song when they count up then down again. But instead of that jack-in-the-box thing, they had the numbers flying at the screen with some spacey sounds. And I had forgotten all about those crazy dots, where the one keeps turning red so they start over, then they are all red, but that one turns white again. What a rebel! LMTO! I can't wait to see more. I mean I can't wait to show more to Stef.

I'm out

The insurance company is still dicking around with the PGD claim and the deadline was today to either have an answer or pay another $5000 to the RE.

So we will sit this one out. I'm annoyed at the insurance company because they had already told me it back in Jan that it was only a formality to get it paid, but it's approved. It's all a big runaround of bullshit.

The RE said they might be doing a cycle in May, but if not, definately June.

2 am????

All week long, Stef has refused her nap at MIL's, then fallen asleep in the car on the way home. She's been down for the count and missed supper to go straight to bed. She'd been getting up at 6am, rather than 7am, which is cool since we're about to go back on daylight savings time. But this morning, she cheerfully came in our room at 2am and announced "Good morning Mommy!"

We both went potty, then back to bed. She tried, really tried, to go back to sleep for over an hour. Then she insisted that she wanted breakfast. I figured she probably was hungry from skipping supper, so down we went. When I asked her what she wanted to eat, she just asked for Max & Ruby. So that's what she got. I tried one more time to get her to go back to bed, but she still insisted she wanted breakfast. So this time I gave her a mini box of Frosted Flakes (or Snow Flakes as Stef calls them). She ate a few and cuddled up with me on the couch for more Max & Ruby. When Steve came down at 5:30, I beat tracks back to bed for a 20 minute catnap.

I don't know what's up with the 2am thing, but I sure hope its a one time fluke. I think she might have had gas pains. I accused her twice of pooping her panties, but she was clean. I wonder what MIL gave her for lunch yesterday?

Anyway, I'm a complete space case today and probably won't make much sense all day long.

I still haven't heard anything about my boot and I plan to call the insurance company later to see if there has been a decision made yet. Steve fell asleep right after I put Stef to bed last night, so we didn't get to talk about the whole IVF thing. Tonight, for sure!

Cycle update...

I'm supposed to go in this Monday for baseline US and BW. It might not happen this round though unless the insurance company makes a final decision about the PGD by Friday. It's a freaking runaround mess. The ins co says they requested medical records and just received them yesterday and sent them over for review. The RE says they've submitted the complete kit-and-kaboodle medical records at least 3 times. The RE says they submitted the change from $5000 to $2800 claim 2/23. The insur co says they don't see that but it won't matter anyway since when they review the $5000 claim, they will see that the $2200 portion was already settled and they'll disregard that part. The insur co said they will expedite the claim but can't make any promises, and really doubt that it'll be finished Friday, which is the RE's deadline.

I told Steve this morning that we need to talk about the whole IVF thing tonight. I see that we have 3 choices:

1-skip this round
2-pull $5k from a credit card again
3-ask his dad for the money

I don't like any of those choices one little bit.

Leg update: My first PT was this morning and I got yelled at for trying to walk with my foot pointed out the side. She's trying to contact my family doctor to get me a boot (which would be FABULOUS) and wants me to bring the crutches back for the next appt so she can make sure they're adjusted correctly. She thinks I have them too short. I knew not to have them up in my armpits and probably went overly-safely-low. I hope the boot will be enough. Crutches are a pain. The impinged nerve in my right shoulder is all bothered again now. My fingers keep going numb from it. That makes for a really weird sensation while typing. LOL

I HATE this!

If I use one crutch, it kills my back and sciatic, not to mention doesn't let my calf muscle rest and heal. If I use 2 crutches, the impinged nerve in my right shoulder screams and I can't carry my lunch box.

The pizza delivery girl just told me her calf muscle tear took 4 months to heal. GREAT! I don't have time for this crap!

The good news is that I found a PT that will take me tomorrow instead of next freaking Tuesday. Maybe they can help me get more comfortably mobile?? I'm not looking forward to all those PT sessions either. $20/visit for torture. Heehee. My sister the PT knows all the good torture jokes.

Partial tear of the gastrocnemius muscle

Lovely, huh? That's why I can wiggle my foot all around with no pain, but the minute that muscle tries to contract I want to scream. I think I'll remind Stef of this several times a day for the next 10 years. ;)

Doctor appt

I have a doctor appt for this afternoon to have my left calf looked at. On Saturday, Stef decided to sprint across the grocery store parking lot and I must have pulled something when I started off the chase her. It's no better today, so I'll hobble on into the doctor's office.

Doggone kid! She thought it was hilarious watching mommy hop and limp after her, all the while having a heart attack because she was running across 5 or 6 rows of parking lines/possible traffic. Maybe that's payback for me laughing at some of her antics that she didn't think were very funny?

Anyway, update later....

Urine gone

http://www.urinegone.com/ it's an enzyme that actually "eats" the urine. I like it, works pretty well. I bought it at CVS last time, in the AS SEEN ON TV section.

My mom has used this http://www.gardensalive.com/product.asp?pn=0420 and likes it better. It's a bigger bottle for half the price, but it's only available thru mailorder. I've ordered from Gardens Alive many times in the past and LOVE their stuff. Mom added an extra bottle of the stuff to her most recent order for me, but it hasn't come in yet.

Stef had her first accident free day yesterday!!!!! I had been telling her that the first day she could go accident free I had a special prize for her. So we broke it out last night - a new My Little Pony. She was just thrilled to death. She found her old pony and declared one of them as the mommy pony. Then they slept on her pillow next to her face. It was so freaking cute!