Sarah

HersheyPark Christmas Candyland

Christmas pix 07

Crazy man

Yesterday at work, we had a lunch meeting. The food was set up in the conference room like usual. One of the brokers was fixing his plate when he noticed a homeless man staring at him thru the huge picture window. Feeling uncomfortable, the broker gave the man a nervous little wave. Apparently the man took that gesture as an invitation because he then came inside, fixed himself a plate and left. I have to add at this point, that this all happened while I was at lunch.

So, okay, we did a nice thing by accident. About 20 minutes after I came back from lunch, this same man came back for 2nds. He just walked right past my window making a beeline for the food. I stopped him though.

"Sir, can I help you?"

"No. You can't help me. I just walked in"

"Sir, you need to just walk right back out"

He meandered and dawdled in the general direction of the exit. Then he started heading towards the back of the office.

"Sir, you need to leave the office. You need to leave now." He finally complied.

Later in the afternoon, one of the girls that sits in the back of the office asked me if the man had come back a 3rd time because he was standing outside the picture windows back there, staring in. That creeped me out a little.

November 2nd

Today is the 20th anniversary of my enlistment in the Air Force!! If I'd stayed in (which there's no way I could've with my back and my asthma), I could be retiring today.

It's also my step-son, Tony's birthday. I never met him, but I remember his birthday. I think it's funny, in a Karma kind of way, my ex was an extreme homo-phobe and Tony is gay! He doesn't want anything to do with his dad anyway. Last I heard from my step-daughter and BIL, Tony was moving to CA to be an actor. I often wonder about him and how he's doing now. I haven't talked to my step-daughter in about 10 yrs now either. I think they're both relationships best left alone.

Sorry

I just haven't been feeling like blogging lately. I think I'm a bit depressed because a thread on BBC made me realize I've been TTC #2 for almost 3 yrs now, which is nothing compared to some friends I know, but it is still a long time to not get results.

My SHG test Friday showed that my uterus is still normal.

HersheyPark Happy! HersheyPark Glad!

So many things to see and do. Good times to be had.

We had a really great time at Hershey! I'll get the pix up soon. They have REALLY expanded since we were there last. Now that Stef is a Hershey Kiss (rather than a Hershey Miniature like last time), there were a ton more rides for her to go on. She LOVED the log flume again. And begged to get on the Trail Blazer again. That's a smallish rollercoaster that goes more around than up and down. She was fascinated by the Big Bear (big rollercoaster). I think she has to be a Jolly Rancher before she can ride that, and it will have to be with her daddy because I just don't do big roller coasters.

She's awake now. BBL with the pix.

It's a firm date!!

This Saturday at high noon is the official move in date/time for Von & Shawn's girls!!!!! I can't even begin to express how thrilled I am!!!

Nuttin Honey

There's not much going on with me lately. Stef is great. Steve is great. MIL is still a PITA. Mom is still a PITA. Von & Shawn are still doing weekend visits with the girls waiting for a permanent date.

Next Saturday MIL is taking us to HersheyPark for the day. I hope it's hot enough outside to take Stef to the waterpark area. This is part of a County Employee's picnic thing and since MIL retired from the county Office of the Aging, she's in on it. The tix were dirt cheap and there's an all you can eat buffet that lasts most of the afternoon. It'll be fun.

That next week, I'm on vacation. No big plans except to maybe knock a few more things off my list-o-stuff-to-do.

The Saturday after that is Strasburg RR Day with Thomas thing. I think Stef (and Maura and Logan and any others....hint hint) will really enjoy that.

Request for prayers

I got this email from Shawn:

please pray today that God pulls a miracle today. The system is very frustrating at times, cause we had to take the girls back to their foster homes last night. The Lehigh case worker was sick yesterday and unavailable to approve of us keeping them. All this after such a great weekend with them, and yesterday hearing from the older two that they want to stay here and be a "forever family" with us. After many tears and explaining that we love them so much, and will be coming back for them, little Ni-Ni looked up to vonne and said "don't you want us?" i'm crying so hard right now i can hardly type..... thinking of those big brown eyes with a look of rejection... lots of sadness after such joy.... i'm literally shaking thinking she is waking up wondering where she is once again i her short life.
we need a miracle to expedite this process. i've sent this to you because i know you will pray. thank-you. shawn.

I will try to get an update of this wonderful past weekend typed up today and posted tonight or tomorrow.

Live journal

Now I'm blocked from Jeni's blog too. ACK! What could be next? Wait. I take back the question. I don't want to know. I don't want anything else to be next.

Vacation day

I spent my entire vacation day cleaning this house. I even dusted and de-cluttered my bedroom. The first dog that pees or pukes on the clean carpets is getting her little black furry butt KICKED! The first husband that overfills his coffee cup and spills it allover the clean carpets is getting CUT OFF!

I'm so proud of myself.


ps - our microwave is dead. It would cost $228 to repair it so we'll just be buying a new one soon. Meanwhile, we have the old countertop version to use.

Insurance companies suck

I’m still fighting with the insurance company about last cycle’s PGD. They’re saying $350 is the max allowable and have applied that to my deductible. Umm exsqueeze me, but last cycle they paid $1665: $350 towards deductible, $394.50 towards co-insurance (my 20%), and $920.50 paid to me. I asked to have it sent back for review and got the same answer. I asked again to have it sent back for review and reference the claim from December. It’s still in review.

I was finally able to get into the BCBS site and they are indeed submitted with different procedure codes. It looks like I will have to 1) look at what I submitted 2) wait til this claim comes out of review and 3) ask the RE to give me a billing with the original procedure code so I can resubmit and get paid. $900 is a good chunk towards the $3300 we need to come up with out of pocket for the next cycle.

I’m not sure I’d announced it anywhere, but we’re waiting til the November IVF cycle. There’s just too much going on in September. I will actually start injections in October so it’s not really waiting much longer.

Steve woke up this morning with crusty pink eyes. My ear and throat hurt like crazy and my voice (my boys lol) failed me for awhile this morning. Steve had laryngitis from Wed or Thurs last week til Sun or Mon. His ear hurt a few days ago. I guess I'm following in his germy footsteps and he's following (at least partially) in Stef's. We left a message for the CRNP yesterday. We'll see what she says after he talks to her sometime today.

Krista and Angela - It looks like the weather is going to be perfect for you Friday.

I'm trying...

I've been trying to get on the computer at home more often, but it just doesn't always work that way. I've started carrying a floppy disk with me so I can type up blog entries at work then C&P them once I get home. Friday was a horrendously busy day, so I didn't get anything typed up.

Anyway, the weekend was busy. We went to swim school, got there late because of Stef's dawdling, then she didn't want to swim anyway. Hmmm, there might be a connection there. Then we went to the Rag Shop one last time looking for parts of her Bumble Bee Halloween costume. We got the yellow bodice fabric and the black stripes. Next we went to FIL's so he could take us to the Reading Fair. It was fun, mostly. Stef started being uncooperative and having mini-meltdowns so we left before FIL was really ready to, but she just couldn't take anymore so ohwell.

Sunday was a quiet kind of a day...laundry and grocery shopping. And I seem to have lost my cell phone. I already called the grocery store, no luck. I did stop at JoAnn's to get the Tulle for Stef's bumblebee. I have to wait til they open. If they don't have it I'll have to report it as lost to Cingular. :( I tried calling it and can't hear my Cantina Band song playing in the Vue or in the house. If it were turned off or had a dead battery, it would go straight to voicemail, which it doesn't.

Anyway, in case any of you in my phone book gets a call from a stranger or you try calling me, now you know why I am not on the other end of the call.

Elisa's poll

1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
Olay and Avon bath liquids

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
not right now

3. Is there anything moldy in your refrigerator?
probably

4. Are there any dirty dishes in your sink?
yep

5. What would you change about your living room?
paint the walls and change the curtains – I have fabric to make new drapes

6. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
clean

7. Do you have a can of mushrooms in your pantry?
yes – but not in the pantry – on the shelves in the basement

8. White or wheat bread?
either

9. What is on top of your refrigerator?
my meds, playdoh, scissors, dust bunnies

10. What color is your sofa?
tan

11. What color or design is on your shower curtain?
purple stripey type pattern

12. How many plants are in your home?
4 but only because I’ve killed so many lately

13. How many candles are in your home?
5 or 6

14. Is your bed made right now?
no

15. If you have a coffee pot, what color is it?
black

16. Electric or standard can opener?
electric

27. Comet or Soft Scrub?
Soft Scrub

28. Is your closet organized?
yes, sort of

29. What color is the flashlight that you use the most?
chrome

30. What kinds of things are in your junk drawer?
tape, batteries, gas grill lighter, screwdriver, twisty ties, and a whole bunch of other crap I’d love to toss

31. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
glass

32. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
no - yuck

33. If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
of course – also on the list of places to declutter

34. Curtains or blinds?
both

35. How many pillows do you sleep with?
two

36. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
no

37. How many ceiling fans are in your home?
4 but Steve has another to hang in the living room

38. How often do you vacuum?
hahahahaha!!!

40. What color is your toothbrush?
blue/white – Braun Oral B

41. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
yes

42. What is in your oven right now?
nothing

43. Is your microwave clean or dirty?
clean

44. Is there anything under your bed?
the extra leaves to our dining room table, a box of off season clothes, and our winter comforter – also probably some dog toys and maybe a few Stef toys

45. Chore you hate doing the most?
Cleaning the bathroom

46. What retro items are in your home?
retro? How old does it have to be to be retro?

47. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
no

48. If you have a yard, who mows it?
Steve

49. Is there anything on your kitchen floor right now?
yes

50. How many mirrors are in your home?
3

51. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
yes – in my wallet

52. What color are your walls?
mostly white, peach powder room, mint green Stef’s room, purple guest room, one green wall in the dining room

53. Which rooms in your house have wallpaper?
none

54. Do you have a peephole in your front door?
no but we don’t need one with Precious

55. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
Just Precious and my lightsabers

56. What does your home smell like right now?
dog

57. Fave candle scent
cinamon

58. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
dill

59. Who are in the pictures you displayed?
Stef, me, Steve, Presh, Ellie, my sister, mom, and neice, Steve’s mom and dad

60. What color is your favorite bible?
black

61. Do you have plenty of cabinet space in your kitchen?
yes

62. Ever been on your roof?
no

62. Do you own a stereo?
yes

63. How many tvs do you have?
3

64. How many house phones?
4

65. Do you have a housekeeper?
LMTO

66. What style do you decorate in?
eclectic

67. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
solid

68. Is there a smoke detector in your home?
7

68. In case of fire, what are the items you would grab if you only could make one quick trip?
Stef, Presh, photo albums

69. Do you know how to work your electrical box?
yes

70. What temperature in your home is most comfortable to you?
69

Last one, I promise

even more Sarah

more Sarah

Sarah with Freznel Lenz

A few recent pix

update

The only new news I have on Teresa is that she's still hanging in there. Her doctor said he's never had a patient survive this operation. They brought her out of the coma. Steven and his girlfriend Leslie were in visiting her, then left so Cindy could go in (only 2 at a time allowed). T told Cindy that there was a doctor and nurse in moments ago that looked just like Steven and Leslie. ROFLMTO! Classic Teresa. Oh, and Wendy said she has Beurgers Disease (or syndrome or whatever) and hadn't found out much online about it yet. I'll look for it tomorrow.

I'm still hacking up a lung. It's only getting worse. I had to promise my mom that I'd go to the doctor tomorrow if it's not better. I just started taking Robitussin dexamethoraphan pills tonight. I don't notice it giving my cough much supression yet. It's ironic. I returned an unopened bottle of those pills after Ellie passed. Those were for preventing the ramp up of her pain.

I have some video clips of Sarah (my neice) singing with Freznel Lenz last night. I will try to post them and a slideshow a bit later but it's thundering right now, so....toodles!

My friend Teresa Mae

I've been friends with Teresa since 1978. I started out being friends/penpals with her older sister Cindy, but got closer to Teresa. I'm still friends with Cindy and their brother Bubba (they're from Richmond), too. We all spent a lot of summers together since their dad was married to my friend Wendy. Even after they divorced, I went down to VA one summer and Teresa came up to PA for the whole summer in 1983.

She's so funny and such a cool chick. Even though she's 4 years younger than me, I wanted to be like her but protect her like a little sister at the same time. As the years after that summer of 83 passed, we fell out of contact, only touching base with each other once every few years, then not really at all when I was with my ex. (Isolation is the most important tool of an abuser). After I came home from the Air Force and made contact with Wendy again, she urged me to try and get in touch with my VA pals again, at least for the sake of her younger son, Steven, who is their half-brother. Amazingly, I can STILL remember their mom's phone number, although she's since moved and gotten a new number.

I called one day and Brenda answered! This was about 2 weeks before Teresa's wedding and they were SO glad I'd called. We were all invited to the wedding, for which we happily drove 3 hrs south. It still makes me cry to think that my memory of that phone number helped reunite a family. It was extremely emotional for me to watch Cindy and Steven dance at the reception, talking and crying. Steven had thought they'd all forgotten and abandoned him. Cindy had tried for years to find Steven, with no luck.

Anyway, contact was very sparse again with me. I invited them all to my wedding in 97 but none of them came. I sent Christmas cards and never got any back. So, I really stopped trying.

Earlier this spring, Wendy asked me to meet her, Steven and his 2 children, Cindy and her 2 daughters, and Cindy's grandson at the Arby's. It was really great seeing Cindy again. She brought me up to date on Teresa too. As a kid, they'd thought T might have had epilepsy. Turns out she has some strange clotting disorder and had probably actually had mini-strokes when they thought she was having a seizure. By this point in her life, she had a diagnosis of MS, 3 or 4 full blown strokes, a wonderful 7 yr old son (described by Cindy as a miracle baby because T should not have been able to conceive, let alone carry a baby), and a LOT of frustration in not being able to do what she wanted to do as fast as she thought she should be able to. "Everything takes too damn long" is her favorite saying lately.

Two days ago, Wendy called to let me know that Teresa is in the hospital. She had another stroke while on vacation at Nags Head, but refused to go to any of the local hospitals. So they brought her home and took her to the ER in Richmond. There was 100% blockage in her blood vessel (I assume in one going to her brain - Wendy isn't sure). The doctors told her husband that they had 2 choices. 1) Operate immediately and then have no guarantee of how long she'd live or 2) don't operate and she'd be dead within 30 minutes. So they took off about half of her skull to relieve pressure on her brain. Her skull is sewn into her abdomen, to keep the tissue and bone alive. She's in a drug induced coma. They brought her out of it long enough to ask if she could move her hands and feet and if she could hear them. All of those were a YES, so that's a good sign. They put her back in the coma, because it's apparently quite painful to have your skull stored in your belly. They're waiting for the brain swelling to go down before doing anything else. She currently has a 50/50 shot at surviving.

If you're the praying type, please pray for her and her family. Even though I'm not really close anymore, I still love her like a little sister. And her son deserves to have a mom longer than 7 years. I'll update as I get info from Wendy.

The threat now has a date

I may be MIA as of Thursday. Mother Merrill will be blocking internet access to sites with chat functionality, email, message boards and clubs, gaming, and objectionable content starting open-of-busines Thursday. I'll sure try, that's for sure!

I don't wanna go to school today!!

Okay, make that to work, but it's what I was whining this morning. Steve is staying home sick today. Stef was sneezing all day Thursday, then woke up with a snoot full of snot Friday (which cancelled the swimming, but we just went to Lori's house and hung out for a few hours, which was very nice and relaxing except that I hate her ;) ) Now it seems that Steve has whatever Stef has plus he has body aches and an upset stomach too. His boss has it too and so was very understanding about calling off.

Here is an update on the to-do list:

X yard cleanup
living room declutter
bedroom declutter
sewing
paint stairwell
/ paint powder room (almost finished - just need to do a little more sponging and then the trim)
X run the chipper for Omi
X defrost chest freezer
pantry cleanout/reorganize
X type up insurance list for Omi
X change light shade for Omi
X help MIL pack
X go swimming with ex-co-worker Fri pm

Not too shabby! I'll work on the rest as time allows (HA!!!)

Vacation to-do list

Day 1 - I slept in til 9am. Ahhhhhh. I crossed off Running the chipper for Omi - only because I couldn't get the damned thing started. Omi came up to my house and planted a few things she'd been saving for me but didn't trust to give me until she KNEW they'd get planted. I've killed several gift plants by taking the home and letting them sit on the patio til they were dead.

Day 2 - I got up by 8am. Still ahhhhhhh. I cleaned up the kitchen and worked on the laundry til Stef woke up. We ate breakfast and I took her to school. I got the rest of the yard cleanup finished, or at least as much as I can do this week since we're limited to 3 bags of trash/week. I did more laundry and started painting the powder room. I decided on 2 shades of peach. I asked Steve for his input and he could really care less what color is on the walls...so it's ALL MINE!!! I got the first coat on the medicine cabinet, then it was time to get Stef.

Day 3 - I vacuumed the downstairs, then Stef and I went to MIL's to help her pack (for the 7th house since I met her 10 yrs ago!!!). We packed for about 2 hrs then ate lunch and got ready to go to the pool in her trailer park. We spent about 2 hrs there. It was really fun, once I got Stef to go in the big pool with me, rather just splashing around in the baby pool. She did really well, even being a Klingon the whole time.

Day 4 - I slept in til 9:30!! And Stef didn't get up til 10:30! Holy crap! Swimming can really take it out of a person. Late breakfast and one load of laundry later, I took her to school. We got there just in time for nap time. Of course she started to pitch a fit when I tried to leave so I sat down next to her nap cot and rubbed her back but really doubted a nap would happen because of sleeping so late. When Miss Milly (the helper) came back in the room, we talked and she offered Stef to go play with the computer so I could leave. Worked like a charm! Now, here I sit, thinking about how many things are left on my list and knowing I have to pick up Stef around 3:30 or 4 so we can go take MIL out for her birthday dinner. I also have to call the pedi dentist to schedule her tooth-filling ordeal, now that I checked and found out that is a normal/standard way of doing it. I'll be heading down to do some more painting and hopefully will get to vac the upstairs and defrost the chest freezer in the next 2 hours. HA!

Here is the list:

X yard cleanup
living room declutter
bedroom declutter
sewing
paint stairwell
paint powder room
X run the chipper for Omi
defrost chest freezer
pantry cleanout/reorganize
type up insurance list for Omi
change light shade for Omi
X help MIL pack
go swimming with ex-co-worker Fri pm

Ambitious little vacationer, aint I?

Vacation

I'm on vacation all next week. Not going anywhere though. I have a to-do list that I'd like to make a dent in. We're supposed to go swimming with a former co-worker that Friday. That's the only day I have firm plans (unless Ang wants to do something Monday). Of course, Murphy's Law takes over and MIL asks if I can come let the movers in her house and point out which things they're supposed to take - Friday afternoon! She's trying to find someone else, but it made me feel like shit to say we had plans. She's helped us out with things like that many times and I hate letting anyone down, even her. Sigh...I might still do it and just go swimming a little later in the afternoon.

More threats...

Just in case I disappear, it's because they're talking about blocking all the fun websites again. The rollout is supposed to be finished by the end of August.

They say about having a legitimate business need for unblocking sites....is maintaining sanity a legit business need?

And on the infertility front....

This last cycle was positively devastating. I was SO sure it was going to work. I had myself believing that Ellie's death was wrapped up in a new baby's arrival.

I hope this doesn't offend any of you who've had a "real" miscarriage, but that's how I feel about the 2 failed IVF's. That they were really miscarriages. I knew they were both boys. I knew they were healthy growing embryos. And yet, I couldn't carry them. I'm starting to think I just can't carry boys - like Crystal feels she can't carry girls. Who knows.

I went thru an almost total shutdown this time. I couldn't talk to anybody about it, not even Steve or Angela, my mom or Von. I resent my body. I resent myself for waiting so long. I resent the people who tell me to just be happy with my one perfect little daughter. I resent my thoughtless MIL for practically insisting we go visit her sister's new grandson and then talking so much about him when she came over to our house.

I can't just turn off the baby fever or the feeling that my family is just not yet complete. I'm very tired of all the poking, prodding, ultrasounds, injections, running to the doctor's office. Well, I was anyway.

I talked to Von at length on Friday. Von is Stef's godmother, childless, older than me by 5 or 6 yrs, and just as desperate for children. She and Shawn are in the middle of the adoption process. I guess she helped put things in perspective for me. I do have one more chance. The insurance will pay for one more IVF. She and Steve both think we should use that one more chance or I'd forever wonder what if...

I had to decide, too, whether to use my own sad eggs, or accept the offer of egg donation from either 1 or 2 of my dear friends. The insurance treats an egg donation cycle the same as an IVF cycle with my own eggs. It would count as my 3rd of the 3 they'll pay for. I'm going for it, with my own eggs. It's what feels right. I will likely try for the next cycle at the RE in the week of Sept 10. I just have to take that next step of calling and talking to them.

Expired

I finally figured out yesterday that my rescue inhaler expired last fall. Hmmm. Suddenly when I switched to a newer one (that expires next month), my breathing is improving. If all else fails, read the instructions!

I'm pretty sure I have a sinus infection/bronchitis/asthma attack all going on here so I'll finally (sigh) call the doctor. I was trying to explain to Steve yesterday why I hate going to the doctor so much. My older brother Kenny, died of viral pneumonia when he was 5 weeks old. Out of a knee jerk panic reaction (not that I blame her), my mom rushed me to the doctor for every little sniffle my whole childhood. I just don't like going now. I won't even think about calling until I can't stand myself.

If they'd been open yesterday, I'd have been calling. I had a bad asthma coughing fit when I got up that lasted a good 15 minutes. Exhausting.


UPDATE: I just got back from the doctor's office. They don't see any signs of infection (inflamation, etc) so she's gonna call it a virus. It's like a cold but lasting longer. She gave me a Rx for Amoxicillan that she said she'd encourage me NOT to fill (which I don't think I can take anyway being allergic to Penicillan). And a big fat NO to taking Prednisone too, unless I get worse. So, it was basically a THANKS FOR THE TWENTY BUCKS appt. Bleh!

Oh, the drainage!

That was supposed to sound like Dr Smith on the old Lost in Space saying "Oh, the pain!" Oh well, it made me chuckle.

I've been awake since about 3am, choking on sinus drainage and coughing up a freaking lung. I should have just gone down to lay on the recliner part of the couch so I would be propped up. I guess I kept hoping it would magically stop so I wouldn't have to get out of my cozy bed. I suppose the lack of sleep was worth it in the long run. If I had gone to the couch, I wouldn't have gotten *wink-wink nudge-nudge say-no-more* this morning. LOL

Stef is simply not a morning person, but what do I expect with Steve and I as her parents. She is either a bear waking up and getting dressed or a bear to get in the car and to whatever sitter or daycare she's going to that day. Today, she was a bear to get up and get dressed. "I don't want to wear that shirt! I don't want panties! I don't want those shorts! I want to sleep!" As soon as I got her downstairs and told her to pick out which shoes she wanted to wear, she was happy as a clam. It was the complete opposite yesterday. It's so hard being 3.

Done deal

Ok Suzy Q. I deleted the link, but now I really can't remember the name of yours.

And the tears fall again

But these were grateful tears. To the sweet ladies who got together and sent me this wonderful gift

THANK YOU!!!!

I just can't express how it made me feel to open that box and see the angel and locket. Here are the pictures:

The inscriptions are as follows:
With the locket --> Since Heaven has become your home, I sometimes feel I'm so alone And though we now are far apart you hold a big piece of my heart. I never knew how much I'd grieve when it was time for you to leave, or just how much my heart would ache from that one frangment you would take. God lets this tender hole remain reminding me we'll meet again, and one day all the pain will cease when He restores this missing piece. He'll turn to joy my every tear, with thoughts of you I hold so dear, and they'll become my special way to treasure our Reunion Day.

On the angel's dress --> Every creature of God is good. I Timothy 4:4 Bless you my faithful friend, God's gift. Your beautiful trusting eyes can close knowing I love you and will see you soon.

When I unwrapped it, Stef was awestruck. She gasped and said "look mommy, an angel" I told her it was to help us remember Ellie.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I just can't say enough about how much this means to me, Steve, and Stef.

So nice to share

It's so nice that Stef shared her cold with Steve and me. Really. It made for a very nice relaxing weekend with minimal errand running. I got laryngitis out of the deal too. I was trying to tell Stef that my voice was hurt and I couldn't talk very much. She thinks I was saying my BOYS are hurt. ROFLMTO!!!! I got it back a bit yesterday. Around 2pm, Stef finally noticed that I was talking above a whisper. She shouted "Mommy!! You got your boys back!!" Too funny.

I remembered her other imaginary friend.... Myrna. Not a common name. I can't figure out where she got it from. I had a friend named Myrna while I was in Panama, but haven't had contact with her for about 10 yrs now. Is there some kids' show character named Myrna that I'm unaware of??? Maybe on PBS? I don't watch those shows with her.

I also remembered her other 2 cutey things....We were driving past Schreiber Pediatrics and they had their HUGE rubber ducky out because their Rubber Ducky Race fund raiser is coming up soon. Stef saw it and started saying quack quack. I said "Well a duck that big wouldn't just say quack quack. He'd say QUACK QUACK!!" (using a loud deep monster-y voice) So now Stef keeps going around saying "QUACK QUACK" in that big voice. Funnier in person. Hmmm, and that fast, I've forgotten the 2nd cutey thing.

**whistle whistle** Here brain! Come back brain! Sometimes I scare myself.

Even more heartbroken

I read a spoiler for one of the SW books coming out this summer. It had spoilers for the next book, which I haven't cracked open yet. I'm SO sad. They're killing off Luke's wife!!! I just know I'm gonna cry like I did when they killed off Chewie. Dammit! I just love Mrs Skywalker!! Next thing that would break my heart would be killing off the last 2 surviving Barabel Jedi - Saba and Tesar. I can see why they're killing Mara, but it still SUCKS big hairy Wookiee balls.

Well, Stef made it til 11:00. Daycare called and said her fever was coming back (only 100 at the time) and she was just crying. She was fine all morning, including when they whacked a pinata, but all the sudden, she burst into tears. So I called MIL to go get her, as was the plan. No answer. No answer at home. No answer on the cell. No answer, no answer, no answer. For 20 minutes I tried, but then gave up and decided to go get her myself. I checked with my mom to make sure she felt up to watching Stef for the afternoon. She has the cold too, but said okay.

Well, 3/4 of the way to daycare, MIL calls - she was out cutting the grass. Murphy's Law strikes again.

I told my mom to rest up today because she has Stef all day tomorrow and took Stef to MIL's. Poor baby actually asked to go take a nap.

Definately a cold

Blah! All 3 of us have a cold now. Steve isn't being too big of a baby about it. Stef came home from MIL's with 102 temp and went to bed early with no fuss. That allowed Steve and I to go to bed early too. She didn't wake once, but neither of us got good sleep - kept waking up every hour or so. Stef's temp was only 99 today and she was happy enough, so I sent her to daycare. She had a small meltdown once we got there - something about wanting to use the big potty at school. Neither I or Miss Beth knew what in the world she was talking about. I asked her to take me to this big potty so we wandered the hallway for a minute, then I convinced her to use the regular 3-yr-old's potty. Whatever. I told them that if she gets too whiney or gets a high fever again, to call me and I'll have Grammie go pick her up. I think MIL was a bit disappointed that I left it that way instead of just sending her straight to her house, but oh well.

Preshy is still seeming a bit depressed. We expected as much. It cheers her up that we can go for walks again, although nobody felt up to taking her for one last night. She's a reasonably good girl...if you can ignore that slow leak that seems to whine out of her almost all the time. She's funny; very vocal. I thought I'd gotten a little video of her "talking" to me, but I must not have pressed the button on the camera. Duh. I'll try again soon.

Cold or Allergies?

Steve and I have both been sneezing like crazy and have really sore throats. Von said she was sneezing all day yesterday too. I'm hoping it's just allergies. I don't feel like being sick on top of everything else.

Stef keeps asking to go to Logan's house. Then she'll point out some random house along the road and say "There's Logan's house" or "There's Mary's house". There is another name she comes up with every once in awhile too, but I can't think of it right now. She had a bit of a rough night last night. She was up twice to get me to just go lay down with her, then at 3am-ish, she got me up so she could go potty. She peepee'd, then left a great big stinker. Now she was complaining about her belly hurting. I told her to try to go poopy and it would feel better, but she just couldn't. I laid in her bed the rest of the morning. When I got her up, she said again about her belly hurting, and this time she was able to go....alot! I don't know if she ate something yesterday that disagreed with her. At home, she only had 2 strawberries, a pretzel, mac & cheese, and a little keilbasa. I'll have to check with the daycare.

MIL left a message on our machine yesterday saying that Steve's cousin, who just gave birth about 2 months ago, will be in town this weekend, and it would be really nice if we could make the time to go visit her and the baby. Once again, she speaks without thinking. Ummm, a newborn is one of the last things I want to see right now. Steve explained it to her, but I don't know what her reaction was. Don't really care either.

One of Stef's favorite movies right now is Dumbo. The one line keeps playing in my head over and over. Timothy Mouse was talking to Dumbo. "Your ma's not crazy. She's just broken-hearted" I feel a little of both this week.

An ok weekend

Stef's swim school started up again Saturday. MIL sounded hurt that I would schedule the class for a Saturday (so I could participate and Steve could watch and maybe participate sometime) rather than on a Wednesday. How dare I plan that with the YWCA! Anyway, she was a little afraid at first, but then really got into it. Miss Anna is really nice, but honestly, she's just not as charismatic or interactive as Miss Chris was.

There was another kid in class that screamed and cried almost the whole time "I want out! I don't like the water" As soon as class was over, Stef started screaming and crying "I want back in!! I want in the water!" Funny kids!

After swim school, we stopped at Home Depot and then went home. Grabbed lunch (Steve suggested Taco Bell - I think because he knows how much I love it and how low I'm feeling), took Presh and Stef for a walk, and headed to FIL's for the Apple Dumpling Festival. He bought Stef an all-you-can-ride wristband. Little did we know that those expired at 5pm, but Stef definately got her worth out of it. She rode an airplane ride and then the little choochoo train ride. As we stood there watching her on the train, I looked around and found myself surrounded by preggo's. Steve saw it too and held me close. God bless his heart. He's trying so hard for me.

Next ride was the Dumbo type ride. Well, that scared the crap out of her. She didn't want any more rides after that...until I showed her the big sliding board. I went with her on that one and she kept asking to go again. When I'd had enough, Steve went down with her. FIL would have liked to, but can't with his vertigo. I talked her into riding the merry go round once, as long as I was standing next to her. We walked around and played a couple of games. Stef even won a prize (mardi gras beads) for throwing softballs semi-near a pile of blocks. We didn't even pay for that game. I just asked if she could throw for no prize. The dude let her have the beads anyway (it was the last day of the festival). I had to have an apple dumpling with ice cream. It was delish.

Sunday morning I got to sit and read the newspaper in relative quiet. Then MIL called and wanted us to come see her new house. It was open until 4 for open house. Steve measured for miniblinds and curtains and some spaces to see if certain furniture items would fit. I really like it. It's cute, has a nice layout, and is new construction. She even has a 2 car garage, not attached to the house, but about 5 steps from the back door. And LHOP is helping with the closing costs and a downpayment! Then she informs us, that even with the LHOP help, her monthly expenses will be about $100-$150 higher than at the trailer, but "at least I'll be building equity" AGH! I don't think I even want to go there.

MIL took us out for lunch as a thank you for Steve's work-yet-to-be-done - hanging the blinds, etc. It was delish but I ate way too much. That tends to happen to me whenever I eat out Italian. Then we went for groceries and I was freaking surrounded again. I just hurried to finish and went home to hide on the couch for awhile. I even took a nap while Steve and Stef watched Bandi II (Bambi). I went out back so Stef could play on the playground for awhile. I got a little (VERY little) gardening done. If we all get home at a decent hour tonight, I should be able to go out and do a bit more. The vegetable garden in full of weeds again. And I'm still working on spring cleanup stuff.

Well that blows all my theories right out of the water.

The test is negative. I don't feel like talking about it yet. Thanks f0r all the prayers and support.

Noon

That's what they told me. I should hear from them by noon with my results. Tick tock tick tock

It's been an honor

It has truly been an honor to be Ellie's mommy for 4-1/2 yrs. She was a phenomenally good dog. We will miss her quirky way of HAVING to have something (a shoe, a toy, a piece of paper, a TV remote, whatever she could quickly find) in her mouth when she got excited. Also, we'll miss how she always sucked on her blanket, sort of like she was nursing. Her bark was distinctively different than Preshy's. It felt very weird to be in the house without her last night.

Steve was already crying at home when we were getting her ready to go. I'd cried pretty much all day and was cried out just then. Presh was a bit freaked out that we put her back in the crate but took Ellie out to the Vue. I rode in the very back cargo section with Ellie, partly to keep her stable and safe, partly because I wanted to be very close to her for the ride. Margot had a blanket already set up in the grass waiting for us. Steve picked Ellie up to get her out of the Vue. Margot explained exactly what was going to happen, what might happen and why. We got Ellie on the blanket and put her own holey blanket with her too, along with one of her favorite squeak toys. Margot drew some blood, then we layed Ellie down. In a few minutes, she gave her the injection. Ellie was still, but kept looking around for a few seconds. I was holding her head and talking to her. Steve was petting her neck and ears. She actually closed her eyes, which is apparently not the norm. I told her to be sure and send me a sign that she's okay once she gets there. And that my friend Jill was sending her dog Max (who passed last year) to meet her and show her the ropes. I know my mom's dogs Gretchen and Charlotte would meet her there too.

It didn't take long. She stopped breathing, then her heart stopped beating. Margot stayed with us for awhile, then let us have our privacy to say our goodbyes. Poor Margot had a doctor appt that we made her late for. She said she didn't mind, she had her priorities straight. (God bless that woman!!) We stayed with Ellie alot longer than she actually stayed with us. Neither of us wanted to leave her, but the storm clouds were building. We told the vet tech that we were finished, so she could take care of her body.

I had to drive because Steve was too much a mess to even see straight. We talked and cried all the way to his mom's to pick up Stef. Amazingly, we both pulled ourselves together just in time to be strong for Stef. We went home and ate a pizza. Stef never even asked where was Ellie. I guess she'd gotten used to Ellie laying quietly upstairs in our bedroom most of the time. At bedtime, Steve sat with us as I read the Rainbow Bridge to Stef. At first, she didn't understand, but then accepted it. This morning, when we were giving Presh her goodbye treat, was the next time she asked about Ellie. I asked if she remembered what we'd talked about. She said, in all her 3 yr old innocence, "Oh, that's right. She go to Jesus. And go play on the rainbow bridge!!" I think it helped her (and me) to know that we'll see sweet Ellie again one day, but that she'll play and run and be happy until that day.

Until then, we'll miss her terribly and do our best to honor her memory.

It's time

Ellie's appointment is tonight at 6:oo. Margot refuses to go to homes to do this kind of thing. She hasn't for 15 years because they've all been disasters. She won't even do it for her own mother or sister. She needs a vet tech or 2 to help get the IV catheter in and older dogs tend to have hard-to-hit blood vessels. The few times she did it turned into very traumatic events with 10-20 attempts to stick the vein. It should be a peaceful time for all involved.

So it was a choice between calling a vet van and having a stranger do it at home or having someone who loves Ellie do it away from home. Margot said we can do it in their pretty little garden or down by the stream outside the vet office, so Ellie doesn't get all freaked out going in the office.

Stef will go back to MIL's right after her dentist appointment. Steve and I will go home and get Ellie. I will sit in the back of the Vue and hold her so she doesn't hurt herself. Then we'll pick Stef up after it's done. I'll read this to her tonight:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

It's probably crazy, I know, but the thought that stuck with me as I lay on the floor with her last night, was that I'm trading a life for a life. I always knew Ellie would gladly give her life for our family. I just never imagined it would be like this...her crossing the bridge so that a baby boy can come to us. What a good dog she is!

Totally weird Saturday

Saturday was just a weird stressful day. It started with Ellie having a really really rough night again. Then Stef woke up at 7:30am when I was hoping for at least 8 or 8:30. Well, as long as I'm up, we may as well go to the cool sounding yardsales Omi found in the paper.

When we picked her up, we went around the block like usual, to get back to the main road. Some crazy Mustang came screaming up the street, turned onto the street where I was waiting at the stop sign, and very nearly side swiped my car! My mom let loose with a few choice phrases, for which I scolded her and better NOT hear coming out of Stef's mouth.

Next, Stef decides to dart out of the driveway of the last sale we were at, right into the road. TG, no cars were coming, but we had the big "don't you EVER do that again" talk again.

After yardsaling was over, we went home and ate lunch (Stef was hungry and I was shaking). Now, all during this time, Steve had been at Kellogg's to get fitted for a new uniform company. What I didn't know is that he went to the mall after the fitting and hadn't eaten. He was just coming home when I was leaving to take Omi home. When I told him that we'd already eaten, he got sort of pissy with me. I said "I didn't know when you'd be home and I was shaking! Go make yourself something! There are leftovers in there." I know he got very little sleep too, but come on! I got up at LEAST an hour before he did. Grumpy grumpy grump. That's really pretty unusual for Steve.

I dropped Omi off with no further incident. We all piled on the couch for some quiet time and got a little rest. All the tension seemed to be gone now. So we decided it was time to go get the groceries. It was incident free until I got Stef out of the TreeHouse play area. Steve had gone to get the car and load the groceries up. Stef came out the treehouse door and promptly slipped away from me in a big crowd. I could still see her but couldn't get thru to grab her hand. Next thing I know, she's looking at me with that twinkle in her eye and that devilish grin on her face. I yelled "Don't you dare!" and then she darted...into the busy parking lot...the same freaking parking lot where she darted last time and I tore my calf muscle chasing her down. I didn't tear anything this time and caught her really quickly. I reached out and grabbed the top of her head, effectively tackling her. She skinned her leg and started bawling. So I scooped her up and had the talk again. OI! It's a good thing she's so cute!

Then twice, in quick succession, we were almost in 2 separate car accidents on the way home! I just wanted to crawl into bed and not leave the house again!

The other weird thing was that the little girl who was in TreeHouse with Stef asked if I was her mommy. I said yes and then she wanted to know where Stef's little brother was. **cue Twilight Zone music**

Sweet story

A fellow doberman owner/lover told me this story about her sweet Sierra who has already crossed over the rainbow bridge. Her 2 children are just a bit older than Stef. She said reading the Rainbow Bridge poem to them really helped them understand after Sierra passed away. Then one day, they were out in their yard. The sky was crystal clear blue, not a cloud to be seen. Her 5 yr old son came running "Look mom! Come look!" There was one puffy white cloud, shaped sort of like a dog bone in the sky. He said "Look mom! Sierra is waving to us!" Of course she was bawling her eyes out. The story made me cry too.

Stef stats

From Wednesday's pedi appt:

38" tall (75%)

35-3/4 lbs (75%)

I still dispute that weight. She feels MUCH heavier than that!

Baby Blob

One bad day does not a Rainbow Bridge make.

Ellie is eating happily and acting normally again. Margot said we can up her meds again. My good friend Teresa told me about a conversation she had with a human bone cancer patient. Apparently, just 15 minutes late on a dose will make for a very bad day, maybe even a very bad week. Bad days are allowed. Bad days in a row are not allowed.

Steve and I did have a bit of a talk about it last night, but he's preoccupied. His Air Conditioning Certification test is today and he feels very unprepared. The boss is going to go over the book with the guys this morning, then the test is this afternoon. If he doesn't pass, the test fee ($100) will come out of his paycheck. He knows what he's doing, he's just not a great test taker, so he's worried. It's not an easy test either. I almost had to take it in the Air Force, but was too close to getting out to have it be a requirement. Anyway, we shall talk more about Miss Ellie Bean tonight or tomorrow.

Stef starts "school" Monday. She's so excited! MIL is sad but I think relieved at the same time. It was just too much for her, never any down time.

Poor baby girl

I feel SO horrible. Neither of us got home until almost 7pm last night, so we missed giving Ellie her late afternoon meds. Poor girl. She must have been in too much pain to do anything. She wouldn't eat. She pee'd and poo'd on the floor upstairs. When I made her come downstairs to try eating, she wanted to go outside. So, there she lay in a corner of the yard and refused to budge, even when it started raining again. She had SUCH a rough night. I gave her an extra percoset around 2am, and it took her at least 20 minutes to get settled after that. Her back leg is looking very thin. She was breathing pretty hard last night too. So we think it's spreading up the leg and in her lungs.

I was convinced last night that she was telling us it was time. I cried the whole time I was laying with Stef for bedtime. I cried when I came back to our room and laid on the floor rubbing her velvety ears. I couldn't sleep worth a crap, even when she did settle down.

Then she surprised us both this morning by scarfing down her breakfast and looking more perky than usual lately. She's allowed to have a bad day here and there, but she really scared the crap out of us both. Doggone rollercoaster.

PGD Test Results

Just don't tell Steve, okay?

embryo # XY 13 15 16 17 18 21 22 Interpretation

1 XX 2 2 3 2 3 3 3 complex abnormal

3 XX 3 1 1 2 2 1 2 complex abnormal

4 XY 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 NORMAL

5 X0 2 1 2 1 2 2 3 compex abnormal


#1 was a girl with trisomy 16, 18, 21, and 22
#3 was a girl with trisomy 13 and monosomy 15,16, and 21
#4 is the one that got transferred to me
#5 was a nothing I guess or a girl with only one X and trisomy 22 and monosomy 15 and 17

Trisomy 13 would miscarry.

Trisomy 18 is Edwards Syndrome (like Linda's friend's baby) in which about half die in utero, half of live-borns only live til 2 months and only 5-10% survive their first year of life.

Trisomy 21 is Downs Syndrome.

I checked Wikepedia for the other chromosones and it was WAY over my head.

Recent pictures

Final count

There were 4 embryos and 1 was genetically sound for implantation. I've done my 24 hrs bedrest but am going to take it easy the rest of today. I won't lift ANYTHING heavier than my purse until June 21...the date of my pg test.

Ellie isn't looking so good lately, at least according to MIL and my good friend Von. I guess I don't see it since I see her every day. I know she's looking thin in the waist area and she's having a harder time getting comfortable. I don't think it'll be much longer for my sweet girl.

Embryo update

We ended up with 4 embryo's. The PGD is being done today and we'll know tomorrow morning whether we have any good ones. For comparison's sake, last time, we had 5 embryo's and only one genetically sound one for transfer.

Convo with the Ultrasound Tech

Ha! This morning during my u/s, I was discussing with the tech how can she tell the difference between the follicles. To me, it looked like she measured the same folly several times, but she assures me they were different. She said I was relatively easy to read, compared to someone with 25 follies on each side. HOLY SITH SPAWN!! 25?!?! I asked if that was a hyper-stimulation, she said "no, just someone younger". Sheesh! If I feel this full and bloated with 10-12 follicles, I'd hate to feel what that younger person feels like with 50 freaking follies!!

Anyway, my 10-12 are big enough that I'll be taking my HcG shot tonight. Steve will get lucky tonight too. :) wink wink nod nod saynomore saynomore But then he's cut off til his appointment with Penthouse/Playboy Wednesday morning. I'll have to take an HPT tomorrow morning and should get a BFP, but it's just caused by the shot. MEAN MEAN MEAN to make me do that! My egg retrieval will be Wednesday morning. I'll be on bedrest after that. The genetic test will be done over the weekend and the transfer will hopefully be next Monday, followed by another day of bedrest.

WooHoo! I'm pretty excited now that I have some firm dates!!!

Hallam (or is it Hellam?) Days

Hallam/Hellam is a little town on Koren's side of the SqwakyAnna that can't make up it's mind which way to spell itself. I've seen it spelled one way on certain signs and the other on other signs. Either way, Saturday was Hellam/Hallam Days - the whole town has a yardsale.

Omi went along and, of course, bought 2 baby dolls for Stef ($0.25 each). She's just thrilled beyond words to have a little one that loves playing dollies again. The names of the babies.....Luke and Leia! Wahoooooooooooo! And MIL hates it. Bwaahaaahaaaahaaa.

The calm after the storm

I feel much better today. I made sure I took a happy pill last night. I even had a civil conversation with the supervisor today. I told him that if I ever start another conversation with words like "hormonal" or "pissy" that he should just tell me I'm not rational today and we can continue the coversation another time.

Ellie had an okay night last night. No problems.

My estradiol level was 678 today and my 8 follicles were 13-14 in size (mm I guess). I have another bw/us appt Monday at 9. After that appt, I will know when retrieval is - either Wed 6th or Thurs 7th. Then the transfer will be either Mon 11th or Tues 12th. It depends on the follicle sizes Monday and whether they want to let them grow another day or not.

Everyone has a breaking point

Here's mine.

***Warning - especially to Jeni's sensitive eyes LOL - I'm pissed and I've used the F word multiple times in this post****

It's a full moon tonight, so I have to blame some of this on the moon. It's been a stinky 24 hrs.

1-Last night, I forgot to take the mail and UPS out to the boxes for work.

2-I talked to Margot about Ellie's rough night and she said if it happens again, just to give her another pain pill and if that doesn't help her in 20-30 minutes, to give her another, etc. At this point, she has a terminal disease and if we OD her on pain pills to keep her comfortable, then so be it. I told her I'd wondered about that myself, how many pills would do that? She doesn't know since she's never intentionally OD'd a dog before. Anyway, Ellie had a pretty good night last night without extra pills.

3-MIL practically burst into tears this morning when we very briefly discussed daycare. I told her we need her to pick a day, she says she'd like Monday's off so she can have a 3 day weekend every other week. I said 'no, we need you to pick a day that you WANT Stef' Oh! I'll only have her one day a week! I'm going to go thru withdrawal!! And there were the tears. She tried to stifle them saying that Stef will like going to school. I said yes, she's going to love it. She's been practically begging to go to school for months now. It's all about Stef.

4-About 15 minutes after I handed out the c&p'd (because it was too long to fit on one page of paper) office calendar, one of the guys asked me to add him to the Dude-of-the-day mix...which would mean re-doing the whole damn thing and I worked hard on that sucker! So I told him it was too late for this month, but I'd add him for July. As far as I know, he doesn't even have his production number yet, so WTH? Well, he must have cried to the boss because he made me change it. The good part of that is that I shrank fonts, etc enough to make it all fit on one piece of paper. So much for the HOUR I worked on it yesterday!

5-I forgot my happy pill last night

6-I'm so full of injected hormones that I've been sort of on the edge the past few days anyway.

7-Steve keeps asking me when is the day he will have to take off work for the egg retrieval. I keep telling him I DON'T KNOW! ASK MY OVARIES!!

8-I was still stewing about a comment my supervisor made last night and I'm really personally crushed about it. He said the girls here HATE covering for me when I'm out of the office. I seriously honestly didn't think they minded beyond the computer sign-on hassle. Apparently, I was wrong. So now I'm back to feeling like I can't take any time off from work. I was thinking of telling the jerk "yeah, just wait til I get pg and see how much time I'm off work buddy boy!" But I was too busy stifling tears.

9-Supervisor called me again today, asked how I was doing. I gave the usual non-committal "I'm okay" He pushed so I told him the truth, that I'm in a pissy mood. He says "hey, watch your mouth, but why are you in a mood" (LOL! If he would've heard that mouth when I was on active duty!!! WHOA). Well, ask me a question and you'd better expect to get a fully truthful answer, especially if I'm in a mood and just got pushed. So, I listed it out for him: happy pill, hormones, calendar, etc etc. He asked if anything else was new, so I told him "well, my dog is dying." He said "Wow, I'm gonna stop talking to you people from that office." I said "okay, bye" but he kept talking. "You people have the worst luck!" "I'm sorry, but I don't think it's bad luck that my dog has bone cancer" "Oh well, not luck, but bad Karma" WTF?!?! So now it's MY fault that Ellie has cancer??!!?? Try to change the subject and get the hell off the phone since dude doesn't know when to shut up shuttin up. Hang up and burst into tears. Once I got my composure half way back, I asked one of the girls and apparently dude was right, they do hate having to cover me, or at least that one girl does. So now I'm crushed for not having known that. I've always believed it was a PITA but not too big of a deal for them. I asked a different girl and she said my belief was true for her at least. Still, I am back to feeling like I can't take any time off work without it being a huge big deal for the rest of the f'ing firm!

10-After my dentist appointment (which I did for my lunch hour!), I came back and found a check laying on my desk in a window envelope, so I assumed it was to be mailed out (if it were for pickup, it would have been in a regular envelope). I sealed it, stamped it, and took it to the mailbox with the rest of yesterday's mail that I'd forgotten. Twenty minutes later, client comes to the window looking to pick up a check. I call the girl who would have entered the check request, she tells me it's already printed and laying on my desk. Well FUCK a HUTT! I just put that in the mailbox. Client was not at all upset, but I sure was. What ELSE can I screw up today????

11-One of the brokers comes to me in a bit of a panic about some error from earlier this month that doesn't look fixed and today, of course, is the cutoff for statements and if it doesn't get fixed today, it'll take her 2 hrs to explain to the client why it's on their statement, blah blah blah. I had a part in THAT screw up too!!

12-I vented all this to my good friend in the York office and she asked if there was anything she could do to help. I told her to ask Supervisor to please not call me anymore today. She relayed that (and a bit of the reason behind it, I'm sure). So at 3:32, doesn't the idiot call me again. He just wants to clarify that the CA's don't hate me. I said "I never said that. I said that you said they hate having to cover for me when I'm out." He tries to explain himself to death that NOBODY likes having to cover for each other, nobody likes having to do extra work, and they don't hate me so I shouldn't feel guilty for taking the time off that is due to me. He's trying to alleviate how much they have to cover me by sending the cashier from the York office to cover part of the time for me, that this office is very lucky to have a full-time operations person that probably does more for them than other ops people would let them get away with, and don't read into THAT that you're job is in jeopardy cause it's not. Blah blah blah. SHUT UP SHUTTIN UP RABBIT!!! I try to tell him that I can't talk about it anymore, but he freaking just keeps talking and talking and talking and I keep crying and crying and crying. I finally snap and said "you just don't have any idea do you?? You don't get it, how much is on my plate already! I don't need this on top of it all! I was happily oblivious! I just don't need this" He tried to say that he does understand about my plate but wanted me to explain why this was more on top of it, like why does it bother me so much. I just whispered that I had to go, have to go, have to go...and hung up.

So he calls my good friend in York again fearfully worried about me and wants me to go home and maybe take tomorrow off too. Of course now she's worried about me. But I could explain to her that I just need to concentrate on my job, keep my mind busy, and NOT TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING ISSUE ANY MORE!! So I asked her to tell him again to not call me about it. If he has business to talk about, that's fine, but no more on this subject!

Deep breath! Sigh. He's a nice guy but he's a fucking asshole! (quote from one of Steve's former co-workers - I stole it cause I love it)

Quick like a bunny

Ellie had 2 bad days, then a good day yesterday. She's still holding her own.

Stef was freaking cracking me up. If you ask her what is the name of our river (Susquehanna), her answer is Squawkee-anna! When she asks to watch Bambi, it is more like Bandi. She was hitting on her new T-ball set like a champ. Usually it was the T that got hit, rather than the ball. She won a little teddy bear at the fair, all by herself by throwing a dart and popping a balloon. She won a freaking goldfish and named it Memo or Nemo, depending on how closely you listen to her. She won a giraffe at the "fishing pond". Typical fair crap, but she loves them.

I had bloodwork this morning, but haven't heard the results yet. It's just to let me know if I have to increase my dosage or not. I sheepishly had to confess to Dr F that I forgot my injection last night. He said it's okay, just keep going. So now the Nemo song "just keep swimming just keep swimming" is stuck in my head.

The reason I forgot my injection last night was that it took me 3 hours to get Stef to bed. She was just about out and then the lovely neighbors started setting off fireworks. At first Stef thought it was Daddy knocking on her door. "let's go see Mommy. Daddy wants to come in" Then she thought Fire Crackers were something good to eat. Then she thought the firecrackers were in our house, then they were knocking on the window. Grrr Grrr Grrrr.

No meals???

Daycare #1, LL, is practically in our backyard, only costs $1/day more than daycare #2, and has all the same credentials as #2. They also have an indoor play village for when the weather is ugly, so the kids don't have to just stay in their room all day. They don't, however, serve any meals. They give a morning snack of fresh fruit, so I'd have to feed Stef breakfast before dropping her off, plus pack her a brown bag lunch. I was turned off by that and by the "strict schedule" the director says the teacher sticks to. The teacher is supposedly by-the-book-no-nonsense, which I wouldn't mind too much, but there should be some flexibility. They also do not use 1-2-3 Magic. I asked what do they do for discipline then. Basically, redirection with a choice between a different activity or going to the library for a cool down. Our neighbor 2 doors down was telling Steve last night that he was none too impressed with LL either.

Daycare #2, LP, is still on my way to work, serves breakfast and a hot lunch, is open til midnight for 2nd shifters, has separate playgrounds for the little kids and the bigger kids, uses 1-2-3, ensures hand washing and tooth brushing at meal times, has parent's nights out to raise money for field trips a couple times a year, and just seemed more in tune with the real world. Steve didn't go with me to see LL, but did see LP. We're going to talk about it a little more this weekend, but I think we're sold on LP. The only real drawback is that you have to cross 2 lanes of ugly traffic at the top of Chickies Hill for picking up and going home. If it's too ugly, I'll just drive on to Marietta and turn around, then go down Chickies and turn around again at the Burger King. Problem solved.

Next, Steve has to make his mom believe that we're for real about this. She will still get Stef one day a week and so will my mom, but it's daycare for the other 3 days. I don't think MIL thinks we're serious. Good luck with that one Honey!

Panic for potty?

Stef has been doing wonderfully with potty training; no daytime accidents for weeks now. Sometimes she gets positively panicky about having to go. "I got to go potty!! I don't want to pee my panties!!!" I kind of like that it's so important to her, but then again almost think something is wrong, like somebody yelled at her about peeing her panties (nobody that lives in our house). Last night, just as I was ready to leave her room and go to my own bed, she started crying really hard and sort of acting like she was trying to get away from something. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I just did my best to comfort her until she went back to sleep. Then I noticed her nighttime pullup was squishy. I'm thinking she had to pee but couldn't wake herself up quite enough to get up and go, but was also panicked about peeing her panties. She even mentioned this morning that she peed her panties. I told her it was her night time panties and it's okay because she's still learning and to try again next time.

Anybody else seeing panic potty attacks?

Happy Birthday Ellie!!

You made it to 11 years old!! I know, we just picked a day in May and the vet picked May as your month. It's all a guess. But it's the day we choose to celebrate you sweet baby. More liver and another roast are on your menu for tonight!!

Spasms

I have at least 3 spasms hanging on since Friday. UGH! I have an MRI scheduled for this afternoon. The VA hasn't done any imaging since 1995. The WC doc wants to compare but good luck getting images out of the VA archives.

Ellie did pretty well this weekend except Friday night (after I was passed out from the pain pills) she jumped on the fence to bark at something and cried when she came back down. I've even seen her putting the booboo foot on the ground once in awhile.

So cute - whenever Stef sees a puffy dandelion, she blows it and wishes "Ellie booboo leg go away" or "baby sister" I coached her for the Ellie wish and I think she remembers Logan's wish for the sister one.

Owwie

Stupid stupid stupid postal worker!! The grumpy bald dude just hands me the crate of mail this morning with a big box in it, with no forewarning about how heavy the beast is! The box weighs about 35 lbs just by itself. I'm not supposed to be lifting anything over 20 lbs max! All I could say is "WHOA" and dropped it to the ground. I couldn't even kick the sucker down the ramp like I do sometimes. So I had to go get the wheely cart out of my trunk, bring it back up to the dock and load it from there. That was no easy task either. Great holy Sith spawn!! Ow ow ow ow. So now I'm wearing the TENS on pretty high power and reported the injury to our worker's comp people. I guess I should call the VA too, to get it put in my chart. Like I have time for this crap now!

Ellie is doing about the same. No changes since yesterday. I just have to comment about how incredibly soft and silky her ears are and I love stroking them. She prefers to have her neck scratched, but I sneak in an ear rub every once in awhile too. :)

Kibble strike is over

Ellie refused to eat supper Tuesday and breakfast Wednesday. I know the tramadol really really suppresses the appetite (I'd like some too please!) So I got some beef liver (YUCK!!!) and a cheap pot roast. She devoured the liver for supper and was very happy to have some pot roast and juice for breakfast. Presh was very happy about this too. We had a really long snuggle before bed last night. It was a good night.

Nothing else going on right now.

A good evening

Ellie had a good evening Monday. She was even trying to play with Presh and I hated to break it up, but we can't risk a bone break. It did my heart good to see her in the "let's play" stance again.

Last night and this morning's kibble went untouched though. She wouldn't even eat a biscuit. She is still happily taking her pile-o-pills wrapped in a piece of turkey lunchmeat. I will have to go buy some more turkey and try that in her food again. Maybe she doesn't really like the ground turkey and rice.

Monday night, Stef and I stopped at the Rag Shop. I wanted to see if they had any stepping stone kits that I could put Ellie's pawprint in. While I was looking, Stef was spinning around in a circle. Next thing I know, she's flat on her face on the floor, screaming. She busted her lip - cut it on her tooth. I feel horrible for her. It doesn't seem to bother her anymore though.

I'm still in research mode for the daycare situation. Must make some phone calls....

She's giving me "the look"

Ellie, that is. It's been a week now since she last put weight on the bad leg. I had to carry her down the steps yesterday and I have to help her go up the steps. I talk to her alot and ask her to please let me know when it's time. That look has been different the last 2 days. Totally not something I wanted to think about on Mother's Day.

The vet asked 2 important questions:
1) is she still eating? answer - only because I started adding ground turkey and rice to her kibble
2) is she still happy to see her family? - answer - yes but much less so

Margot feels that if those 2 questions are still yes, it's not time yet. But then again, we know our dog better than anybody. She'd like to see how Ellie will do with another medication increase. If she's obviously not getting any relief, then it's time.

It'll be $64.50 to say goodbye plus $77 for a group cremation or $155 for a private cremation. I haven't decided how I feel about that yet. Is it important to me to have her ashes? I know her soul will be gone long before then and that's the part of her I love. It almost feels wrong not to have her remains returned to us though. That's probably just the part of me that doesn't want to let go of her.

Voluntarily quitting?

MIL told Steve last night that after Stef's swim school is over (in about a month I think) she wants to not have Stef every other Monday. Working and taking care of Stef are just too overwhelming for her. She's tired and depressed and her body hurts. Steve was saying to me that he would be happy to take all her Monday's, Tuesday's, Wednesday's, AND Thursday's away. I'm thinking more along the lines of one day a week at each grandmothers and 3 days a week in daycare. It's barely any difference $ wise between that and fulltime. This would keep both grandmothers from going into total Stef withdrawal and would be good for Stef too. Maybe for now, I will suggest 2 days/wk in daycare, then 3 days after swim school is over. I just have to talk Steve into it.

My mom's bathtub is still leaking. Apparently whoever from CAP installed the pipes in the first place didn't actually line up the drain pipe with the drain hole. They just got it pretty close, but it wasn't grabbing any threads at all. Steve tried a semi-quick fix, but if it's still leaking, he wants to rebuild the whole assembly. Maybe he can do that Saturday while I take Stef to Logan's party. That'll teach him to be a party pooper. In his defense, he's not coming because he's on call and already has a buddy covering for him so he can go to some mandatory Kellogg's training. He didn't really feel comfortable asking the buddy to cover him all afternoon too.

The audit man cometh

Our internal auditor is in the area this week. So far, he's looking at all our office's stuff at the parent office but he'll probably come down here early next week. Anyway, that is the reason for my conspicuous absense this week. Nothing new going on. Same old same old.

Happy Birthday Stefanie Jaina!!

At 2:07pm, 3 yrs ago, you were born via C-Section at Women's and Babies' Hospital. I didn't get to see you again until sometime after 5 because my toes just would not wiggle for the longest time. I've been SO in love with you ever since. It's been a wonderful 3 years and I can't wait to see you again tonight. You and Daddy and the Babies and I will have ice cream cake and open your gift from us. Happy Birthday baby girl!!!

The weekend update

I'm Chevy Chase and you're not.

I did come down with some kind of ugly flu after all. I was feeling feverish, shaky, shivery, and headachey all afternoon Friday. It only got worse that night (I had to actually go take a nap in my mom's bed while Steve worked on the plumbing) and the next morning. I was running about 101 Saturday until 1 or 2:00. Then I felt fairly human again. So what did I do? Rest? HA! No way dude! I broke out the vacuum and steam cleaner and *gasp* the Pledge!!!

I made like the white tornado and vac'd and steam cleaned carpet throughout the whole house (except the guest room which isn't dirty), steams cleaned the couch, decluttered the kitchen counters and dusted the living room. I missed the sale on chicken breast tenders, but oh well. I just couldn't DO anymore after all that cleaning. Even weirder...Stef took a spontaneous 2-1/2 hr nap!!

My neice Sarah, cancelled her performance in the voice recital Sunday. She's sick and is having trouble with her voice anyway. No point in stressing it further.

I still felt pretty punky Sunday, but since I left Steve sleep til noon, he was perfectly willing to help me out. We got all the laundry together and started. He made lunch (I still wasn't eating much at that point), went to the grocery store with us (and sat in the car with a sleeping Stef the whole time), then made supper.

Ellie was looking pretty good Sunday evening so I thought we could all go for a short walk as a family. Stef strapped on her roller skates, helmet, and pads. I harnessed up the doggies. It must have been quite a site coming down the sidewalk. Stef was in the middle of us on her skates. We each had a hand. We also each had a dog. Dog-parent-stef-parent-dog. If only there had been someone to take a picture. Anyway, we stopped briefly to talk to a neighbor/dobie owner just around the corner from our house. A girl about Stef's age opened the door to the house next to where we were standing. A little puff ball dust bunny of a dog came charging out of this house, straight for us. I instinctively pulled Ellie's gentle leader up tight so she couldn't move her head at all. Her hackles were up and she would have loved to have a little dog sandwich. Steve had Presh and Stef, so his hands were full and unavailable for help. I tried to grab the dust bunny by it's scruff while it was comically leaping in the air trying to reach Ellie's neck. The owner came out and retrieved it before I could get a good hold. No harm no foul. The little dog just wanted a shot at the title.

Ellie must have tensed up while dust bunny was trying to reach her carotid because after the whole thing was over, she cried and cried and held her booboo leg up. I thought I was going to have to carry her home. But less than a minute later, trooper that she is, Ellie wanted to finish her walk. She's pretty sore this morning even, so I gave her 1-1/2 oxycodone and we'll see how she is tonight.

Full moon residue

My day started off great....really it did. I got up and let Presh out, not feeling too tired. Went back to bed for a great *wink wink nudge nudge say no more say no more*. Stef woke up early and happy. We all sat down to eat a bowl of cereal together. I actually got out the door a little early, which was great since I was supposed to drop the car off at the dealer for it's overdue service.

When we got to my mom's, the door was still locked, but I knew she was downstairs already because Neelix was out in the yard. Just as I was about to go back to the car to get my key, she opened the door and said "it's a disaster zone in here". It sure is! A pipe must have burst between the floors. She said the water got COLD and much less pressure all the sudden during her shower this morning. It gushed out of the living room ceiling, wiped out 3 drop ceiling tiles and drenched her chair, medicines, papers, phone, etc. When she came downstairs, the water was ankle deep. Beings that the house is 100+ yrs old, the water started draining thru the wood floor boards to the basement. Cool. She went down and turned on the sump.

She was getting ready to call the insurance company, but realized her phone is out of service. I know it was working at 7am because I called to make sure she was awake. The water gush either knocked the basement phone off the hook or messed up the phone lines in the walls. Meanwhile, we have to stand outside to use my cell phone to make the call because her house is a black hole for technology. They will pay for the cleanup and damage but not for the plumber to come fix the leak.

Mom's plumber is Steve. I called and asked if he could come help her right after work (even though we all know he has to work a 16 hr shift at Kellogg's tomorrow). He said he has the plastic pipe glue at home, so I told him to go home after work, take care of the dogs, get the glue, then come down and help mom. I said I'd leave out which pills Ellie is supposed to get .... OH FUCK! I forgot to give her the morning pills!!! I was already late for work, and forget Saturn, so I called the office and told them my whole sad story, ran back home, gave poor gimpy baby her pills, and rushed into work.

There were 3 or 4 problems waiting for me here at the office, but they are dealt with now (I hope). I still have to figure out the new change system for the new phone system. TGIF!!

birthday

On to happier things....I am cautiously announcing that Stef is completely day potty trained. Of course, now she'll have a big accident, but she's doing SO well! She even runs in from playing when she has to go. Sometimes she wakes up dry, but not always.

We broke out her new roller skates last night. She had a blast even if she wasn't actually really skating. It was more like being wheeled around by mommy and/or daddy.

Here are some slideshows of her birthday party (I guess I didn't take very many pix that day - Help me out Angela!!), riding her bicycle, and 2 roller skating videos.

biking

roller skating

skating

Just off the phone

Margot just called me back about the panting. She asked if the limping was worse; it is. Increased panting with increased limping = pain response. We went over the medication schedule and revised dosages a bit. She also gave me guidelines for how much I can increase each of the 3 meds without getting permission first. So, for now, it's:

Oxycodone - 1 full pill 3x's/day
Tramadol - 2 full pills 3x's/day (enhances the oxy)
Dex - 3 pills 2x's/day (decreases pain windup - something about the pain impulses gathering at a certain place in a dog's brain which increases her perception of the pain level - she feels more pain than she's really in)

The next step up will be 1-1/2 pills 3x's/day of Oxy. The Tramadol can be increased up to 4 pills 3x's/day. The Dex can be increased to 9 pills 2x's/day. Margot is not ready to say that it's time to go to Morphine yet. It won't really work in our situation anyway since it HAS to be given every 4 hrs (doesn't last as long as the oxy). When I asked if she thinks it is progressing pretty quickly, she said "well, it's progressing. I wouldn't say you've had her on an excessive amount of Oxy yet, so it's not that quickly yet"

God bless Margot. She's a true gift of a friend. I pray for her alot. She's got a really tough job.

Not so good

Since we got home last night, Ellie has really been favoring her booboo leg;not even putting it down alot of the time. I increased her dosage of Tramadol (okay'd by vet ahead of time) but she's still really really sore looking today. I gave her 3 dex's (instead of 2) this morning and a full oxycodone (instead of 1/2) and one tramadol. We'll see how she is tonight. I'm still not concerned/scared enough to use that secret magic cell phone # though.

Rough night

Ellie Belly had a pretty rough night last night. We heard her get up and try to get comfortable at least 5 or 6 times. Just as I was getting up to get her another pain pill (she can have them 3 times a day, but so far it's just been twice a day), she settled down and went back to sleep.

I talked to the vet for quite a while last night. She said it's a good 3 inches of bone that's cancerous. The entire bone is involved. It's like someone is taking a melon baller and scooping out various sized balls out of the bone. That's why we have to be very cautious of bone breaks. I told her we'd like one of the other 2 vets there to have a look for a 2nd opinion, just because we don't want it to be true. She has no problem with that, but said even her xray tech knew it was cancer as soon as she saw the films. So she'll ask Carla to have a look today.

Margot is also researching the pain meds we have on hand at home to see if they're okay to give to Ellie. I have a big bottle of darvocet that I don't use anymore, but it has Tylenol in it and that's no good for doggies.

Strike that - I just got off the phone with Margot. She says NO to the Enbrel because it can mask infection and the dog could die of a hidden sepsis (people can too) and there is no dosage guidelines for dogs. NO to Darvocet because of the Tylenol. What she wants to do is keep up with the Percocet (it only has a little tylenol) 1/2 to 3/4 tablet during the day and a full one at night. Keep the Prevacox 1/2 tablet once a day, then replace that with Tramadol once our supply of Prevacox is gone. Also add (sp?) dexomethoraphan (like in cough medicine). She has to talk to a pharmacist to figure out dosage amounts and it might have to be compounded by a pharmacist. I know Darrenkamp's advertises that they do that for pet meds. Margot agrees and says their prices are really good and the one pharmacist (Bill) LOVES to do things for pets.

It's all going to be playing with the med levels to keep her comfortable as her pain levels change. We may eventually go to morphine tablets. If that happens, I think it will be close to the end for her.

I went to a farewell party last night for one of my co-workers who is quitting to be a SAHM. I told her I hate her ;) Anyway, I had to leave the party early because I was on the verge of tears again. I cried all the way home. My sweet Ellie.

Update

The chest xray didn't show any big major tumors, but there were several small "spots". The vet feels that these are most likely very small tumors, but could be blood vessels looking directly at the xray machine. Unlikely though. At the age of almost 11, we're not going to put Ellie thru the trauma of an amputation just to buy her 1-3 happy months. We've decided to just medicate her to keep her comfortable until either the meds stop working or Ellie tells us it's time to go. Until that time, we will spoil her and love on her and do whatever we can to help her.

Steve doesn't want to believe it is true, so he wants me to ask for a 2nd opinion. I don't want Margot to be right either, but I believe she is.

I talked to Ellie's foster mama from before we adopted her. One of her dobie girls got bone cancer when she was 13 yrs old. The next day after diagnosis, her leg broke, I guess from the cancer weakening it, and they had the old girl put down at that point. She also told me about another dobie she knows of that was diagnosed with the same thing 5 months ago and is still with us. He didn't get an amputation either. So, it's entirely up to Ellie how long she wants to deal with this. She will let us know when it's time.

On a related note, MIL has pissed us both off ROYALLY by suggesting to Steve that we put Ellie down now, or get rid of her...before she hurts Stefanie. I told Steve to tell his mother she better not EVEN go there with me. This morning was the first time since that conversation that I saw MIL. Steve hadn't talked to her about it yet, but she didn't bring it up with me at all. Good thing because I was prepared to pack Stef up, turn around, and go right the Hell back home if she did start on me about it. My emotional state is pretty frazzled now anyway. I don't need her crap.

I like how Tanya (dobie foster mama) put it. How would MIL like it if we threw her into a nursing home now just because she might need some help and be in some pain, which is manageable with meds. I won't throw my 4 legged children away any more than I'd throw away my 2 legged one. No life is disposable in my book.

My sweet Ellie

It's bone cancer. It's in her tibia (foreleg). It's very aggressive. I've okay'd a chest xray to see if it's spread to her chest/lungs. If not, we might consider amputation to buy her some happy time. Otherwise we will just give her strong pain killers until Ellie gives up.

Ellie and "Mary"

Ellie is at the vet today getting her knee xrayed. It hadn't gotten any better with the pain meds, so this is the next step. I'll update after they call me with the results.

For some reason, Stef has started pretending that her name is Mary sometimes. All day Sunday, she was Mary. She had Mary's ball, she was waving goodbye to Mary's house when we went to the mall, she even told the photographer at Picture People that her name was Mary. I have no idea why she picked Mary, unless it's from Jacks' Big Music Show. What's really funny is when she announces she's not Mary, but she's Stefanie again. What a character!

Picture People

Well, I guess that's how they keep people from grabbing the pictures from their website. They're all a bit pixelated, but you get the idea, at least until I get them all scanned in and uploaded for sharing. Steve even agrees with me now - we won't be using Sears for pictures any more. Picture People are SO much better with Stef.

Scream or cry?

At the suggestion from my family doctor (or CNP), I've been weaing from my happy pill. I've been at 40mg since Friday. I'm not doing well with it. Tax season wasn't a great time to try this anyway, but that's over now and I'm still ready to bite someone's head off while bawling my eyes out at the same time.

I talked to Michelle (RE) this morning. She said she's had some patients stay on prozac during pg and everything was fine. She suggested that I talk to the CNP again and ask about switching to Zoloft or just staying at 60mg Prozac.

Something HAS to be done. This morning, I very nearly fired MIL and quit my job (that I really really need). I know I'm not thinking entirely rationally right now, but now I'm just about as mad at MIL as Steve has been recently.

Happy Birthday Meredith!!

It's only one day late, but Happy Happy Birthday!!!

Ellie Belly

I'm really worried about our bionic doggy Ellie. She'll be 11 next month, which scares me just by itself. We took her to the vet last night because she's been favoring her back left leg for a week or 2 now and it doesn't seem to be getting better.

Both of Ellie's hips are bothering her, but it's just from old age. Margot thinks the problem is in her knee. She feels an old injury in there (from before Ellie lived with us) While she was feeling around the knee, we could really tell it bothers her. But then she moved further down the leg, below the actual joint, and Ellie yipped and snapped. Major big pain. We're hoping it's just a knee injury from acting like a nut in the yard and Ellie had finally just had enough examination. We're giving her more pain pills and trying to keep her quiet. If it doesn't get better, it'll be time for an x-ray to see if she either ripped her ACL or, worse case scenario...has bone cancer. It scared the bejeezes out of Margot that the big reaction came when she wasn't anywhere near the joint, but we're going to play this out conservatively for now.

What a dingbat

When I sent in my last prescription reorder slip, I was only looking for some more Nasacort for my allergies. I accidentally marked the Prozac box, but crossed it out and wrote "NO" next to it. Apparently they don't know what NO means, unless they are the ones saying it. LOL. That particular Rx was almost expired, so the pharmacy called the doctor. The doctor agreed to give a 90 day supply refill and made me get an appointment since it'd been quite awhile since my last visit for depression.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I saw Nurse Cindy, my favorite nurse practitioner. She had a nurse working with her, studying to become a nurse practitioner. I was going to ask about weaning or cutting back on the 60mg/day Prozac anyway, but then thought I'd better wait, because of the stress of the upcoming IVF (if it ever happens). The student nurse pointed out that I shouldn't be on Prozac if I'm pg, so I should start weaning now. Figures! The only person to even ever mention it was a student nurse!! I'm so glad I went in that day. Anyway, they approved a slow gradual wean.

That night, I took 2 pills from the bottle I'd been using. That would have been 40mg. The next night, I took the final pill from that bottle (20 mg) and one from the new bottle that just came. I continued taking 2 pills a day from that new bottle until last night. TG Steve went to fetch my pills for me. He brought me the bottle and asked was that the right one and how many am I taking now. I said 2/day. He pointed out that this bottle had 40mg pills in it. Holy Sith Spawn!! I'd been taking 80mg all week!! Nurse Cindy says it's okay, no harm done, but now I have to wean down from 80mg instead of from 60mg.

If all else fails, read the instructions!!!